when dating, how soon do you talk about your SA?
- Thread starter CrazyGirl
- Start date
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
You can do that. I mean, do whatever you feel is right so you can attract the boyfriend of your dreams. But, I personally, probably wouldn't bring it up until later. Until then, it would be a "don't ask, don't tell" kind of thing. I just don't like putting everything on the table in the beginning, but, knowing me, I'd probably do the same thing as you:
:, so go ahead!
But, I have no idea on how to handle relationships, so trust me at your own risk, okay?
:, so go ahead!But, I have no idea on how to handle relationships, so trust me at your own risk, okay?
IrishRampage
Member
Great question, well for me personally when I was talking to a friend it eventually came out pretty early when she mentioned "Your usually so quiet" to which I usually respond with some half assed answer. But I guess I just thought "Why not mention it? I've got nothing to lose and hey, it might make an interesting convo topic later on". I'm sure in your case he will be understanding, and will respect what you do, and who knows you may find out he has it too, at least that's what happened for me. I would say just casually mention on it while talking to him, nothin to loose right, good luck
Oblomov
Member
Just before the first kiss. Say he's dropping you off after a successful 2nd date. Just as you are about to get out the car you look back at him and at that point you both know it's on. Two heads getting closer and closer together, lips puckered, eyes closed. with about 12 inches to go, stop.
You
"I really like you Joe (or whoever), but I need to tell you something about myself; remember we were talking earlier about me being shy? Well, I am shy, but not just a little shy... I am a lot shy. In fact, it pretty much dominates my life. I don't fully understand it... it's like lead in my shoes... like a net that's got me all tangled up... constricted... like I am its prisoner somehow. I don't know if I can ever let someone in here (hand on heart), but I have to try, and I want to try with you..."
Guy
"Well you know what baby? It's the thing I like most about you. Let me tell you, every sole on this earth has got some sort of problem that they can't hardly explain and that's all their own... you, me, everybody... lets be crazy together."
You
"I really like you Joe (or whoever), but I need to tell you something about myself; remember we were talking earlier about me being shy? Well, I am shy, but not just a little shy... I am a lot shy. In fact, it pretty much dominates my life. I don't fully understand it... it's like lead in my shoes... like a net that's got me all tangled up... constricted... like I am its prisoner somehow. I don't know if I can ever let someone in here (hand on heart), but I have to try, and I want to try with you..."
Guy
"Well you know what baby? It's the thing I like most about you. Let me tell you, every sole on this earth has got some sort of problem that they can't hardly explain and that's all their own... you, me, everybody... lets be crazy together."
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doubtmyself
Banned
I'm not sure if everyone understands the humour in this post.
It was meant to be funny, wasn't it?
Oblomov
Member
I was thinking about a scene from the film "Buffalo Soldiers" with Joaquin Phoenix and Anna Paquin...
Phoenix drops Paquin off at her parents house. They're staring at each other, all loved up and giddy. Just before they kiss, she lifts up her top, revealing a large scar on her belly. She's embarrassed and ashamed, but wants to get everything out in the open before they go any further. Phoenix (classy guy that he is) leans over and kisses the scar... the scar is maybe a metaphor for emotional scars, I dunno... anyway, the sexy time began soon after that
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yeah, I found it funny!
I think when you are getting to know each other better, not in the beginning. Because unless he was crazy about you, it could possibly make him take off whereas if you told him later, he would realise you might have SA but you do have other positive qualities making SA issues seem diminished.
LazyHermitCrab
Well-known member
i just say i'm shy around some people if the person im dating asks
this_portrait
Well-known member
If I were you, I would wait until at least after a few dates to bring it up. Get to know each other first a bit, but not so much that you become emotionally attached (because you don't want to end up feeling hurt if he's put off by it).
I've only admitted my SA to two guys I've dated so far. The first one was after the guy first admitted to me that he in fact has SA (which allowed me to open up more about my own). The second one was my ex, and he actually found out about my SA by snooping around online and finding blog posts I made about it. I've talked about it with him, but he ended up being less accepting.
Right now, I'm not sure when I'll bring up my SA to the guy I've been going out with lately. I'm only going on a second date with him pretty soon, so it'll probably be a while before I bring it up.
I've only admitted my SA to two guys I've dated so far. The first one was after the guy first admitted to me that he in fact has SA (which allowed me to open up more about my own). The second one was my ex, and he actually found out about my SA by snooping around online and finding blog posts I made about it. I've talked about it with him, but he ended up being less accepting.
Right now, I'm not sure when I'll bring up my SA to the guy I've been going out with lately. I'm only going on a second date with him pretty soon, so it'll probably be a while before I bring it up.
setmefree
Member
Hm, idunno... In the beginning I told my boyfriend that I was only shy and such... I didn't tell him I had Social fobia until I panicked about meeting his parents. At first he got angry with me because I didn't want to meet them, but now he has accepted it (even though he still doesn't understand fully).