What if...What if I don't have OCD

[Jetra]

Okay, I didn't know where else to post this, so I thought I'd post here. Anyway, I'm gonna unload.

Me and my brother got into an argument about fears and phobias. He said that you can't experience anything if you've never done it. Later it turned into a shouting contest about OCD when my brother said I didn't have OCD.

Could it be possible, that I'm faking it? What if I'm faking so good that I actually have it? Is it possible? Are my bleeding hands and very neat organizational skills just mind over matter? What if I DO have OCD and I'm just obsessing over not having OCD? To make matters worse, I lost some sleep last night because of these thoughts.

I....probably should see a shrink?

 

[Matthew87]

hi, hope you're doing better , do you have some negative toughts or any symptoms? because i suffer from ocd and if i can, im trying to help you

 

[Feathers]

Jetra, is your brother upset over the thought you might have OCD? Does he even know what OCD is?

My mom kept saying I don't have ADD/ADHD until I read her the symptoms from Wikipedia.. Then she agreed I might have 'some' symptoms...

 

[Jetra]

Jetra, is your brother upset over the thought you might have OCD? Does he even know what OCD is?

My mom kept saying I don't have ADD/ADHD until I read her the symptoms from Wikipedia.. Then she agreed I might have 'some' symptoms...

Not trying to sound mean or anything, but my brother is, of late, pissed off at the entire world. We had recently moved from the suburbs more into the city, so he can't see his one friend anymore. I ask him a simple question and the only words out of his mouth is the complete swears and slurs straight from the dictionary.

Also, he keeps trying to keep me down, every time I get ambitious, he's there telling me all of the reasons how I'd fail rather than helping me. I was thinking of opening my own business, and he tells me that I need money, employees, location, business plan, I'm stupid because there's already someone who's already done that or my idea is so stupid because nobody would like it.

I was writing a book, but instead of praise, my brother shot me down telling me my writing sucks and that I'll never sell a copy...I have very low self-confidence. I usually say more than I do.

As for the negative thoughts, Let me tell you a story, it'll probably help both you and me understand (not trying to sound sarcastic, this still freaks me 4 1/2 years later):

I was starting school at the age of seven. Not much I remember there except for the one thought. I didn't know much until the third year, but this particular thought has bugged me for almost 2 years by then.

There I am, in third grade, and I know what death means. I realized I was seeing my mom...dead. This happened until I was 16, when she died. The part that has me unnerved was the fact I was 99% right on her dying and what the house exactly looked like. The only thing was that my brother had told me my mom was dead, instead, it was my dad.

Another thing: between fifth and eighth grade, I was in silent terror because I saw myself dead. This happened regularly, but I didn't want to tell my mom, she would have had me go to the hospital. By the time the thought first appeared, I had been in a hospital once for fainting. I never wanted to go back (but, I fainted two more times. Funny part: all my MRI scans came out negative.)

Sorry for the rant, I just had to get that out. Every time I try telling people they say "I know how your feeling, I was the same way," or "You have Asperger's, you think the world differently and you should embrace that"

My Aunt wants to be Asperger's becuase she thinks everyone who has it is a genius. I am NOT a genius, I just was curious about a lot of things, like other children.

 

[Jetra]

My mom kept saying I don't have ADD/ADHD until I read her the symptoms from Wikipedia.. Then she agreed I might have 'some' symptoms...

BTW, Wikipedia is a terrible source of information. It should only be used in conjunction with at least three other sites.

 

[Feathers]

lol I know Wikipedia isn't so reliable, sometimes it's a good source of information to google/research then... It was also enough for my doctor to give me some tests for something she had no idea what I was talking about before... (and yup, specialists confirmed the diagnosis, though they didn't find a cause yet - or maybe never will)

Do you have low blood pressure? (I did as a teen, and still do..) Sort of explained the fainting this way.. and from getting scared/upset about something.. (too vivid imagination lol)
I've sometimes wondered if it's because we've lived next to a chemical factory.. it got better when I was out of my teens and lived elsewhere and changed nutrition.. and the chem factory was more regulated and changed production practices too.. (?)

Is your brother older or younger? Well, a simple solution would be to just not talk to your brother about your biz plans or such?

Moving can be stressful, is there no public transport from city to suburbia? (He can still talk via Skype/msn/online?)

