why do people feel the need to hate me?

[no1]

I just don't get it. I am just a social phobic, and I may need a little more certainty than others. I am not deliberately doing this to myself. I don't want this. Why do I have to get treated like a reject? Like I'm petty. Ridiculous. Pitiful, except nobody feels the need to pity me. Instead they feel the need to abandon me, and not help. Maybe I'm just shy. Maybe I don't mean to come off as "rude" or "shallow". Maybe I don't mean to come off like a pussy. Maybe I don't mean to exaggerate. Maybe I'm doing more than exaggeration. Why does everyone feel the need to despise me or run out of patience with me? Especially the girls, they all treat me like I'm some lower "beta" male and wouldn't give me any time of the day even if I was one of the last people on earth. And the guys to, in fact all the so called "alpha males" and the women are in on this together, they feed off each other's misunderstandings or lies. Why can't I just get a little love? Why must I be made fun of? Bullied? Don't people know that that shit really doesn't help much? People don't understand me, people underestimate me. I feel like everyone looks at me with the same face of scorn, or disgust, strong distaste, or like they all despise me, they all hate me, have no patience for a SCUM like me. And then blame everything even the whole worlds problems on me. Sometimes no one is to blame. Why do people have to rub it in my face whenever I do something wrong. Do you think *I* REALLY want to be that way? I don't fucking deliberate everything. I don't deserve any of this. And nobody deserves to be forced into a relationship with the pettiness. I've seen these same things ever since I was a little kid. Girls just, looking at me with a face of severe disgust, like I am just.. I don't even know how to explain it. It's like a face that says "you shouldn't have even been born". And the guys go along with it.

One of these days I just might kill myself for real. I've had it.. It doesn't seem like I have any chance of being much, or even doing much for others because.. I need myself first to be able to help others... if not then I can't really help much, except for create more and more negativity, and f*ck things up. God must love this. Everyone in the entire world AGREES with my state of being that's why no matter what I do NOTHING ever changes. It's like the entire creation and God himself wants me to just give up and die. Why am I not dead yet though? For torture.

 

[no1]

ok.. I have social phobia. Doesn't anyone recognize it or are they all too lost trying to seem cool to others and not be seen with me or having meaningful conversation with me. Why the need to seem like you all just want to spit on me. Why can't you just say hi, and give me a little nod. Why do they have to act like.. I am just so f*cking stupid. Do people make fun of the disabled? So then why me? It makes me lose faith in everyone and everything. I am left alone in the cold. Like.. "sure let's go hate on people who have problems and make them hate themselves to the point they just want to commit suicide"

Everyone just seems like they like to scare each other off or is it just me. They have these mean mugging faces, and nobody gives a flying f*ck about me. They see me lonely, they see me in despair. If I was crying, I don't know how people would react. They could probably kill me for being "oh so pitiful" yet there is no pity. No sympathy. Nothing.. Nobody knows how i feel anyway so how could there be?

I just had to add this in from another thread:

Hylke wrote:
@no1This made me see that being sorry for yourself is the thing that scares people away, rather than failingat anything. People will forgive you for pretty much any failure as long as you laugh it away. Failures only make you 'that nice and funny clumsy guy'.


This is the thing I really hate the most. People don't like you because you have F*CKING FEELINGS!. Yeah I can laugh at my own problems SOMETIMES. Only if I see it though through another's eyes. Or when I'm feeling crazy or masochistic/sadistic.

But people avoiding people who have true feelings. Who look sad, etc. Am *I* the ONLY one who might want to comfort someone who is feeling bad, looking sad, or whatever? So the f*ck WWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAAATTTT!!!!! if I don't show too much confidence, maybe I was led to believe this way about myself, and I'm not really that way. So the f*ck WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!?!?!??!?!?!??!?! I look sad, don't abandon me. Don't treat me like a reject. Don't fucking spit on me. Don't torture me. Am I the ONLY one who would want to come in and help someone when they are in need of help? It doesn't matter if someone is hanging on to the edge of a cliff, and if that person is in tears. That person needs help, and I'm going to help him/her whether or not he/she is in tears, or looks all happy and f*cking dandy that he/she might die soon and leave his family or friends.

