who am I?????????????????! last two lines!!!!

[chained]

I am 17.. I've had a lot of things happen to me in the past.. I remember being happy maybe 6 years ago.. now I don;t have severe SA.. it is mostly my thoughts that persecute me even when I am alone...I am a perfectionist.. I guess most SAers are..
dunno how to get this down...
I used to be funny.. for a while.. then all my illnesses kicked in.. as I'm informed humor cannot be lost, and it should come back.. but what's killing me is that it has been two years. since I have been "normally" funny.and because of a remark made by my stupid therapist..I now doubt I was ever funny.. it feels like a piece of me has been ripped out.. it seems so unreachable again..the doubt thoughts are killing me..
then intelligence...I remember while I was living in america, till the age of 9.. I was the most intelligent amoung my classmates... no offense to the americans on this site.. but they weren;t that smart I am pretty good at languages..I learned spanish only from watching tv.. so I console myself..but I have the need to be above average intelligent..I freak out when someone is smarter than me.. In class when we discuss a book or something. I have no thoughts coming to me...and some of my classmates say the smartest things...it really gets to me..
personality in general: I fear I have no personality of my own...like everything was copied or that I just don;t .. iunno..every single person I know, younger than me has a personality...I don;t have many interests.. I am not rly talented...
yesterday in school: a girl was asked on psych class. what are ur capabilities.. she said I don't have any.. and she didn;t care:O why can;t I be like that..
depression: it has seemed to consume me the past week..I haven;t gone to school today.. I fear my grades.. failing.. everything.. I have no motivation.. and school is really hard..
SAers: I see most of u as very talented individuals...and no one like me...
IS THERE ANYONE ON HERE WHO HAS APPARENTLY NO TALENTS AND DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE IS, HIS PERSONALITY...

 

[Nack]

No one likes you? What about meh?
In terms of talents... Well hell, you learned spanish by watching freaking TV! and god knows how many more langauges you know. I don't know about you, but that's a talent in my book.

 

[Qbmaster]

I have sometimes have thoughts similar to your thoughts. I am a perfectionist just like you, and have always been. The thing with this negative way of looking at yourself is that it can not help you in any way. You say that you are untalented, but then you go on to list some of your talents. I don't know you, but judging from your post I would guess that you are a talented, intelligent, funny person with a low self esteem that makes you compare yourself to others and makes it hard for you to enjoy your own positive qualities. I will try to comment on some of your negative beliefs.

If everyone else has a personality except you, doesn't this automatically mean that your personality is unique? This means that you have your own personality. Everyone copies every part of their personality from someone else. Even if there is not one single part of your personality that is unique, it is made unique by the way you combine the different parts of it.

The fact that you meet people that seem smarter than you does not mean that you are not intelligent. In fact, if you look for people on your own intelligence level you are (statistically) likely to be of about average intelligence in that group. There will always be people who are smarter than you. If intelligence is important for you to be happy, and if your intelligence is at least close to average, then there are about three billion people on the planet who should be less happy than you are. But it is a bit silly to be doing that kind of math. You learned Spanish just from watching tv, which means that you should never have to worry that you are not smart.

And lastly, if you want to be unique and have your own personality - stop comparing yourself to other people! You are not them and you probably do not want to be them. You are the only person who will ever have the chance to be you. Doesn't that alone make you unique?

 

[chained]

I have sometimes have thoughts similar to your thoughts. I am a perfectionist just like you, and have always been. The thing with this negative way of looking at yourself is that it can not help you in any way. You say that you are untalented, but then you go on to list some of your talents. I don't know you, but judging from your post I would guess that you are a talented, intelligent, funny person with a low self esteem that makes you compare yourself to others and makes it hard for you to enjoy your own positive qualities. I will try to comment on some of your negative beliefs.

If everyone else has a personality except you, doesn't this automatically mean that your personality is unique? This means that you have your own personality. Everyone copies every part of their personality from someone else. Even if there is not one single part of your personality that is unique, it is made unique by the way you combine the different parts of it.

