What if someone likes you... but you don't like them?

[Edith]

I'm a wee bit confused...

I think that this guy who works for my company may LIKE me but I'm not sure. He texts me sometimes and we go out for drinks, and sometimes we hang out or go for a trip or something on the weekend... but I think of us as just `work or travel` buddies. But then we started talking about relationships one night and the girl he described as his `ìdeal girl`had some uncomfortable resemblances to me, and at this bar that he goes to often he was saying about the owner, "I bet she'll come over and ask if you're my girlfriend, because she always sees me in here alone!" Also we are both insomniacs and he was like, "If you ever can't sleep call me and we can hang out" and then later that day after he said that he texted me and said, "Seriously... give me a call if your awake."

All of that would not make me think that he liked me except that my co-worker always seems to bring him up whenever we talk. He says things like, `you know who`s a really nice guy...`or `Jeremy is such a nice guy, he`s so smart and cultured, I think that he is a real catch...`

Then tonight I went for a beer after work with my co-worker and I was jokingly telling him that I would help him find a girlfriend if he helped me find a boyfriend and he said laughing, `Well I know this guy named Jeremy...` and I though that he was maybe joking... but I dont get it - did he talk to Jeremy and know that he likes me, or is he just trying to set us up because he thinks that we would be a good match...

Im sincerely not interested... but Im also not sure if he likes me or not, and now Im dreading some kind of awkward interaction sometime in the future when we hang out....

I know this is long winded and you probably dont care about my lame whining about love... but to my knowledege nobody has ever liked me before and the few times that Ive been out in the last while with guys, Ive been told after that they were dates... I had no idea!

Im sincerely clueless... and I hate that feeling.

 

[coriander1992]

Why don't you just give him a chance anyway? You never know, and all that.

If you really don't want to, then just make sure that you make it very clear to him that you aren't interestd.
Perhaps he's just got the wrong idea, and thinks that you like him.

 

[bleach]

He definitely likes you. Doesn't really matter if he told his friend directly or not, because even your narrative makes it obvious.

Unless he asks you out or something, you shouldn't really have to -do- anything other than act normally. However, I would be careful not to lead him on at all. Maybe you should spend less time with him, if at all possible -- the more time you spend together, the more attached he is likely to get, which is a guarantee that things will become awkward and probably ruin your friendship.

 

[Edith]

Why don't you just give him a chance anyway? You never know, and all that.

If you really don't want to, then just make sure that you make it very clear to him that you aren't interestd.
Perhaps he's just got the wrong idea, and thinks that you like him.

Hmm...maybe. Hes not a bad guy... I have just never been that attracted to him, maybe Ill try to be and see how that works... but I dont know...

Thats another thing... maybe I GAVE him the wrong idea, but how...

if I did, I dont know HOW I did ... all we did was have normal conversations about work and life and stuff...

I guess I worry that because im so loneley that I maybe give off a certain Im available (I hasten to say despearate) vibe, even though I dont mean too.

He definitely likes you. Doesn't really matter if he told his friend directly or not, because even your narrative makes it obvious.

I see... uh oh.

...the more time you spend together, the more attached he is likely to get, which is a guarantee that things will become awkward and probably ruin your friendship.

That would not be good... but I like hanging out with him - how do I hang out with him still and not have it be weird!

Am I being a total bitch here... I dont wanna be a tease and an asshole... Im just a bit socially inept is all... but how do you explain that to someone...!

 

[Carstuar]

Wow, that's so awkward. I can't even begin to imagine. :O

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

FRIENDS

Sounds to me like you just want to be friends. If you are not intrested your not intrested. Simple as that. I would nt fource it even tho it might work out but since you are not intrested now you probaly wont be in the future. I think you said you have known this person for a while; so it should not be too dificult to bring this topic up.

The last thing you want to do is to waste each others time. If he does want to be more than just friends and you tell him you just want to be friends; It will feel akward at first but in the long run it will help everyone becaue he will be able to spend his energy looking for another girl in stead of chaseing after you for months wasteing precious time.

If he gets mad and leaves the friends ship then you know he was not a true friend. If he stays then it could make the friendship stronger becuse you wont have to worry about leading him on since you would of clairafy that things will never get futher than friendsshiip.

 

[Edith]

UPDATE:

Ok so I hadn't seen or heard from in a while, and I kinda thought that I made a big deal out of nothing and that he didn't actually like me... my train of thought was like, "Jesus! How conceited can I be?! Just because he's a guy and he wants to hang out doesn't mean that he WANTS you!" So when he texted me to hang out on Saturday I agreed. Even though his text was "Wanna get drunk and naked?" I assumed that this was a joke... his texts are always strange like that (for the record I replied, "Drinks: yes. Naked: not a chance buddy")

So anyway, we had a few pitchers at this pub and then it closed early so we went downtown and stayed out WAY to late... when we left if was daylight and 6:20 am. In other words: It was definatly time for me to go home. So we got in a cab and while we were inside he tried to kiss me and then invited me back to his place - both of which I declined. Then when we got out of the cab he tried to lean in for a kiss again and I turned it into an awkward goodbye hug and told him I'd see him later.

We hang out a lot in a group from work together, and now I don't want it to be awkward when we all hang out - or awkward when I go to work. I'm planning on playing it cool by sort of pretending that it didn't happen... what do you think, bad idea?

I actually though that I made it kinda clear that I wasn't interested before... but I guess I didn't use the words "Not interested. No way. Never. Just friends" but that didn't seem necessary. Now I feel like a bitch and a terrible person.

I feel so STUPID!! arrrgg...