This makes people look REALLY f*cking shallow I can't stand it

 

[Hylke]

Go into therapy, ignore them, don't give a fuck or just live through this phase (I assume you are in high school).

 

[Vanialo28]

...

 

[Hylke]

This is the thing I really hate the most. People don't like you because you have F*CKING FEELINGS!.

Oh please, stop that. As if everyone else is an idiot and they are only there to hurt you. They are people too, just like you and me. Honestly, there must be about ten thousand "I am depressed, and I don't know what to do" threads lying around here.

People will automatically respond to weakness. That's just evolutionairy history kicking in. They don't hate us because we are ugly or nice or whatever. In fact I don't think they hate us at all, or at least most of them. Hatred is something between equals, rivals. This is more like dominance. They dominate us like a lion will do with a weaker male.

If we'd just stop showing insecurity, stop fearing, they might hate us, like us or be neutral towards us, but they won't dominate us.

Laugh at them (not with them) and don't say a thing. It'll throw them of guard. You don't have to be quick witted, just not insecure, or at least act like it. That's what we can do about it. But trying to act like it is their fault won't.

We either want them to like us or don't give a fuck what they think. But for the former WE are the ones who have to work. If you don't want them to like you, then be happy with that, it's not a big deal if you learn to live on your own. But we can't just expect the world to throw itself to our feet once we begin crying.

It's a hard world indeed.

 

[faithnomore]

Lack of interest shown towards me is very frustrating. I know exactly how you feel!

Everyone says "it'll all work out in the end".

Well that doesn't help, because i need it all now.

 

[no1]

I dont know why people try to dominate others forcefully, or by faking it. Maybe they are desperate. It does bother me though, because they make you look lowly enough for the surrounding people to misunderstand you and judge you.

And about "God".. well he could at LEAST try to keep me from committing suicide. Who knows just what "God" is, there is so much deception in this world it's crazy.

 

[GloomySunday]

I felt really hesitant about responding to this thread. Really hesitant. Which is odd, because this is a forum for people with social problems, depression and anxiety. What I read in the opening post shouldn't really shock me, but it has.

There is so much anger and so much bitterness written there, and that is worrying. There is also a lot of blame apportioned to other people, citing acts of cruelty as being the underlying cause of this suffering - that if people just stopped and showed a little more consideration, then these feelings would subside.

Agreed. Of course it would. That goes without saying. But how do you get to that place? Where do you start?

Often the world around us reflects back exactly what we give out. If we are angry, fearful, dark, depressed, shut off, isolated, violent...then what do we expect to see or receive from others in return?

Love, compassion, understanding - all the positive things in life that we desire and need - are all earned. They are not ours to have by right.

Again, what we give out is reflected back to us - and I think this forum is a good place to start doing that...but in a more positive way.

Whilst it's completely understandable to post here exactly how bad you're feeling, it does need to be balanced with something more constructive. That doesn't mean pretending that everything is great and that all your problems are suddenly over. It can mean just putting your own problems aside for an evening and taking an interest in what someone else is going through, making some helpful suggestions and trying to use your own experiences to actually help someone else, rather than to just empathise with how bad they're feeling.

If you need friends, love and companionship, you have to demonstrate to people that you're worth loving. Worth being a friend to. That's where the real work is. It's a tough call when you're at your most despairing, angry and lost, I am aware of that.

But keep working on making yourself a better person. Avoid negative behaviours, recognise them and stop them before they start, and try and do at least one thing each day, some small thing, that is positive. Hopefully, that will make someone open their eyes to you and will make them see you in a whole new light, the way you really want to be seen.

I really do wish you all the best.

 

[Marie1988]

i dont know what you want from people really? do you want people to run up to you who dont even know you and give u a hug? do you want people to be like wow there he/she and they all start clapping? what do you want? if you want respect you have to earn it. if u want friends you have to make the effort. if you want love, you have to give love. anything u want you have to give a little bit first and earn it! people underestimate you because u underestimate yourself.
so stop feeling sorry for yaself and feeding yaself this self pitty woah is me shit and sort ya self out.
god sorry but some people really piss me off that complain about everyone else being arseholes before they have had a look in the mirror. and dont blame it on your condition. thats a cop out.