The fact that you meet people that seem smarter than you does not mean that you are not intelligent. In fact, if you look for people on your own intelligence level you are (statistically) likely to be of about average intelligence in that group. There will always be people who are smarter than you. If intelligence is important for you to be happy, and if your intelligence is at least close to average, then there are about three billion people on the planet who should be less happy than you are. But it is a bit silly to be doing that kind of math. You learned Spanish just from watching tv, which means that you should never have to worry that you are not smart.

And lastly, if you want to be unique and have your own personality - stop comparing yourself to other people! You are not them and you probably do not want to be them. You are the only person who will ever have the chance to be you. Doesn't that alone make you unique?

thanks a lot for ur reply! I just agreed with what u said.. I didn;t think I had a low self esteem till now.. some other components and u made me realize that I do have one.. cuz in real life I don;t feel I have low self esteem.. but I've realized that I subconsciously have a low self - esteem, otherwise.. I wouldn't be questioning this stuff,actually it;s pretty darn obvious.. but I prefer not to think that way... I usually think I can do stuff but that smthg is stopping me.. my doctor told me say: I can;t do it, and then u will be able.. I guess it;s a defense mechanism and it has a lot to do with me subconsciously having a low self-esteem.. dunno if u got me.. my head is pretty mixed up now..but THX A LOT FOR THE REPLY!!!!!!

 

[chained]

No one likes you? What about meh?
In terms of talents... Well hell, you learned spanish by watching freaking TV! and god knows how many more langauges you know. I don't know about you, but that's a talent in my book.

hahahah thx Nack Lee

 

[redski]

Hey chained,
I am much older than you and I can relate to what you say.
I just think, as I do, you have low self esteem and you doubt yourself.

I had that to. I also lived in the states and there I was a straight A
student and then I came to Europe and I am an average student.

I have been told this before. Try not to be so down on yourself.
I'm sure you are a smart girl but you just doubt yourself.

 

[chained]

Hey chained,
I am much older than you and I can relate to what you say.
I just think, as I do, you have low self esteem and you doubt yourself.

I had that to. I also lived in the states and there I was a straight A
student and then I came to Europe and I am an average student.

I have been told this before. Try not to be so down on yourself.
I'm sure you are a smart girl but you just doubt yourself.

thanks Redski! a lot! but I'm still an almost stragiht A student here, it's just the class discussions that kill me :/ :S

 

[redski]

thanks Redski! a lot! but I'm still an almost stragiht A student here, it's just the class discussions that kill me :/ :S

That's great. Yeah, well when at uni I also do not like to talk in class because I blush but I try to do it as much as I can. Talk that is

 

[Luke1993]

I used to be funny.. for a while.. then all my illnesses kicked in.. as I'm informed humor cannot be lost, and it should come back.. but what's killing me is that it has been two years. since I have been "normally" funny.and because of a remark made by my stupid therapist..I now doubt I was ever funny.. it feels like a piece of me has been ripped out.. it seems so unreachable again..the doubt thoughts are killing me..

IS THERE ANYONE ON HERE WHO HAS APPARENTLY NO TALENTS AND DOESN'T KNOW WHO HE IS, HIS PERSONALITY...

Yes, me. I'm basically exactly the same. I thought I was funny years ago. Now I'm not, maybe I never was. No talents or real personality either unfortunately.

 

[Hellhound]

I don't feel I have a personality, I don't have a sense of self. I don't know who the hell I am. I am many different people but there's no such thing as "me" as an individual person, I don't even think like an individual, because I feel my mind is fragmented. I don't know if that is your case? It's really difficult for me to explain...

As for talent... many people say I'm talented, but I can't see it. All I see is failure.

 

[chained]

I don't feel I have a personality, I don't have a sense of self. I don't know who the hell I am. I am many different people but there's no such thing as "me" as an individual person, I don't even think like an individual, because I feel my mind is fragmented. I don't know if that is your case? It's really difficult for me to explain...

As for talent... many people say I'm talented, but I can't see it. All I see is failure.

