Will I ever be happy at a job?

froghat

Well-known member
#1
I'm really down today. I've been working as a vendor for a food company for 8 months now. In those 8 months I've yet to get comfortable around my coworkers and the job is so stressful at times, I just wanna quit. Basically I have to deal with 7 store managers and if I forget to bring something in or whatever, they bitch at me. Some of them are such jerks about it, I feel like crying. I'm always on edge, trying to remember everything. Of course, alot of the managers think I'm a dummie cause I'm socially awkward. Same thing when I get back to the warehouse to load. I struggle to stay calm around my coworkers and I end up leaving everyday depressed and alone.

It's the same thing at every job and I'm getting fed up with it! At this point I feel like getting a non stress low paying job with limited interaction with people. Sure, my current job pays well, but who cares? I'm 28, single, and living with my parents and I'll probably be like that forever. Why should I be stressed out for money I will never enjoy anyways?

Has anyone found a job they actually like? What are some suggestions? Mentally I'm just not cut out for fast pace jobs like this. I need to start thinking about a different direction or I'll be miserable forever.
 

Anubis

Well-known member
#2
It's really really interesting that you bring up the subject of "crying" in retaliation to the anger of other people, because I'm having trouble with that too.

I don't do it as much as I used to, but I still experience it every now and then. After a bit of analysis, I've learned the following:

1) My tendency to cry is directly correlated with my ability to defend myself against the anger of others. That is, if I feel defenseless and unable to counter the anger, I result to crying to gain sympathy and stop the bursts of anger directed at me.

2) People who I especially can't stand are the people who have an amazing "ability" to hit my weaknesses while being seemingly un-phased by my retaliatory insults. Back in the day, I would take these people to the limit by answering all their insults while desperately trying to find a weakness to stop their insults. However, it would rarely work, and most of the time, my "insulter" would be much more deft than me and recruit others against me. This, of course, would make it impossible for me to "win". After many years of losing badly, along with losing the respect of bystanders and my self-worth, I began to suppress myself. And now I don't attack others because I'm almost "certain" that they'll hit me where it hurts. So I'm much more likely to appear crestfallen and about to cry in the wake of anger, because it's the only consistent way I can partially defend myself (even though I'm almost positive I lose so much respect for it).

But yea, sorry for kinda going off. I just thought that subject was especially pertinent to social phobes in general. And I totally understand why you would be seeking another job that would decrease the amount of "hard-to-work" with people. It can get very discouraging when you constantly feel helpless against the attacks of others.
 
Last edited:

reslo

Well-known member
#4
i had a job like that- where i'd get yelled at by my boss, the owner, and about 4 or 5 other people.... i would cry every night i had that job because of it. It was a temp job, and I worked every time they scheduled me (all 4 days). I would showed up on time, ready to work, with a smile, believe it or not. I did everything that they asked, I didn't complain. Worst job I ever had.

I think that if your job is taking down your self-esteem, you really should really think about getting out of there and start applying to other places.

You usually can tell a lot from the interview (my boss at the last job was just completely rude during the interview (very demanding, and she just had a huge attitude- and just everytime she would look at me, she had this very scrutinizing glare), and she was like that when I worked with her!

I've had 8 jobs. The temp one was the only one where I really felt belittled, like I couldn't win. (if i asked someone to help me, I was interupting them/they didn't have time for me, if i did it, I was doing it wrong) and yeah, i would get yelled at by co-workers, and various assistant managers. It's the way places are run that affects everything. It's a lot easier to do a job that's hard around people who're nice/forgiving and who don't use negative communication, than an easy job around mean people.

So the 7 others that i had were a lot better, and i've had some really nice bosses. But I've never enjoyed coming to work, with any job, I always had a constant feeling of dread everytime I came in, and that's me and how I feel with dealing with people. And I also felt like I was never any good at the jobs I've had, and everyday I'd worry that my performance wouldn't be good enough.

i delivered newspapers for awhile, you can't get much more independent than that. so for being alone it was nice, and the boss i had really helped to make sure i understood the route. it costs a lot in gas, it was every single day, and my family constantly criticized me for it. if my family didn't make me feel bad about it, i would have liked that one the most.

and also too- if managers are yelling at you so much, it means THEY'RE not doing their jobs right! (but they're going to blame it on you so you can take the fall.)
 