 

[no1]

I know I have become very irritable.., and "irritative" too. I don't know how to change it.. I even feel that nobody can ever try to help me because there will always be misunderstandings, there might always be problems, I might always get too irritated, or they with me, etc. I don't know.. I feel as if I'm hopeless.

I know I have to be more constructive but my problem has always been "how? if I've tried so many things that do not work..."

I am sorry about everything. I know my posts are very... dark. and I may come off as rude or something. How can I help? I have nothing really to offer. That doesn't mean I don't believe I can't do anything for anyone else. For instance I can go and volunteer to help people, etc. but with what time, studying all the time, and I need a job too. And I don't even sleep and haven't slept well in 3 years and it has definately taken it's toll on me now that I can't even handle work and school at the same time, and it's not even full time school! I can't manage my time, I am such a mess!

i dont know what you want from people really? do you want people to run up to you who dont even know you and give u a hug? do you want people to be like wow there he/she and they all start clapping? what do you want? if you want respect you have to earn it. if u want friends you have to make the effort. if you want love, you have to give love. anything u want you have to give a little bit first and earn it! people underestimate you because u underestimate yourself.
so stop feeling sorry for yaself and feeding yaself this self pitty woah is me shit and sort ya self out.
god sorry but some people really piss me off that complain about everyone else being arseholes before they have had a look in the mirror. and dont blame it on your condition. thats a cop out.

Really.. do you think I am that stupid? I am nice to others. It gets me nowhere though.

And really it's people like you that make me want to commit suicide, because I am ALWAYS being misunderstood, and I am ALWAYS being looked at in some negative way. I am ALWAYS being blamed for a lot of things, nobody sees, nobody knows, but I am always the bad guy, and when I talk about my problems, I am always the bad guy.

In fact.. I disagree with most replies to me, that people think it's all my fault. I always tend to get people to misunderstand me and judge me as being selfish, and rude, etc. I am sick of this, and I surely do want to commit suicide. I don't know what else to say. I am sorry if I don't reply to that many other posts around here. I always feel my time is limited, or I dont have anything to give.

I don't want to be negative, but it seems like I will always run into people who will choose to see me in a negative light, as if I am not being constructive, as if I have never tried anything. Right now I am way past that.. I have tried again and again, and it seems like NOTHING works. I am not just moping around, or blaming everyone for my faults. I am not that kind of person, yet people like me (if there is anyone like me) are always seen this way.. and it gets on my FREAKING NERVES.

I mean.. seriously don't you think the reason why I am talking this way is because I HAVE tried lots of things and nothing has really worked? Don't you think I maybe have just given up? And maybe the majority of people DO tend to misunderstand me or think or say nasty things about me, and that now I believe people will never recognize who I am?

I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHO THE F*CK DO YOU THINK I AM!? WHAT DOES EVERYONE THINK I AM!? I am sorry for the vulgarity but would you listen to me otherwise? I don't know.

I definitely do look in the mirror all the time. I always do my best to listen to others. I do my best to see things the way others have.. and I have always failed.

I feel completely lost and hopeless. I am invisible. Why do you think I name myself "no1" because I really feel like I am no one. Nobody ever understands me. And I understand it might be hard to understand me... which is why I pretty much give up. I will always be alien to everyone. I will always be seen in a negative light. Always the VICTIM YES THE FREAKING VICTIM THAT EVERYONE LOVES, THE HYPOCHONDRIAC THE F*CKING VICTIM THE VICTIM OH POOR ME OH WHY CAN'T HE JUST FREAKING DIE A PAINFUL DEATH, etc etc.

*gunshot* to the freaking head is what I JUST might do. I have had it.

I don't even expect to find much help here. I don't expect to find help anywhere. I just kinda need to relate with others though. I need information.. I don't know. At least while I'm living. I don't know if I will find help here.. I might never. I think I'm too complicated, my condition is too complicated. There are no cures for anything in this world, only God. And only God's Chosen get those cures.

I seem to always push people away. Even just by me having problems, people don't want to deal with me because I "have issues". Big ones too.

Which is why I just want to give up completely.