I feel the same way.. like my mind is fragmented...:/

 

[jbeenthere]

I fear I have no personality of my own...like everything was copied or that I just don;t .. iunno..every single person I know, younger than me has a personality...I don;t have many interests.. I am not rly talented...

i totally relate to that one. it's like I copied things from other people i thought I could maybe pull off in public. but it makes you feel even worse to know that you have to be someone else to get by.

the whole thing is that we are scared to reveal who we are for fear of being judged so we bury ourselves deep inside somewhere. the greatest task for someone dealing with sa is to find the compassion to love yourself and what you have had to do to survive. being fractured, avoiding, hiding - these are all parts of who we are, parts of our current personality. working through the phobia will produce a new personality - courageous, battle tested, but not confident (which is a good thing). the one thing we have that others don't is first-hand knowledge of the darker side of the human experience and not many can handle the images. we know that there is a master more powerful than we are individually and that being confident in yourself is an illusion. but being confident in a group or community to help heal is a totally different animal. having to live without a clear sense of self is unbearable - just know that your self is still there but is hurting and has changed from when you were "normal" and "funny", and "smart". you are a different person now but you are a better person for having survived and adapted to a miserable mental health condition. just don't stop trying to work through the phobia. remember snakes can be dangerous but that doesn't mean you should kill all the snakes you find in your backyard.

 

[chained]

i totally relate to that one. it's like I copied things from other people i thought I could maybe pull off in public. but it makes you feel even worse to know that you have to be someone else to get by.

the whole thing is that we are scared to reveal who we are for fear of being judged so we bury ourselves deep inside somewhere. the greatest task for someone dealing with sa is to find the compassion to love yourself and what you have had to do to survive. .

exactly.. all of what is mostly us is in our subconscious, the question is how to bring it to our consciousness, when we dont even know where it lies. the only way is by saying: I dont care. I am who I am, and thats what matters.. but to do that man must reach a high amount of courage.
It is much easier to say I am this and that(funny, smart)., but its all in my subconcious..
so is it better to be nobody, but be yourself
or to be nobody and never be yourself..
I don't have the courage..

the topic still supresses me so bad, that i cant even think about it..
I forbid myself to think even to myself, so I wouldnt be "stupid" "not funny"...

 

[jbeenthere]

i'm not sure i agree with the subconscious part and I probably shouldn't have used the term "hidden somewhere inside". It may be a more depressing thought but the reality as i see it is that you are what you do. when you were being funny in front of people you could consider yourself to be socially "funny" or entertaining. when you made smart comments in class you considered yourself to be "smart". since you have had SA you have been compromised in your ability to be "funny" or "smart". but that is because you now have a phobia of being in front of people. you still probably have the ability to be "funny" and "smart" but have not had the chance to practice and that "smart" muscle is a little atrophied. and of course none of us will be exactly the way we were many years ago. you are still a talented person just for the fact that you have had to think your way through SA. and unfortunately it takes up a lot of energy to do so. working through the phobia takes patience and persistence and A LOT of support and compassion from someone who knows how to help. chances are that finding a person who knows how to really help are not so good as there are simply not enough people trained to do the job correctly. that is why I think for many, this site can be a great too for recovery if we really get down to serious business. we deserve to be healed and not live in shame.

 

[mrb]

hey i like you little fighter , and i have 0 talents , you are petty good at languages , you do have humor you have made laugh a few times lol and the way you put your self over on here is very good , and you do have a personality we all do , in fact we have had a conversation on here ages ago , on mini messeger , and you were very funny to talk to , i think chained your being a little hard on yourself ...... and you talk about intelligence you are intelligente , you want to try being me lol i have to look on google how to spell a long word and copy and paste it , just so people dont know how uneducated i am .... so chained listen to your old mate gazza theres nothing wrong with you

 

[chained]

hey i like you little fighter , and i have 0 talents , you are petty good at languages , you do have humor you have made laugh a few times lol and the way you put your self over on here is very good , and you do have a personality we all do , in fact we have had a conversation on here ages ago , on mini messeger , and you were very funny to talk to , i think chained your being a little hard on yourself ...... and you talk about intelligence you are intelligente , you want to try being me lol i have to look on google how to spell a long word and copy and paste it , just so people dont know how uneducated i am .... so chained listen to your old mate gazza theres nothing wrong with you

lmao! ty gazza!