Snowdrop
Well-known member
Actually, I don't know whether it was just talking to my brother (he's a few years older than me) or whether it was the topic of conversation.
In general, he's the type who likes teasing me most of the time, like we'll bicker about silly things eg. what's right/what's wrong, he will always disagree with me just because, typical sibling arguments lol.
In the past, I'd just find him really annoying like normal. But now the things he says hurts me on a more personal level (he doesn't know about my anxiety or depression and I don't plan on telling him for various reasons) he doesn't know it though.
Anyway, I got off the phone from him, as he goes to university just a few moments ago. He was commenting on some photos from when I went clubbing a few days ago and in one of them I was sitting on a gay friend's lap with my thumbs up, for fun. He was being silly and asking why was my thumbs up, there was no point to it and it looked out of place etc. (would that really look out of place?! see i'm already questioning myself!! D: ) and the way he made it sound like I was stupid for sitting on his lap - he didn't know he was gay so maybe he was a bit weirded out that I was, and feeling protective but he was laughing at the same time, maybe to cover his concern - I'm not sure.
Was I overthinking the whole thing? But most importantly, I don't know why I felt really defensive all of a sudden, like REALLY defensive, kind of hurt and tired of the conversation, it's as if he can only make a conversation if he disagrees or teases me about something.
I felt like telling him "he's gay you know" just because I was scared of him judging me. Has anyone felt something similar ever before? It was almost like I really didn't want him to change his opinion of me or something.
Like I wanted it to be the same normal, annoying but carefree arguments from when we were younger but not the arguments we had today.
What does anyone think of this?? Why do I get so overly anxious about things that are so small like this??? Any answers would be appreciated. Thank you!! I'm just so confused and feeling like I've done something wrong ::
In general, he's the type who likes teasing me most of the time, like we'll bicker about silly things eg. what's right/what's wrong, he will always disagree with me just because, typical sibling arguments lol.
In the past, I'd just find him really annoying like normal. But now the things he says hurts me on a more personal level (he doesn't know about my anxiety or depression and I don't plan on telling him for various reasons) he doesn't know it though.
Anyway, I got off the phone from him, as he goes to university just a few moments ago. He was commenting on some photos from when I went clubbing a few days ago and in one of them I was sitting on a gay friend's lap with my thumbs up, for fun. He was being silly and asking why was my thumbs up, there was no point to it and it looked out of place etc. (would that really look out of place?! see i'm already questioning myself!! D: ) and the way he made it sound like I was stupid for sitting on his lap - he didn't know he was gay so maybe he was a bit weirded out that I was, and feeling protective but he was laughing at the same time, maybe to cover his concern - I'm not sure.
Was I overthinking the whole thing? But most importantly, I don't know why I felt really defensive all of a sudden, like REALLY defensive, kind of hurt and tired of the conversation, it's as if he can only make a conversation if he disagrees or teases me about something.
I felt like telling him "he's gay you know" just because I was scared of him judging me. Has anyone felt something similar ever before? It was almost like I really didn't want him to change his opinion of me or something.
Like I wanted it to be the same normal, annoying but carefree arguments from when we were younger but not the arguments we had today.
What does anyone think of this?? Why do I get so overly anxious about things that are so small like this??? Any answers would be appreciated. Thank you!! I'm just so confused and feeling like I've done something wrong ::
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