Last edited:

Richey

Well-known member
#5
yeh hospitality can be brutal no matter how social you are. you always get the condescending crazy chefs in one corner and waiting staff who have been there for a few years and think they run the place so they tell the newer staff off over the smallest trivial mistakes. it all depends how busy the restaurant is though. i work in a very busy small restaurant as a dishwasher so i'm sort of at the bottom of the heirarchy. what i've noticed is that even the waiting staff will try on the condescending tone of voice because they know im generally nice and not mean back to them. i am working the load of 10 people, that is clearing up dishes that two chefs, five waiting staff and other staff have shifted out into the bistro. so really for them to try on an attitude with me when i'm clearly working physically the hardest job in terms of labour i usually just shake my head in silent disgust that they even bothered because its never justified. its like when the water fills up in the sink and a staff member points it out to me with an attitude. there is a reason why its because i was too busy with other tasks to get to that stage at that moment in time. its high pressure physically and socially because you have 10 or so staff walking back and forth past you all the time and you're working your bum off the whole time. its one of the hardest jobs in terms of labor and mental toughness there is because of the pressure to perform and the people around you.
i cant wait to leave but right now its a bit of money in the pocket. i want to work in retail at a music store part time, ive been applying but i seem to settle for these really well...crappy jobs just so i get some money at least.

its not the sort of job i brag about, in fact i try to avoid even talking about it so when someone brings it up at a party or something i jokingly change the subject and pretend they never asked :)
 
Last edited:
#6
It's really really interesting that you bring up the subject of "crying" in retaliation to the anger of other people, because I'm having trouble with that too.

I don't do it as much as I used to, but I still experience it every now and then. After a bit of analysis, I've learned the following:

1) My tendency to cry is directly correlated with my ability to defend myself against the anger of others. That is, if I feel defenseless and unable to counter the anger, I result to crying to gain sympathy and stop the bursts of anger directed at me.
I can definitely relate to the comment about crying when others are angry at me. Honestly, I have never really understood why I did it, but after reading your comment I think it is related to my feeling defenseless.

I also find myself holding back tears when a supervisor points out my self-consciousness, shyness, or quiet nature. It seems that I try so hard to hide my social anxiety and convince myself no one can tell. When someone points it out it just makes me feel like they are throwing my weaknesses in my face. My last boss really got onto me for being self-conscious and shy. She even told me that she knows I am extremely bright, but that people think I am incapable because of the way I present myself.

I also feel like it is the same thing at every job and sometimes I wish I could find a decent job where I have limited interactions with people and other times I wish I could just snap my fingers and be done with having social anxiety.

I am looking for a librarian position right now!! :)
 
Last edited:
#7
there are so many possible answers to your question! i dont know that anyone is really happy working. but you and we are on a whole other level of misery because there are humans present in the work area. yuck, i rarely like anyone. lol. i felt like you in my first several jobs. it wasnt until i was 30 and had found what i wanted to really do that i started to relax. i started to look at things much differently. and now its a whole lot different in my 40's. now i feel like- im a quiet person. deal with it. if i have something to say, i will but im not going to chatter to entertain you. if you have a problem with my quietness, its your problem, not mine. its made me feel a little more confident and maybe even arrogant sometimes. if someone brings it up, i say "yeah, thats how i am." the reality is, people like us have been around forever and we likely always will. (there is plenty of down side to it, don't get me wrong) but on the upside, i no longer feel any social obligation toward people. if they invite me to something i don't feel comfortable with, i just say 'no.'
i agree with reslo that you might need to get the hell out of there. its destructive to you. maybe look for a career for yourself that you think you could thrive in. it doesnt matter what it is. it could be cleaning houses or something in computers. it needs to make you happy and make you want to become more than what you are right now. thats what pulled me along into being more than i was. my alternative was being agoraphobic like my mother.
to katie1919-
there is plenty of strength in what we are. its not all weakness. i would be willing to bet that most of us are higher than average intelligence. We know pain, and so we would tend to be more compassionate, altruistic and kind than the general population. i would rather be kind than many of the things that the general population takes pride in. i'd bet good money that you cry when you're mad because you'd be too kind to hurt an other.
 
#8
it needs to make you happy and make you want to become more than what you are right now. thats what pulled me along into being more than i was. my alternative was being agoraphobic like my mother.
to katie1919-
there is plenty of strength in what we are. its not all weakness. i would be willing to bet that most of us are higher than average intelligence. We know pain, and so we would tend to be more compassionate, altruistic and kind than the general population. i would rather be kind than many of the things that the general population takes pride in. i'd bet good money that you cry when you're mad because you'd be too kind to hurt an other.
Kittypants - Thanks for the comment to my post. You are completely right about me (funny how you can guess so much about me without knowing me:)). I am intelligent, kind-hearted, and insightful...those are my strengths. I guess I should take more pride in my strengths. Maybe focusing more on my strengths would help me. Sometimes it just really brings me down having people so quickly point out my weaknesses, I feel like I'm wearing them on my sleeve for everyone to see. I just want to tell people, "Yes, I know I'm quiet and not the public speaking type...get over it!" But I do agree with you that I would rather be kind and compassionate than what the general population takes pride in.
 
#9
You may be too intelligent for your current "job". This can cause a rift between you and the co-workers who feel that you are intellectually superior to them.

What's a "job" anyway? A means of survival. How about focusing on what career you need to be in. What's your passion? You seem like a pretty good writer.

I've been fired from my last 5 jobs. I just got put on disciplinary probation at the university AGAIN and I already have a degree! I have had the tendency to escalate situations when people are jerks or are aggressive towards me.

I know what it's like to not fit in. Don't worry. Focus on the positive. Find your calling. Get away from losers who are just trying to get by.

hope this helps
 
Top