Who is wrong and who is good

[Falkor]

So my best friend in town who lives 5 minutes away is a bit upset with me. I told him I will visit his house at 5 pm today. But I sent him a text ''sorry too much on my mind, I want to stay home and mom also thinks it's good for me to do my homework'' anyways.... He texted me back and said ''You can't keep yourself on dates, you shouldn't have told me you come at 5 pm when you can't make it true'' so I texted him back ''I'm really sorry about this, I feel like a bad person now, but I just want to stay home, please do not be mad, and then i texted him again ÝOu know I got SA, and today you have 2 people over, so I feel very awkward around them and it scares me to visit you when people are over, it's stupid but i got severe sa, i'm sorry bout that'' he said ''well, you are going to meet another friend then, he has similiar problems, you need to talk with him cuz you need to get out of this problem, you have such bad sa'' and that's where the convo ended.

but anyways the question to you guys is:

is it bad that i canceled it today ??
and am i a bad person because of it ??
and do you guys also feel afraid of groups ??


and is there any hope left for me in this life to live ?

 

[CheshireCat]

I don't think it was bad you cancelled. You need to do what is best for you and true friends will understand, motivate you and work with you. That is what friendship is about. You responded in such a sincere way, you are far from a bad person. From having SA myself I can relate and I feel the same way around groups of people. It can be hard for some people to understand SA and I would have responded to your friend the same way you did if it were me in your situation. I would also be questioning myself if I was in the wrong or not; although looking at it from an outside perspective, you were not wrong. You wanted to stay home and you have every right to, granted most was due to SA but regardless if someone wants to be your friend, they need to respect you and difficulties you have with people, and if they can't then they are not a true friend to you.

 

[Lilly789]

Its not bad you cancelled. Its a little inconvenient for the other person - he could have really been looking forward to it and/or cancelled other plans, but most adults would NOT have an issue with it and move on - particularly when they know the other person has SA. He doesn't sound like the brightest bulb in the shop.

Cancelling because you don't want to hang out and would rather stay home is normal - everyone does it some times, not necessarily anything to do with SA, and everyone else gets along doing this fine.

What part of this interaction makes you think you might be a "bad" person? Do you think you are responsible for the way he chooses to handle a situation?

I'm not "afraid" of groups, I just don't hang out in groups because I feel extremely uncomfortable being in them, so I avoid them at all costs.

 

[LoyalXenite]

You most definitely are not a bad person for cancelling, your personal mental health is important and your friends have to understand that.

I agree that it could be annoying or inconvenient for the other person but a friend should be understanding and not try to force you to meet strangers or into group settings. Try to explain that his attitude towards your SA is not helping and explain how he could make things easier for you.

I absolutely hate being around strangers and in group settings.

There is always some hope for you, it just is hard to find sometimes.

 

[Satori_lotus]

It's not bad you cancelled, you were simply doing what you felt was right. I don't feel like your friend was understanding enough. You shouldn't be too hard on yourself.
I feel afraid of group at times but I've been improving slowly. It's all about shifting the attention of your focus from yourself and concentrating on whatever topic of conversation is happening at the time.

 

[bsammy]

it doesnt make you a bad person but id be cautious about teling people you have SA...most friends, even understanding ones are not going to understand what it means to have this disorder and whats even worse, they might even pity you or try to 'baby' your way out of it like your friend is trying to do..he/she is just trying to help you get over SA but it just goes to show you how ignorant this person is when it comes to SA..

i guess its much different for guys than girls when it comes to telling people you have SA..for many guys, it would be a very bad thing to tell people you have this condition..guys are very macho and its an alpha-male type environment and SA guys dont fare well..

 

[ascendedOne]

It was good of you to do what you felt was right in your heart, which was to not go over to your friends house. Next time, you do not need to apologize for anything. You are what is important, nothing else. If you do not feel like going out, you do not need to feel bad about that. It sounds as if your friend might be a negative influence on you right now. Sometimes its good to rid yourself of negative people so that you can focus on loving yourself first and foremost. Of course there is hope for you in this life. Stop wondering if there is hope for you and just assume that there is. Once you stop searching for hope and just accept life and allow things to come to you; you will feel much better.