Why is he doing this to me???
- Thread starter bella1968
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Butterflies
Well-known member
bella1968 said:I am crazy about a man i work withbut he is the most painfully shy man i have ever met!!!!!!
He is sweet, funny, intelligent, tells funny jokes...and plays them too and i find him VERY attractive. Now the problem is he is all those things and thensone ACCEPT when he's around me, then he is a different man.
He can barely look me in the eye, he can't smile, he looks like someone is holding his balls when he looks at me...lol...its as if he forgets to breathe or something. He even does this thing where he will be talking to others sometimes in a small group but constantly looks over at me...standing a few feet away until i look back and then he looks away and we keep repeating this over and over again...is he flirting???
He can't seem to look at me for more than a few seconds at a time and he never treats me like everyone else...he iso relaxed, funny and comfortable with everyone in the building!!!
Now i thought, well maybe he likes me too...someone noticed his behavior towards me and was like...yep, its a CRUSH!!!!!!!
So, i had a mutual friend ask if maybe we could all go out, she offered to set us up and he said NO!!! I was crushed. He said he was dating and wasn't interested..
In all the years she has worked with him (over 10 yrs) he has NEVER brought up a girlfriend, dating, relationships, etc. she thinks he likes me but can't bring himself to deal with it. He's in his 30's now and is so painfully shy!!! I feel so badly for him...and myself
She even asked why he treats me SO differently??? He never says no when i need something done (he's in maintenance) he gives EVERYONE else a hard time, plays jokes on them all the time--never jokes around with me EVER, he can't look me in the eye for long periods of time, gets all red in the face...
She said he just put his head down and didn't answer her when she asked why treat me like that????
What do i do? I like him sooooooooo much!
Its so awkward now, we don't even say hello anymore. It took him months to say hello to me first (i thought we were going to move forward from there) cuz saying hello seemed to be a big deal for him!!! But then i got our coworker involved and now he seems so upset. He tried to talk to me...say Good Morning one morning (after the talk) but i felt so rejected and hurt that i bllew him off and just put my head down and walked away and now he won't even look at me!!! I don't keep my door open to my classroom either like i use to when we would talk alittle...i guess he noticed that too!!!!!!
But why is he acting like this, i am the hurt one???
What do i do..why did he say NO to getting to know me better????
I know he likes me too.
Please help
Hey Bella - better check out Italia's post "Update On My Situation" You two should talk.
ForeverBlue
Active member
Hi Bella
I don't mean to sound nasty or anything, just stating an observation, but from the title of your posting 'Why is he doing this to me?', it kinda sounds like it is all about you.
Perhaps if you try and understand where he is coming from a bit more, you might see things differently.
He sounds very much like me in that he is in love with someone but his shyness or social phobia gets in the way of those feelings. I was crazy about someone I worked and we got fairly close but I couldn't face actually being with him because of all the stress of having a relationship etc.. He had feelings for me too. I sent him an email telling him I had feelings for him but that I had all these issues with SP and it was very hard for me. His response was to just cut me off and stop talking to me. i think he thought I was lying or trying to brush him off. If I never made the effort to talk to him, we would never speak. And to make it worse, we worked in the same office, so you can imagine how stressful that would be.
Anyway, my point is, you may think that you have been rejected. Which you have but from all that you say, he obviously has feelings for you but is probably too scared to act on it, just like I was. He has also been rejected. If you remember, you said that he tried to talk to you after your coworker had spoken to him but you just brushed him off and you were being cold towards him. Now that is also rejection. So of course he is going to be miserable or stop talking to you. he was hurt by the way you treated him. Like in my situation, the guy I was in love with stopped talking to me, so of course I wasn't going to keep on trying to be friendly with him if he was going to treat me like that.
So you see, you are not the only one hurting. Just try and see it from his perspective also. I think he has strong feelings for you but you might just have to try a little harder with him. perhaps if you get the chance to talk to him, say that you are very shy and that you think that maybe he is too. Say that's okay. We will just take it slowly and hang out as friends with no pressure and take it from there. What's there to lose. I would hate for your situation to end up like mine. I ended up leaving as i couldn't stand working with the guy I was crazy about and getting affected by the way he treated me. Up if he spoke to me, down if he didn't. And the constant nervousness of being around him.
Anyway, Good Luck and don't judge him too harshly. Be patient and understanding and he may be more willing to give it a go and open up to you. I hope it all works out for you both. :wink:
I don't mean to sound nasty or anything, just stating an observation, but from the title of your posting 'Why is he doing this to me?', it kinda sounds like it is all about you.
Perhaps if you try and understand where he is coming from a bit more, you might see things differently.
He sounds very much like me in that he is in love with someone but his shyness or social phobia gets in the way of those feelings. I was crazy about someone I worked and we got fairly close but I couldn't face actually being with him because of all the stress of having a relationship etc.. He had feelings for me too. I sent him an email telling him I had feelings for him but that I had all these issues with SP and it was very hard for me. His response was to just cut me off and stop talking to me. i think he thought I was lying or trying to brush him off. If I never made the effort to talk to him, we would never speak. And to make it worse, we worked in the same office, so you can imagine how stressful that would be.