Really stupid universe too how supposedly I just "create all my freaking problems". Yeah.. what can you do if mentally you are f*cked up and can't control your thoughts the way you would need to to change your life? Well, the universe doesn't give a flying F*ck it supports serial killers if all he does is "be confident in himself". yet others who aren't serial killers and are confident in themselves the universe just makes it so they can't be confident in themselves or something, and all problems go to them. I know there HAS to be some good people in this world that made it, it can't just be that the evil people succeed and the good people always fail. If so then this is truly retarded and I'm fed up with the truly sickening society we have become.. and I don't know who is to blame. I sympathize with everyone.

BLAH!!!!!!!!!! I just went crazy.

 

[Vanialo28]

...

 

[Reholla]

Hey, don't be so hard on yourself and don't worry about what other others think. The truth is that most people are terrible judges of character and are easily influenced by outer things like your appearance and first impressions.. and yeah, no one gives a damn about anyone anymore either. This is all about self-acceptance so look at yourself realistically, don't walk around thinking that there's something wrong with you because there isn't. If they make fun of you and are mean and rude, it's their problem, not yours..

It's not God's fault either. James 1:13 states: “When under trial, let no one say: ‘I am being tried by God.’ For with evil things God cannot be tried nor does he himself try anyone.” And Job 34:10 says: “Far be it from the true God to act wickedly, and the Almighty to act unjustly!” Satan is this world's ruler right now (1 John 5:19 states: “The whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one.” ). He is cruel, deceptive, and hateful, traits that underlie much of the suffering that we experience.

God hasn't intervened yet because it's not the right time, but believe me, He will. Until then keep holding on and being strong. He knows and understands everything we go through with this social phobia crap and will put an end to all of our suffering very soon.

helpful advice!!! i would have to ditto that, you make very good points.
what version are you reading those scriptures from??
In Bibles in the past i have read from i remember verses saying God does not TEMPT people, and that tempting is from satan, it is NOT of God.
However, i have been to talks that bring up the point that God does "test" us. A chapter in Genesis (maybe 2 or 22) says: "God tests Abraham"
Many people in our discussion actually believed God would never "test" us. Their reason being, God doesnt set us up to fail... well He definitely does not do that. But these tests or trials in our life bring us closer to Him, we understand we need Him, and all good things that can fill the void in our life are from Him alone... He does test us, and maybe that is what is going on in your situation. He wants you to rise above this, rise above people's judgments, dirty looks or rotten attitudes, become a strong person with great character who doesnt go down to other peoples' levels of being selfish or treating others with disrespect.

Now, i know your version said talks about God "trying" us. I had just never heard it before. I didn't mean to go off on a religious tangent, but you brought up a good point and just wanted to say, all I have heard was that satan is the only one who tempts us, NOT God... God uses our trials for a picture we cannot see. We are living our lives with a LIMITED perspective. That is important to understand... we cannot see the purpose of why all of these things happen, but everything happens for a reason. You just do your best, thats ALL you can do.

 

[oNecoOlazN]

ya just DONT GIVE A FUCK about anything or anyone.

 

[Marie1988]

to No1...well there has to be a reason why u must be the 'only' person in the world that feels that way? i am sorry but i fail to believe that anyone just happens to be that unfortunate, as the way u describe yourself. Im sure if you walked in the shoes of other people for a day, something would suck for them as well, maybe something different, but will still suck.
I get misunderstood alot! people naturally asume im thick coz of the way i speak (my accent) which is abit 'common', and im in university. but then they think im thick...but so what? im gonna have a degree in a few years, what does it matter? if anything its a good thing, because i can fit in with most people, you use your flaws to your advantage.
Ya know theres a few super models who got told their hole teenage life they were tall and lanky (ugly)...they used that to become models.

all im saying, is that no body is that unlucky that EVERYONE is horriable to you at no fault of your own. you must play a part in that, if its really that bad. thats not an insult, because that either means your just blowing alot of thing out of proportion. I smile at people sometimes who just look at me like shit back, they dont know me...so how can it be because it was purely me who smiled at them? its not. they just dont smile back at people. simple as that. if you let everytime that happened be a personal insult to you, ofcourse your gonna think people jsut hate you.

 

[limetree]

Often the world around us reflects back exactly what we give out. If we are angry, fearful, dark, depressed, shut off, isolated, violent...then what do we expect to see or receive from others in return?

