What does life has in store for me ?

[actarus]

He there,

Sorry for this depressing post, I just need to vent...

Tomorrow (well, in 12 minutes) is my birthday and it should be a happy day right ?

I just don't feel it... I'm 1 year away from my thirties and I just can't see how and when it is going to get better. A few years ago, I had very very few friends and since then, I moved to another part of the country for my job and needless to say, my social life is now a giant blackhole.

I go to work in the morning, come back to my place in the evening and just stay inside. Don't misunderstand me, I like my job and I'm doing well at it, but right now, my life is my work and nothing else.

How can I be 29 and not ever had been in a relationsip, let alone a "fling" ? When I was young and other people "learned" how to make friends and have fun, I don't know what I was doing, but I definitely skipped this learning process and feel that it's kinda too late to learn now. If I'm not able to make new friends, how can I even hope to one day get a girlfriend and have children which I'd like and long to... But I'm slowly getting to the truth that it just won't happen, that when I'll be an old man, if I even get there, I'll just be alone and no one will even care of how I'm doing...

Every single thing makes me uncomfortable. Can't take the elevator with other people, even if it only for less than a minute. Can't stand waiting in a line. I can't even walk without fearing that other people might think I walk funny (I have feet problems, which makes me limp a little) . Small talk is so difficult for me, I just don't know what to say. I'm constantly second guessing myself on things I've said or done and how other people could have perceived it. Going to social events, alone since I don't have any one to ask to go with me, is (was) so uncomfortable that I don't even try to go anymore.

I came to these forums about 8 years ago when things were pretty bad and had some very dark thoughts. Back then, I wouldn't call him a friend, but someone lifted my spirit a little and then came the work and I just what I'd call "survive" one day at a time. Nothing really got better I just stopped caring and today, all those thoughts came rushing back of what am I doing with my life and what can I f*****g do about anyway...

Again, sorry if I've depressed you, this was not my intent. I dont know, the fact that Its my birthday and that I know that save my parents and brothers, no one will even care about it is kinda hard to take. Harder than previous years.

Does it get better or should I just give up ?

 

[guessed]

hi,

sorry you're feeling this way on your birthday. I wish I had some comforting words to help you, but all I can say is that I understand how you feel because I'm going through the same thing.

 

[dead24]

im the same, i used to make friends maybe 1 or 2. At least i was able to make friends but now i just dont know what to do. I just cant think of anything to say. The only way i can make friends now is if they totally accept my quietness and awkwardness, and being able to enjoy my company despite my boringness.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Does it get better or should I just give up ?

Then let me be the first here to wish you a happy birthday.

All I can say is that you're not alone in any of what you're going through. A search on birthday threads should be enough to prove that.

Some people's situation does get better who have these problems; some people seem to stay the same. All you can do is make the effort to improve. Therapy, self-help, whatever.

 

[SilentStranger]

How can I be 29 and not ever had been in a relationsip, let alone a "fling" ?

Mate, I am was/am in the same boat as you, except I am a few years older than you. It sends a shiver down my spine thinking about that little fact about my life. The fact that I have never had a relationship.

Reading you post so many things have parallels in my life. In fact are you my double? Like you I had very few friends where I spent my teen years and then I had to move for work and now I have no one I associate regularly with. Its same here no great improvements that I can think of, especially with the relationships parts, but I guess the biggest thing is I can _just_ survive. So I just survive in hope that things change.

As for birthdays, I never celebrate them. Nobody to celebrate them with. Except for the card I get from siblings & my parents, nobody even knows except for maybe when people at work find out they wish me and ask how I celebrate it. Most b'days I just play games on the computer and sometimes get drunk after talking to my parents... so don't have to think about my 'lot'.

Its a strange life we live isn't it? Sorry if I made you more depressed.

Anyway dude think about it this way, 29,... 30 its just a number. People think it has a significance because we use a decimal numbering system

Also I definitely agree with Nathaniel's post.

Anyway Happy Birthday!

 

[Fighter86]

He there,

Sorry for this depressing post, I just need to vent...

Tomorrow (well, in 12 minutes) is my birthday and it should be a happy day right ?

I just don't feel it... I'm 1 year away from my thirties and I just can't see how and when it is going to get better.

Well, first off, happy birthday, probably not the thing you really want to hear but I thought it'll be nice if someone wished you anyway so I just decided to do it. I'm still a distance away from my 30's but I hardly imagine things changing much even when I reach that age. I've been the same as I was 5 years ago when I joined this forum, that's half a decade, don't see things changing for the better.

I like my job and I'm doing well at it, but right now, my life is my work and nothing else.

I think its lucky you have a job you are good at. I previously had a job that I was good at, but recently, I had a new job, only been 2 weeks on it, but I've pretty much screw up everything I can screw up on the job ::

I came to these forums about 8 years ago when things were pretty bad and had some very dark thoughts. Back then, I wouldn't call him a friend, but someone lifted my spirit a little and then came the work and I just what I'd call "survive" one day at a time. Nothing really got better I just stopped caring and today, all those thoughts came rushing back of what am I doing with my life and what can I f*****g do about anyway...

Same as me now, pretty much surviving a day at a time, on my third job in 4 months since I left the one before where I stayed for slightly more than a year, and looking out for a new job, which would then be my 4th in recent months. On the relationship front nothing either, though a relationship is not what I'm looking into, couldn't handle it you know, have too much on my plate right now, more like a companion would be ideal but haven't found anyone either. And the people that I know just keep upsetting me, great life I have.

Again, sorry if I've depressed you, this was not my intent. I dont know, the fact that Its my birthday and that I know that save my parents and brothers, no one will even care about it is kinda hard to take. Harder than previous years.

Does it get better or should I just give up ?

No one cares about my birthday either, I haven't celebrated it in years with anyone except family. Can't give an exact answer if it would get better or worse for you, but keep up the work with your job, at least it feeds you, keeps you clothed and pays your bills so at least you are doing something right. Hope things turn out better for you.