when you try to hide the way you appear...

[no1]

today I was at school... and I was studying at a science lab. There was a group of people there. I just SEEMED anxious... maybe I wasn't that anxious but I did seem anxious, or something. Does it ever happen to you when things are quiet, and you just become so self conscious, you make certain movements and you think people might misinterpret you. I sometimes feel people notice my every movement even a slight movement and can probably even get an idea of what I'm thinking about by watching my body language (even though I may not be thinking that way). I sometimes appear like a creeper.

Anyway... I always try also not to make a big deal about it because the more I look like I'm hiding something, the more it'll seem like I was trying to hide real intentions or actual thoughts.

Well... sometimes I have no choice but to act a certain way I guess. I twitch or make small movements, or I look tensed up... but then I don't want to untense myself in front of everyone because then it'll look like I was REALLY tense. Ie for example I have my shoulder kinda tense or like high, and I want to relax but I dont want to make it very noticeable that I'm trying to relax because people who are looking at me are going to see me trying to relax in a very noticeable way, and that might scare people off.

I'm trying to act as if there really is nothing to worry about in the first place, even though there might have been. But I end up tensing up because I dont want to let myself look like I'm trying to relax (because I might need a great deal of relaxation).

if I all of a sudden drop my shoulders a great deal or look like I'm unwinding people might be like "wtf are you ok!? let's stay away from him".

Especially as a guy because guys are supposed to be naturally care free if not it's because he's not a guy or not getting laid enough (ie he's unmanly).

 

[no1]

but yea actually what happened in the science lab was a spoke a little too loudly and sounded harsh. I sounded really upset or something. I thought I had asked a stupid question or a question that made me seem inexperienced. I was also around a group of females. I then said "you know what, I'll just leave". everyone was like "ook" and I just said "don't worry I just go crazy sometimes". Everyone obviously felt uncomfortable.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

Your problem is you think everybody is staring at you 24-7. Chances are, people aren't paying much attention to you.

And what makes you think anyone would care if you tried to "unwind" in class? Unless you pass out and start snoring, nobody will even notice. I hope you realize that you're being overly paranoid.

I'm no dr, but I'm giving you a prescription for a shitload of meditation and exercise.

 

[SickJoke]

today I was at school... and I was studying at a science lab. There was a group of people there. I just SEEMED anxious... maybe I wasn't that anxious but I did seem anxious, or something.

So it seems like your anxiety is starting to go away, but you're still running the same behavior patterns as when you were anxious, correct? So you're still behaving as if you were anxious, because you're so used to being anxious? That makes perfect sense, and it's definitely progress.

Does it ever happen to you when things are quiet, and you just become so self conscious, you make certain movements and you think people might misinterpret you.

Yeah I understand, I went through the same stage. Self consciousness is a huge part of social anxiety. You're making progress as the anxiety is starting to go away, but you're still feeling self conscious. That's OK. It's progress.

I sometimes feel people notice my every movement even a slight movement and can probably even get an idea of what I'm thinking about by watching my body language (even though I may not be thinking that way). I sometimes appear like a creeper.



Anyway... I always try also not to make a big deal about it because the more I look like I'm hiding something, the more it'll seem like I was trying to hide real intentions or actual thoughts.

Well... sometimes I have no choice but to act a certain way I guess. I twitch or make small movements, or I look tensed up... but then I don't want to untense myself in front of everyone because then it'll look like I was REALLY tense. Ie for example I have my shoulder kinda tense or like high, and I want to relax but I dont want to make it very noticeable that I'm trying to relax because people who are looking at me are going to see me trying to relax in a very noticeable way, and that might scare people off.

I'm trying to act as if there really is nothing to worry about in the first place, even though there might have been. But I end up tensing up because I dont want to let myself look like I'm trying to relax (because I might need a great deal of relaxation).

OK listen closely because I've been through those exact same paranoia loops. Here's what you're doing:

1. You're thinking about your body language and the way you're being perceived.
2. You're subconsciously looking for signals from everyone around you, to see how they're reacting to you, hoping that you're acting in an acceptable way.
3. You're tensing up, hoping not to draw attention to yourself.
4. Repeat step 1, and the cycle continues.

So you have to disrupt the cycle. You have to change your focus.

1. Pay attention to what's going on around you. Open your eyes and ears. Pay close attention to the professor.
2. Take control of your self talk. Not just the words that you're using in your head, but also the speed and tonality (see the thread in my sig "One thing that changed my life.")
3. Relax your body language and your breathing. Drop all the tension out.

if I all of a sudden drop my shoulders a great deal or look like I'm unwinding people might be like "wtf are you ok!? let's stay away from him".

**** that. If you want to drop your shoulders and relax, you're entitled to.

Especially as a guy because guys are supposed to be naturally care free if not it's because he's not a guy or not getting laid enough (ie he's unmanly).

You can be care free if you want. Just do it.

but yea actually what happened in the science lab was a spoke a little too loudly and sounded harsh. I sounded really upset or something. I thought I had asked a stupid question or a question that made me seem inexperienced. I was also around a group of females. I then said "you know what, I'll just leave". everyone was like "ook" and I just said "don't worry I just go crazy sometimes". Everyone obviously felt uncomfortable.

Man you really perceive yourself negatively. You didn't have to leave, and you didn't have to make an excuse for being YOU. **** it man, you have to learn to enjoy your own company.

 

[zofia-life-coach]

The only way for you is to accept yourself the way you are with all your tensions. Without trying to look a certain way. You are not able to predict what other think of you and what impression do you make. Trust me most of the times they don’t care When you start analyzing the situation start thinking so what that I appear this or the other way if they don’t like you they can piss-off
Good luck

 

[mndigi]

I have increasingly come to think that to pretend what you are not is stupid. I have had my share of it. It's stressful. And it's pointless. It's something like a bubble. Just enjoy life by being yourself.

 

[Interzone]

I know what you mean, sometimes around other people in school I become very self conscious about every little movement I make, then I start to feel like I move in unnatural ways and that's it's bringing attention to me even though it's not.