 

[Diluted_Acid]

Your not attracted to this guy even physically? IMO unless your looking for marriage material, what your attracted to physically can outweigh personality. You sound like you suffer SA to a less extent based on this thread, but i might be assuming wrong. I'm glad you got friends at work and can go out drinking. I've never drrunk, been drunk, or even gone to a pub/club. Then again im 18.

 

[de]

hi edith
from a blokes point of view im not able to pick up on the signals when a girl likes me and usually cant pick them up when she dosnt and it sounds like that guy is the same lol
as awkward a you are feeling though after that night out he is going to be feeling ten times worse, the best thing you can do is to take him to one side and tell it like it is you really like hanging out with him but you only like him as a freind the worst thing you can do is not say anything about it because it will be playing on both of your minds whenever you are together if you can try and make a joke about it somthing like god you were pretty wasted the other night but not in front of people though, just to ease the tension
best of luck

 

[Edith]

I thought I would update this to let people know that even VERY emabrassing situations can turn out to be not as bad as you thought and truly just blow over.

The following week our work had a three day weekend and my plans fell through and so did his... so we ended up going on a trip together for three days and it was loads of fun! There was no awkwardness and we got on just fine. It was like we just needed to get that bit of whatever out of the way so that we could have fun without those kinds of thoughts getting in the way. I feel like we are even better friends now... weird as that may seem.

 

[RedRibbons]

cool. sounds like you got everything sorted out. why don't you date him though? just curious.

 

[Edith]

cool. sounds like you got everything sorted out. why don't you date him though? just curious.

I don't know... it's like he feels more like a brother than a potenitail lover... I've thought of fucking him... but it just seems wrong some how. Its nice to have a male buddy that you can get close with without having to worry about fucking.

So far so good. I like this new "No-Fuck" relationship... quite a lot aqtually.

 

[RedRibbons]

^^ Then keep it that way. You never know when your feelings might change though.

 

[Edith]

^^ Then keep it that way. You never know when your feelings might change though.

Ha! maybe... though lately I've been trying to help him get together with this chick form Seoul that he's kind of into... I like helping people get set up - I hope that in the future they will help meout in kind.

 

[Edith]

Okay... so things are not going so well...

I thought that we were back to being just buddies and I was helping him get together with this other girl. But when I asked how that was going he said that he wanted a girlfriend a little bit closer and then he looked at me all weird... so I made a joke and changed the subject.

Or when we were hanging out at my place with co-wrokers and my neighbour Patrick, they left and texted to say that they got lost... so Patrick and I said they could stay over if they needed to... to which he replied that he'd "Take a raincheck on the sleepover"

Then after that he started sending me text messages that would start with "Hey beautiful" and then after we hung out the other night he texted me when I was in the cab on the way home... I'll relay this bizarre interaction:

HIM: "I feel like I should have kissed you... am I wrong?"
ME: "Yup."
HIM: "hehehe"
HIM: "Wanna get drunk and naked?"
ME: "tsk tsk tsk"
HIM: "When can I cash in my raincheck for that sleepover?"
ME: "Patrick will always let you crash at his place"
HIM: "You're funny"
ME: "Good night"

So the next day I get MORE messages from him about helping him with this project that I can't help him with:

HIM: "So much for inspriatation"
ME: "That's never been my forte"
HIM: "Ur more of a dream killer eh?"
ME: "right... I have a knack for that"
HIM: "By the way... rumor has it were dating"
ME: "Ha! Don't beleive everything you hear"
HIM: "Yup... besides... if we were dating why am I not getting any action?"
ME: "Precisely."
HIM: "I think I should be..."
ME: "right... I think you should look elsewhere for action."
HIM: "Wow... I feel totally dissed"
ME: "yup"
HIM: "Not even a chance? I think I'm gonna cry"
ME: "right... I think youll tough it out."

I kinda wanna punch him in the nuts and tell him to fuck off!! But I still want to be his firend... why can't he just get that I DO NOT WANT TO DATE HIM OR SLEEP WITH HIM!!!! Jesus!! I don't need a reason either.... "I just don't fucking want to!" is my reason, and its a damn good one! I wanna sleep with him about as much as I wanna sleep with my little brother... yuck!

How do I get him to piss off and yet still be friends with him? I this even POSSIBLE!!? I thought it was and I thought I'd done that... and NOW look at where I am!!

ARRRRGGGGGGHHH!!!!
Fuck my fucking life... :evil:

 

[bleach]

Edith,

Told you so...

No, you can't be his friend. You need to stop following the advice of soft-headed optimists on this issue. He is fixated on you and will be for quite a while (several months, probably), even if you do the right thing and break off as much interaction as you can (preferable all contact). It may seem like a cold thing to do, but it's the best and only thing to do at this point. For both of you. Maybe you can be friends again in a few years. That is the most optimistic scenario. Until then, no. Even if he begins dating someone else, he will likely still be holding a torch for you for quite a while.

 

[Edith]

Edith,

Told you so...

No, you can't be his friend. You need to stop following the advice of soft-headed optimists on this issue. He is fixated on you and will be for quite a while (several months, probably), even if you do the right thing and break off as much interaction as you can (preferable all contact). It may seem like a cold thing to do, but it's the best and only thing to do at this point. For both of you. Maybe you can be friends again in a few years. That is the most optimistic scenario. Until then, no. Even if he begins dating someone else, he will likely still be holding a torch for you for quite a while.

Yes. Yes, you did... but i thought there had to be a more civilised way, alas...

That fucking sucks!!! I see him all the time through mutual friends... were like a foursome who hang out and travel together...

I guess I can stop hanging out with him one on one... but if i stopseeing him when I hang out with my friends then I suddenly have no friends. So fuck him, he's not gonna make me lose the only good friends i've had in years... that wouldn't be fair, right?