What should I do about this job?

[Watson]

First, I'm new to the forum. So be gentle, ha.

The issue is, I recently got a job in retail (till work and restocking etc) that literally terrifies me. I have three shifts; Monday, Sunday, Friday - and the rest of my week is now composed of sitting on my sofa, thinking about what I did wrong in my last shift, counting down the hours until I have to go there again.

I'm 18, I'm a student, I live with my mum, this is my first job. It's a summer job; I'll be going to uni at the end of the holidays (end of september).
The only reason I got the job in the first place was because my mother was pressuring me to get a summer job, to the point where she was in my opinion emotionally abusing me. She started this out of the blue a week or two into the holidays, and then expected me to get a job STRAIGHT AWAY.
Obviously with this economy it took weeks to even get an interview; and out of 8 people, I was chosen for the job. I was very shocked..and devastated from the very start. It seemed irrational that I'd react this way at first, but then I began to realise there was only worse to come.

This is now my 5th shift into the job, and since the beginning I have had a gigantic drop in appetite, I've had difficulty sleeping, stomach cramps, headaches, nausea every day. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying when I go in for a shift, and I have to hide in the toilets at the workplace to cry at the end of my shift before I leave and go to my mum (who picks me up).
Mum tells me 'it's good for me' to have this job, and to 'think of the good aspects'...well that's hard to do when you're staring into the toilet bowl, having your pre-work anxious vomit.
There is one good thing; money. However, I already have enough money to last me at uni until I find a job I'm comfortable with in the new area (I have to move to uni). And because she forced me into it, the money doesn't even seem like a good thing.

I have enough stress already dealing with my parents' divorce and finding out that my father was cheating on my mum before he ran out of my life, but that's another issue entirely - it just has the added effect of, woohoo, even more stress.

I will also be taking off this Sunday shift in order to see a friend that I really won't ever see again. She's going to a uni in another country, and we'll have no money to travel much
That's right. I'm calling in sick (if my mother doesn't kill me when I tell her).
I feel no guilt about that. Heheheh. x)

What I really need is opinions, please..
Do you think I should;

1) Stick out the job until the end of september.
If I do this, I'll suffer the fear, anxiety, and sickness..not to mention the inability to do anything else besides sit on the sofa feeling worthless on the days I'm not working. My family has a history of stress-related stomach ulcer development, which is another worry for me.

OR

2) Quit the job ASAP.
If I do this, I'll suffer guilt thinking that I'm a total failure. My mother will probably start screaming at me constantly again.
But I won't have any of the horror from working!
And at least my summer will be free to see the friends I'll never see again..without pulling a sickie. x)


I said at the top of the post to be gentle, but I think you should actually be honest. If that means brutally honest, then so be it.

Thanks for any replies that I get, at all
Thanks for reading!

 

[Luke1993]

Afternoon Watson! Welcome to the forums! Hmm well I'm in a kinda similar situation to you, although I actually haven't got a job yet, I've been looking for some time but nothing has come up! So I've applied for a volunteer job at an old people's home (So that I can get some sort of experience) and I'm waiting to hear back from them!

I personally would pick option 1 after all you would go back in September (I'm making a Sherlock Holmes deduction here so I may be wrong on that lol) so that's only a month's worth of doing this job. It'll be quite hard, but if you say you have enough money, I would treat myself say every week with what I earn which would lessen the stress a bit, reward yourself for your efforts! I'm sure that once you conquer it you'll feel much better, and be more confident in later jobs! Don't let it beat you!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

This is now my 5th shift into the job, and since the beginning I have had a gigantic drop in appetite, I've had difficulty sleeping, stomach cramps, headaches, nausea every day. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying when I go in for a shift, and I have to hide in the toilets at the workplace to cry at the end of my shift before I leave and go to my mum (who picks me up).
Mum tells me 'it's good for me' to have this job, and to 'think of the good aspects'...well that's hard to do when you're staring into the toilet bowl, having your pre-work anxious vomit.

I take it you haven't been officially diagnosed? Have you considered explaining to your mother what torture this is for you? She may of course just think you're whining. It can be difficult for anyone to understand remotely what it's like, and persuading her that you have a real problem might involve research and asking to see a therapist. If the choice is that or keep being miserable at this job (then the next, etc), it may be worth it to you.

 

[Watson]

Thanks you two for replying, and thanks for the warm welcome

Nathaniel, no I haven't been officially diagnosed.
The whole of my family see therapists except for me, and although they may not do it intentionally, they put pressure on me to be the only one who stays 'healthy'.
I did what you said and explained to my mother, who just keeps on saying 'oh, it's not that bad' - 'the work isn't what makes you feel like this' - 'you're putting this on' etc..
If I try to explain further, she becomes defensive and starts shouting 'well just QUIT then' (which of course she doesn't really mean).
Ahhh, my lovely family xD.

Luke, thanks for the confidence vote
I think you're probably right morally, and I think I'll end up staying just to avoid feeling like a failure.

Thanks for both bits of advice!
I think I might reach a compromise between both options.
On the 19th, I get my A-level results. This will determine which uni I go to (scary) x).
On the 20th, I will march happily into work, regardless of results, and I will hand in my notice. I don't know the notice period, it could be 1 week, it could be a month - either way, I'll live with it!
Hopefully I'll be able to do that as it gives me something to look forwards to..

Thank you for your help!
(And for mentioning Sherlock Holmes, Luke )

 

[AnxietyDave]

It might not seem like it but it is actually quite elementary dear Watson, you need to do what you feel is the best for you, however I do feel that sometimes one just needs to give something a chance.

If you allow your anxiety to force you to quit and it is for no other reason than your anxiety, then you are giving it food on which to feed and it will be to easy for it to then force you into a cycle which becomes very easy to break and can have a very negative effect on your life.

This is just my opinion, but the more you feed your anxiety, the worse it becomes, hope this helps and all the best regardless of what you decide to do.

 

[SilverFire]

Man, that sounds horrible. I think Luke hit the mother lode, though. If you're going to stay even until August 20, REWARD YOURSELF. Especially if you've lost weight, it's ok to pig out and eat some ice cream. The problem with enduring what you're going through is that when you're in it, it looks like there's no end. If you can look forward to anything that helps ya make it through. Think about it like this: every day you make it through you have scored one small victory. That's one more day where SA didn't rule your life -- one more day where you won. And winners get something, don't they?