Why am I the way I am?

[getthejoj]

I know nobody cares to read me talking about myself, but I guess I want to get things off my back. If you want to read it, fine. My life is about as basic and simple as it gets. I'm 20, and I work a thirty hour a week job as a cook at a Senior Center, I drive a car that I'm still paying off to my mom, (and I still live with my mom.) I have no friends outside of work that I talk to anymore , and I sure as hell don't have a girlfriend. I haven't gone to college, and probably never will. In fact, I may not even have a job anymore because I've been hearing about how we might get shut down and blah blah blah. I also have bad health. I have asthma, allergies, and eczema. And the big thing is, I guess i have social phobia. I don't like tallking to strangers. I don't like driving to unfamiliar places, and I don't like trying new things. Or maybe I just like hiding behind a term like "social phobia" when, in truth, I'm just a gutless coward who's too scared and stupid to figure out how to talk to people and go new places. Or maybe I am the way I am on purpose. Maybe I want to be different, just so I can feel like I'm "on the outside looking in" or something. Maybe as a child I tried to emulate the shy kid characters I would see on tv because they always seemed to be intelligent and the protagonist. Or maybe I wanted to be the cool loner guy, but never pulled it off. Not the cool part, anyway. But anyway, I want to change my life. I just don't know how.

 

[LifeInternal88]

Hey.
I think start with self acceptance. It won't give you overnight confidence, but it will start the healing process and end the self abuse. I mean we can choose whatever ever thoughts we want about ourselves, yet we choose the worst ones. Let other people have bad thoughts towards us; we need to treat ourselves with respect.

I thought this was a good article
The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance | Psychology Today

 

[getthejoj]

Hi!
Oh, I've accepted it long ago. The trick is changing it. I've made some progress since I graduated high school, but there is alot more I need to do. I think the next step is moving out. Not that I can afford to on about $825/$850 a month, if that.

 

[laure15]

Oh, I've accepted it long ago. The trick is changing it. I've made some progress since I graduated high school, but there is alot more I need to do. I think the next step is moving out. Not that I can afford to on about $825/$850 a month, if that.

Moving out may not necessarily improve your self-esteem and confidence immediately. I think real change has to come from within. I moved out after high school and I've been the same cynical, socially anxious loner that I was years ago.

It's ok to not have a gf. Take things step by step, no pressure.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[surewhynot]

And I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn't, then why would I say I am? In the paper, the news, everyday I am, I don't know that's just the way I am. nanananannnanaa

Don't mind me :$