Which of these is most important to overcome SA in your opinion?

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Number 1.
I've come to accept the fact that quite a bit of the "percieved" judgements that I think people are putting on me are actually indeed true, not matter how much my psychologist suggests otherwise. We just need to learn how to not care/cope properly with people and those who like to "tell it how it is" to your face.

 

[Pink_Paula]

Seeing you gives me a lot of hope about myself. I too always received put downs and negative comments about how I looked, I was called ugly a number of times and had comments ridiculing and putting me down about imperfections/flaws in my appearance and it really did make me believe there is something very wrong with how I look and my imperfections and flaws are a big deal and I am inadequate for them.

When I look at your pics I can honestly say that your opinion of yourself is so influenced by the past negative judgements that you cannot see the reality. When others look at you they are not biased and influenced by people telling them that you are fat or ugly. You look pretty and you have a fantastic figure.
Do you ever look at yourself and think that what you see is different from how you believe you are - i.e. does your opinion on yourself not quite match up with the image you believed you must be from all the past negative judgements?
I now make the most of myself totally, I couldn't look much better now as I am a weight I am very happy with, I have cool stylish hair that I get cut every 4 weeks, I have nice eyes and good teeth. I dress really smart and cool, I am very clean and wear nice aftershave, etc. When I look in the mirror at myself when I look my best I think I look cool and fine and have no negative thoughts about how I look. But as soon as I am around people I feel like people see me as the ugliest person on earth because of the past negative judgements.

I think you and I really have to stop dwelling on past negative judgements and really work on developing positive thoughts on how we look, gaining confidence in our appearance. Instead of dwelling on all the past negative judgements think of all the positive comments and experiences, they are more real and fair than the negative comments.
Being self conscious of how you look and having no confidence in how you look and believing you are inferior and inadequate makes you so anxious being looked at and drains confidence around people. Negative thinking is just keeping this problem going, it has to stop. If you ever think negatively about how you look or find yourself fearing what people think of you, think of some positive comments/experiences you've received - even if it is people on here saying you look nice, it is true.

Thanks for such a great reply

I'm sorry that you had horrible comments made to you as well, but i think you rock for turning them around and making a change, just by making a little bit of effort with yourself can make you feel so much more confident. I know when i wear something nice or have a new haircut it can make me feel less negative about myself, and because i feel semi ok when i go out i don't seem to worry as much about what people think of me.

It's rare that i will look at myself and see a nice looking person, but it does happen, so i guess what i should do is work on remembering why i felt good at that time and try to keep that in my mind for the next time i feel terrible.

I try to think positively i really do, just something always seems to happen to push me back down, and i guess in a way i have had these thoughts about myself for so long that in a sick way it's easier to carry on being negative rather than having to face my problems and turn them around. It's silly really!