Anyway, my point is, you may think that you have been rejected. Which you have but from all that you say, he obviously has feelings for you but is probably too scared to act on it, just like I was. He has also been rejected. If you remember, you said that he tried to talk to you after your coworker had spoken to him but you just brushed him off and you were being cold towards him. Now that is also rejection. So of course he is going to be miserable or stop talking to you. he was hurt by the way you treated him. Like in my situation, the guy I was in love with stopped talking to me, so of course I wasn't going to keep on trying to be friendly with him if he was going to treat me like that.
So you see, you are not the only one hurting. Just try and see it from his perspective also. I think he has strong feelings for you but you might just have to try a little harder with him. perhaps if you get the chance to talk to him, say that you are very shy and that you think that maybe he is too. Say that's okay. We will just take it slowly and hang out as friends with no pressure and take it from there. What's there to lose. I would hate for your situation to end up like mine. I ended up leaving as i couldn't stand working with the guy I was crazy about and getting affected by the way he treated me. Up if he spoke to me, down if he didn't. And the constant nervousness of being around him.
Anyway, Good Luck and don't judge him too harshly. Be patient and understanding and he may be more willing to give it a go and open up to you. I hope it all works out for you both. :wink:
ForeverBlue
Active member
Hi Bella
I don't mean to sound nasty or anything, just stating an observation, but from the title of your posting 'Why is he doing this to me?', it kinda sounds like it is all about you.
Perhaps if you try and understand where he is coming from a bit more, you might see things differently.
He sounds very much like me in that he is in love with someone but his shyness or social phobia gets in the way of those feelings. I was crazy about someone I worked and we got fairly close but I couldn't face actually being with him because of all the stress of having a relationship etc.. He had feelings for me too. I sent him an email telling him I had feelings for him but that I had all these issues with SP and it was very hard for me. His response was to just cut me off and stop talking to me. i think he thought I was lying or trying to brush him off. If I never made the effort to talk to him, we would never speak. And to make it worse, we worked in the same office, so you can imagine how stressful that would be.
Anyway, my point is, you may think that you have been rejected. Which you have but from all that you say, he obviously has feelings for you but is probably too scared to act on it, just like I was. He has also been rejected. If you remember, you said that he tried to talk to you after your coworker had spoken to him but you just brushed him off and you were being cold towards him. Now that is also rejection. So of course he is going to be miserable or stop talking to you. he was hurt by the way you treated him. Like in my situation, the guy I was in love with stopped talking to me, so of course I wasn't going to keep on trying to be friendly with him if he was going to treat me like that.
So you see, you are not the only one hurting. Just try and see it from his perspective also. I think he has strong feelings for you but you might just have to try a little harder with him. perhaps if you get the chance to talk to him, say that you are very shy and that you think that maybe he is too. Say that's okay. We will just take it slowly and hang out as friends with no pressure and take it from there. What's there to lose. I would hate for your situation to end up like mine. I ended up leaving as i couldn't stand working with the guy I was crazy about and getting affected by the way he treated me. Up if he spoke to me, down if he didn't. And the constant nervousness of being around him.
Anyway, Good Luck and don't judge him too harshly. Be patient and understanding and he may be more willing to give it a go and open up to you. I hope it all works out for you both. :wink:
I don't mean to sound nasty or anything, just stating an observation, but from the title of your posting 'Why is he doing this to me?', it kinda sounds like it is all about you.
Perhaps if you try and understand where he is coming from a bit more, you might see things differently.
He sounds very much like me in that he is in love with someone but his shyness or social phobia gets in the way of those feelings. I was crazy about someone I worked and we got fairly close but I couldn't face actually being with him because of all the stress of having a relationship etc.. He had feelings for me too. I sent him an email telling him I had feelings for him but that I had all these issues with SP and it was very hard for me. His response was to just cut me off and stop talking to me. i think he thought I was lying or trying to brush him off. If I never made the effort to talk to him, we would never speak. And to make it worse, we worked in the same office, so you can imagine how stressful that would be.
Anyway, my point is, you may think that you have been rejected. Which you have but from all that you say, he obviously has feelings for you but is probably too scared to act on it, just like I was. He has also been rejected. If you remember, you said that he tried to talk to you after your coworker had spoken to him but you just brushed him off and you were being cold towards him. Now that is also rejection. So of course he is going to be miserable or stop talking to you. he was hurt by the way you treated him. Like in my situation, the guy I was in love with stopped talking to me, so of course I wasn't going to keep on trying to be friendly with him if he was going to treat me like that.
So you see, you are not the only one hurting. Just try and see it from his perspective also. I think he has strong feelings for you but you might just have to try a little harder with him. perhaps if you get the chance to talk to him, say that you are very shy and that you think that maybe he is too. Say that's okay. We will just take it slowly and hang out as friends with no pressure and take it from there. What's there to lose. I would hate for your situation to end up like mine. I ended up leaving as i couldn't stand working with the guy I was crazy about and getting affected by the way he treated me. Up if he spoke to me, down if he didn't. And the constant nervousness of being around him.
Anyway, Good Luck and don't judge him too harshly. Be patient and understanding and he may be more willing to give it a go and open up to you. I hope it all works out for you both. :wink: