HopevsHopeless
New member
Hi all,
I have been spending a lot of time with a old friend who has love-shy tendencies. People said that he liked me for a long time, and meanwhile, he has never dated anyone openly but has, according to his friends, had "a thing" over the past few years with one or two girls I've met as his "friends." I used to try to get him to date people, but it never worked. For many years I assumed he was a virgin, and he may still be in his late 20s. He is an introvert, like me, but has great friendships and has a lot of different activities going on. He's friendly and funny and wouldn't at first glance appear to be "shy."
Fast forward a few months, and I have moved back to the West Coast, and we're hanging out a lot. He initiates plans with me, and when we meet up he gives me a hug and a kiss and is excited to see me, but except for a one or two quick attempts, it has not gone further than cuddling or kissing. I have not tried to rush things or discuss it, because we are still getting used to living in the same place and being more than "just friends" to each other.
We are getting very close emotionally and I love the time we spend together, but I'm worried about the fact that our physical relationship hasn't moved on to a more intimate stage. Another friend keeps telling me that if he doesn't initiate sex in the next few weeks, I should move on and be with someone who can handle a more fully developed relationship.
My question is, am I correct in thinking that, if I continue to hang out with my friend a couple of times a week (and most of the weekend) and just enjoy the time we spend together, the relationship will eventually become more intimate, even if it takes awhile? Or does the current state of things suggest that this will never happen? Also, is there something I could be doing to make him more comfortable with me? Even though I understand some of his issues, I have taken a very different trajectory than he has with relationships and may not know the right way to approach what is developing between us.
Thanks for reading!
HvH
I have been spending a lot of time with a old friend who has love-shy tendencies. People said that he liked me for a long time, and meanwhile, he has never dated anyone openly but has, according to his friends, had "a thing" over the past few years with one or two girls I've met as his "friends." I used to try to get him to date people, but it never worked. For many years I assumed he was a virgin, and he may still be in his late 20s. He is an introvert, like me, but has great friendships and has a lot of different activities going on. He's friendly and funny and wouldn't at first glance appear to be "shy."
Fast forward a few months, and I have moved back to the West Coast, and we're hanging out a lot. He initiates plans with me, and when we meet up he gives me a hug and a kiss and is excited to see me, but except for a one or two quick attempts, it has not gone further than cuddling or kissing. I have not tried to rush things or discuss it, because we are still getting used to living in the same place and being more than "just friends" to each other.
We are getting very close emotionally and I love the time we spend together, but I'm worried about the fact that our physical relationship hasn't moved on to a more intimate stage. Another friend keeps telling me that if he doesn't initiate sex in the next few weeks, I should move on and be with someone who can handle a more fully developed relationship.
My question is, am I correct in thinking that, if I continue to hang out with my friend a couple of times a week (and most of the weekend) and just enjoy the time we spend together, the relationship will eventually become more intimate, even if it takes awhile? Or does the current state of things suggest that this will never happen? Also, is there something I could be doing to make him more comfortable with me? Even though I understand some of his issues, I have taken a very different trajectory than he has with relationships and may not know the right way to approach what is developing between us.
Thanks for reading!
HvH
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