We seem a bit similar, I've often said more than I did too, and I've started writing a bunch of books (actually sis was excited) but then haven't finished any yet.. As for the biz, I've thought of starting one too, it's not so easy as some books may make it to be..

Maybe you can find another support group for your biz or writing? Online or RL..

It's good to have people who encourage you ('hares') and those that help you with pointing out any problems/challenges to overcome too ('turtles' in a book)... Hares will help you go faster, turtles are good to 'nitpick' and prevent any problems taking place later.. You do need both though, both cheerleaders and people who help keep things 'doable'..

I've seen people 'go ahead' with bad biz ideas and it didn't go anywhere then.. they could use that time for something more effective.. it's difficult to know when to cheerlead or when to point out 'possible problems' sometimes..

Biz can be started with no employees and no location too (or working from home, you do need peace & space to work from home though)

As for your mom, maybe it could be pre-cognition/intuition? Have you read about ESP?
As for seeing yourself dead, did you see yourself as being of the age you were then (which you've outgrown), or of a later age (eg 80 years old)? Or was it not specified?
Maybe you were scared by the MRI etc. and the thought was a result of being worried about that? No one ever even thought of getting me to MRI for just fainting (?) Maybe it's different for girls and boys though...?

Sometimes dreams or flashes of insight/intuition can tell us things in metaphorical ways too... Like my Grandma dreamt that I was pregnant years ago, and all it meant is I was going through some powerful changes.. (there was no real pregnancy...)

A friend did some 'fortune-telling' from cards once, and she said I'd never finish my degree, cause I'd get pregnant and have a kid. It really scared me at the time, enough to study and pass the exams lol... (And I did finish my degree later, though it did take more time and felt as if I was giving birth to a kid sometimes lol!!)
So, those insights can be 'warnings' sometimes... And mustn't always be taken literally..

Is that what you think your OCD (or whatever it could be) would be about? Seeing (bad) things and worrying they might be true?
Where do the bleeding hands come in though?

PS I do wish for neat organizational skills though!! For me, it's a challenge oftentimes...

 

[Jetra]

lol I know Wikipedia isn't so reliable, sometimes it's a good source of information to google/research then... It was also enough for my doctor to give me some tests for something she had no idea what I was talking about before... (and yup, specialists confirmed the diagnosis, though they didn't find a cause yet - or maybe never will)

Eh...I'm uncomfortable with tests, but I can live through them. I guess my family just are stubborn. My aunt thinks it's Asperger's, but I only have like one or two symptoms, which are also symptoms for OCD. I guess my dad thinks if I get diagnosed, I'd get welfare and I'd move out of the house, leaving him with my brother.

Do you have low blood pressure? (I did as a teen, and still do..) Sort of explained the fainting this way.. and from getting scared/upset about something.. (too vivid imagination lol)
I've sometimes wondered if it's because we've lived next to a chemical factory.. it got better when I was out of my teens and lived elsewhere and changed nutrition.. and the chem factory was more regulated and changed production practices too.. (?)

Sorry, but I have to laugh at this one. My mom couldn't feed me enough. I'm one of those super-metabolism people. I could eat a thousand pounds of food and it'll go right through me. I've had perfect tests every time.

Is your brother older or younger? Well, a simple solution would be to just not talk to your brother about your biz plans or such?

He's older. It's just I get an idea, I rev up by creating plans that are detailed and stretch out years in advance.

Moving can be stressful, is there no public transport from city to suburbia? (He can still talk via Skype/msn/online?)

He has no job, has no ambition to get a job, and we have Metra. As for the IM services, that's all he does all day. He plays (not really plays, but trolls new players) this MUD game called GodWars II from the time he gets up to after I've gone to bed.

We seem a bit similar, I've often said more than I did too, and I've started writing a bunch of books (actually sis was excited) but then haven't finished any yet.. As for the biz, I've thought of starting one too, it's not so easy as some books may make it to be..

I tried self publishing, but that didn't work out too well.

Maybe you can find another support group for your biz or writing? Online or RL..

I could try that, yes.

It's good to have people who encourage you ('hares') and those that help you with pointing out any problems/challenges to overcome too ('turtles' in a book)... Hares will help you go faster, turtles are good to 'nitpick' and prevent any problems taking place later.. You do need both though, both cheerleaders and people who help keep things 'doable'..