Love, compassion, understanding - all the positive things in life that we desire and need - are all earned. They are not ours to have by right.

True, although I've always struggled with being the bigger person...when people hurt you it's so easy to crave revenge. A lot of my isolation problems perpetuate from feeling vindictive and carrying that hurt around as a chip on my shoulder.

I feel like everyone looks at me with the same face of scorn, or disgust, strong distaste, or like they all despise me, they all hate me, have no patience for a SCUM like me. And then blame everything even the whole worlds problems on me.

But often we look so far into what a "dirty look" implies and become fixated on it, projecting that the other person probably is still doing the same when you don't know whether they're like this to only you, may not be personal. What if their mood has changed by now? You'll never know if they regret but are too embarrassed to apologise? There's not enough information to jump to the worst conclusion even though benefit of the doubt isn't the easiest thing to assume for us.
Is it virtuous to hate people anyway if you continue to believe your perception is true? The belittler is the one belittled!

When you believe most people you come into contact with hate you it can feel impossible to "forgive" and radiate love. What I do is focus on how Jesus led by example; the idea of unconditional love being bigger than any form of human oppressive power and affirming myself with at least a desire to channel that sensitivity into a higher ideal by imagining what it would be like if someone else were on the receiving end of my resentment and felt it was their fault. Maybe I underestimate their capacity for understanding? Is it not a sound possibility?

In fact.. I disagree with most replies to me, that people think it's all my fault. I always tend to get people to misunderstand me and judge me as being selfish, and rude, etc.

....

I mean.. seriously don't you think the reason why I am talking this way is because I HAVE tried lots of things and nothing has really worked? Don't you think I maybe have just given up? And maybe the majority of people DO tend to misunderstand me or think or say nasty things about me, and that now I believe people will never recognize who I am?

Of course it's not all your fault but it's not all theirs either. Most people are ignorant not callous, if they truly understood/were hyperconscious of the universality of suffering they wouldn't be acting so carelessly with people's emotions. These people are not as sensitive/perceptive and they can't really help that either, sometimes I can pity it to be their loss, and if that is so I can't blame them for not knowing the most appropriate way to interact with me. Their eyes are not adjusted to the dark and are unclear of our needs. It takes effort on both parts- for us to also reach out, trying to educate people and raise awareness, even if it isn't always an initial success it is worthwhile in my opinion to persist.



You feel as though your problems drive people away? We posters don't want to drive you away either when all do intend to try and help. spw would be hypocritical for intentionally putting you down. Only way we can clear up misunderstandings is by continuing to communicate.

 

[Vanialo28]

...

 

[no1]

I gotta thank you all so kindly for the replies. I came to a realization yesterday and it's kinda reflected in gloomysunday's and limetree's posts. I remembered what a friend told me about the whole 'law of attraction' thing, which actually has been a bit more complicated (at least for me) than what most commercialized advertisements of it is... He told me to watch the tone with which I refer to the world and myself. I imagined some kind of .. machine that processes all my actions and words, at least the hidden context or tones in the words and feelings I may use. It really has been bitter. Though it's been hard to give in to the feeling of 'needing revenge' almost as if it's part of my "duty as a man" to "not give in" otherwise it is not "manly".

On the other hand... there are also those "holier than thou" people who tell me that I am just being negative and nasty, just for feeling pain which is only natural for me to feel, and nothing else. Just because I feel pain does not mean that I want more of it.. if I am hurt for real, it hurts.

Why have I become this way? I didn't mean to do this. I hated my world, my life, this society as I could hate a brother or sister of mine. People kept telling me about it and little did I know I became a very bitter person and became what I didn't think I'd become and I would never like it but.. I became identified with it. Sometimes the world just seemed to unreal that I forget that we are all human, and we are 'supposed to be' in this together.

 

[limetree]

I knew this girl who got frustrated with her friend having depression that she told her to cut out the resentment, that she was being too negative and this was causing most of her problems. Most people brush over the underlying hurt but I just wanted to tell her deal with it on that level first and gradually shift perspective- you can't immediately wipe the hurt out. It's deeply ingrained and hard to shake. I felt like her friend was merely looking for someone to understand at that stage why she felt that way, that she wasn't 'evil' for it.