My plans are obnoxiously devised with back ups and back ups to those back ups.

I've seen people 'go ahead' with bad biz ideas and it didn't go anywhere then.. they could use that time for something more effective.. it's difficult to know when to cheerlead or when to point out 'possible problems' sometimes..

It's kay, happens to us all

Biz can be started with no employees and no location too (or working from home, you do need peace & space to work from home though)

Thought about that, but it may not work out. I'd like to SEE my employees so I know they are working.

As for your mom, maybe it could be pre-cognition/intuition? Have you read about ESP?
As for seeing yourself dead, did you see yourself as being of the age you were then (which you've outgrown), or of a later age (eg 80 years old)? Or was it not specified?
Maybe you were scared by the MRI etc. and the thought was a result of being worried about that? No one ever even thought of getting me to MRI for just fainting (?) Maybe it's different for girls and boys though...?

I've thought about that, but I really don't believe in ESP...just seems silly. I believe in coincidences.
I was a skeleton.
I had no idea what an MRI machine was until the second time I fainted.
1st time: paramedics came in demonstrating the tourniquet
2nd time: me and my older bro were playing, and he pushed me, resulting in a scar above my right eye. A small piece of my eybrow will never grow back. Must have freaked me out.
3rd time: Reading about very detailed sports injuries

Sometimes dreams or flashes of insight/intuition can tell us things in metaphorical ways too... Like my Grandma dreamt that I was pregnant years ago, and all it meant is I was going through some powerful changes.. (there was no real pregnancy...)

Could happen, I don't believe in them....although I should worry about the recurring Chicago destruction dreams....

A friend did some 'fortune-telling' from cards once, and she said I'd never finish my degree, cause I'd get pregnant and have a kid. It really scared me at the time, enough to study and pass the exams lol... (And I did finish my degree later, though it did take more time and felt as if I was giving birth to a kid sometimes lol!!)
So, those insights can be 'warnings' sometimes... And mustn't always be taken literally..

I know, but nobody believes me.

Is that what you think your OCD (or whatever it could be) would be about? Seeing (bad) things and worrying they might be true?
Where do the bleeding hands come in though?

I may also be germaphobic to a certain degree. I always worry about everything: my dad, the house, my friends, my future, clean clothes, not injuring myself or others, the dogs, and I prefer a very neat house to one that's got garbage everywhere.

Imagine you have a brother who is as messy as the entire football team and a fraternity house combined. He leaves dishes with food in them and they get all messy and harden. He usually does this after I go to bed. He leaves dirty socks everywhere and used kleenex's. I'm usually washing dishes almost 3 or 4 times a day, each taking at leas 30-50 minutes to finish.

PS I do wish for neat organizational skills though!! For me, it's a challenge oftentimes...

It's not hard, just tiring.

 

[Remus]

I....probably should see a shrink?

Yes definately, get a true diagnosis.

 

[Jetra]

Yes definately, get a true diagnosis.

I would go, but I hate going by myself, my brothers and father won't take me, and my aunt will only take me if I admit I have Asperger's.

 

[ZachMusician]

Here's the thing. The truth is, if you become incredibly anxious and have repetitive compulsions, constantly think about one thing, and then think if you don't do this one thing something incredibly bad is going to happen. When you don't do A, B is going to occur and everything will get messed up. So you dwell on why you didn't do A and how stupid you are for not doing A... That's OCD. You should definitely seek psychological help, but if this is your "pattern" it's obsessive compulsive disorder. No question about it. It's lame sauce but there are much, much worse thing that could happen in life.

Stay positive!

Zach

 

[Jetra]

Here's the thing. The truth is, if you become incredibly anxious and have repetitive compulsions, constantly think about one thing, and then think if you don't do this one thing something incredibly bad is going to happen. When you don't do A, B is going to occur and everything will get messed up. So you dwell on why you didn't do A and how stupid you are for not doing A... That's OCD. You should definitely seek psychological help, but if this is your "pattern" it's obsessive compulsive disorder. No question about it. It's lame sauce but there are much, much worse thing that could happen in life.

Stay positive!

Zach

I should. Yes, there are many disadvantages, but the one advantage I like is that I have a focus of a monk and a recall memory of a physics professor.