I can be a very bitter person too and will sabotage my own desire for wellbeing; giving and getting what I deserve. I just have to keep reminding myself others are no different from myself.

 

[no1]

yeah resentment sucks especially when you feel it's for a damn good reason.. but I may have so much of it. What to do with it? To me its like.. what a person is supposed to do when they are being attacked. Be defensive. Or be on the offensive. whatever. not just that it feels biological.

The following is kinda related to the thread title.. and describes how I feel like people hate me.
...
yep. I feel like everyone sees me as a cretin. Btw what does "thick" mean? apparently I was thinking it also meant stupid, or someone who is like.. having thick emotions, or emotionally thick life, or just someone who seems to take everything too seriously. It seems like everyone hates me, and then people go ahead and think or call me stupid, "thick" , whatever. It also feels like I'm always being targeted, and always looked at as ridiculous. I get so much arrogance. People think I'm a joke. Treat me like a reject of society (but it feels that on the inside I am more than the misperceptions), and I can't find anyone that can like me or understand me for who I really am. Not even God if there is one. Or it seems like.

Seems like.. I am like.. set up for disaster, and then people just afterwards talk sh*t or make me look like I am stupid. Like WTH.

and yeah.. kinda like.. getting drunk stupid to the point where you just look like some kind of a fool, or child, naive, whatever. you think it's ok, but it's not ok. you're just a damn idiot, and you have no idea. Or people just seem to want to hide it, and underneath it all they all just F*CKING HATE EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF YOU, like an obsession. How can people just hate me like that? well it seems like an obsession. maybe I have OCD, but for a damn good reason, because I've come across a lot of haters, and it so happens that it seems the entire creation thinks it's justified.

It does seem childish or naive of people to hate me so much. it does seem childish or naive for me to think people hate me so much also. Like I undermine them. I guess I understand now that people DO have problems, just not like mine, or they don't have an idea of mines, or just the wrong idea.. and an idea which makes me look ridiculous to them, or they just misperceive me. Maybe I can't blame them, but it DOES get personal.

maybe I just got a lot of this stuff in high school , and it's been hard to get over it.. and still think it's prevalent everywhere I go, with adults, with college members, everyone. It does seem kind of naive tbh the way people treat me. Or ignorant. And it may also be ignorant/naive for me to think this way. People seem to see me as naive, or childish, and ridiculous. Maybe I am. Though I still feel misunderstood. (kinda hard to understand though when the truth of everything really important has been hidden for so long from people) Don't judge me too much if at all. We all had gone through some "problems". Yeah I know not like mine though right?

It does seem like I will never get anyone to understand me or like me. I feel so absolutely stuck this way... and I'm not even sure if I am misperceiving things.

can anyone relate or am I alone in this?

 

[meatcake]

hey no1, i know this is an old thread, but i thought it was interesting, and i can kind of understand where you're coming from. i was in a similar state when i was younger - my family environment was pretty negative, and i absorbed all of it, and that was just the filter i viewed the world through.

my brother had it a bit differently - he can make friends and do social things much better, but he gets into HUGE arguments with his friends and stops talking to them for years. and has similar problems with working with people. it's like he assumes all this hostility in them, and reacts to that imaginary hostility by being hostile, which provokes them into being hostile back. i can see how it would be hard to get out of, as it seems like all of your assumptions are constantly being proven true.

and it's definitely an imaginary assumption, as he's done it to me so many times over the years, assuming some negative motive on my part that is not there at all, and refusing to believe otherwise.

anyway, most people aren't like that - generally they are willing to meet people halfway. first impressions are kind of a negotiation - you kind of get back what you put out, so if you have all these negative thoughts, that's often what gets reflected back at you, unfortunately. i've been through stages of extreme paranoia where i provoked a lot of negative reactions from people, and it was a horrible state to be in.

but yeah, it's a bit of a paradox, how do you get into a more positive state? i haven't read all your threads, so i don't know if you've tried therapy, but that can help a lot, if you can find a counselor you like. and ssri's can help with reducing negative thoughts. one simple thing is just try to imagine that these people are seeing you positively instead. (i know, it's kind of hard to do.)

anyway, you sound like a decent person, that's just trapped in a fog of negative thoughts.