What do you think about this?

[Skatergirl]

Heya..
I have a problem..
I tried going to school, but in front of the door, i gave up.
I said, NO. i dont wanna go. I only want to go, when i feel good!
And NOW that's my problem. I only want to do things when i feel super happy.
I need to feel confident, and strong before i do things.
And at this time, because of my SA, if eel really worse , and depressed, and i cant enjoy anything.
Also i would like to shop with a friend this weekend, but i feel so anxious and that's why i give up ::
Some people tell me that i should just face my fears.. that its impossible to change my feelings without doing it.. I follow therapy, and i hope that that will change my way of feeling to being happy. But some people tell me i have to face my fears , without doing that, i will not feel better.

What do you guys think?

 

[shybhoy]

i think in theory yes, you do have to face your fears but you do it at your own pace in your own time that takes some of the pressure off...remember only you know that you are facing fears everyone else is going about their daily business thats the thought you need to hold on to also that anxious thoughts are 99.9% irrational they are the extreme of what the worst could ever be i know its not easy and yes its a challenge but its one i am sure you can achieve good luck

 

[Cal]

I think they're right, if you look at the whole picture, life is really about progression. People need to overcome bounderies that prevent them from doing things, otherwise they won't really get anywhere.

This goes for people without SA too, everything is a little scary at first, you know? You've just gotta keep trying, and you'll get used to it. Eventually, you'll have enough confidence to go out even when you're not feeling that great.

I know we're all way more sensative and delicate than the average person, so I'd suggest taking small steps in a situation like this. How you'd go about that is something you'll have to think about though.

 

[Satine]

Well yes, you definitely need to face your fears. We all have to do it periodically, SA or not, otherwise we just end up doing very little.

Trouble is also, I think you can train yourself into doing less and less all the time, insisting that you'll only do things when you feel very happy to do it. And because your comfort zone is shrinking, you feel happy with less and less until you're worried about just about everything that you could possibly do.

Not a good situation. Beat the comfort boundaries back a bit, I reckon.

 

[Lea]

In my case it worked, but as I have aspergers, the way I am, I cannot change it. I can only extend my boundaries to a certain extent, I learned how to travel etc., can go basically anywhere that´s not a problem. But dealing with people without seeming shy, that´s not changeable. At least in my case, but everybody is different.

 

[shybhoy]

In my case it worked, but as I have aspergers, the way I am, I cannot change it. I can only extend my boundaries to a certain extent, I learned how to travel etc., can go basically anywhere that´s not a problem. But dealing with people without seeming shy, that´s not changeable. At least in my case, but everybody is different.

good reply !

 

[CoyoteX]

I think it's an illusion to wait till you 'feel right', because you may be waiting a lifetime if that's the case. I've used this logic with myself many of times before, it's really more of a crutch than a valid reason to avoid certain situations I've found. Usually when you do the thing you're scared of, that's when your confidence boosts. So I would say if you change your thinking about the situation before hand, then just do it (without too great of expectations for yourself, ie.. everything has to 'go perfect') I think you'd surprised at how well you handled it

 

[Redzer]

yep face them head on, or you will spent your life running away and what use is that to you now.

 

[SnowWolf]

My therapist and doc keep telling me that I have to get out almost every day even if it's just for a walk, because avoiding every social situation I can will make things worse not better. Logically I know they're right but it's so hard to make myself believe that - I can't see myself ever being able to cope with Uni when even just one day is so mentally taxing that I want to crawl into a hole and die. Nevermind three years of feeling that way.

 

[JCS008]

I think the best way to get over your fears is to confront them. It's tough and will be very uncomfortable and scary, but I think its the best solution. Any other thing is just prolonging the inevitable and it'll almost be like digging yourself into a hole. It may be very tough at first, but I always go in with the mentality that little progress is better than no progress. And failure is better than avoiding.

 

[stand_up]

The hard part is facing your fears,.... but you could always try and make it easy. Here are some things I can think of....
1. Choose the place you want to venture.
2. Choose the people or person you may want to accompany you.
3. Wear your favourite piece of clothing that makes you feel good and comfortable.
4. Listen to a song that motivates/encourages you, or meaningful to you before going out, or while you are out.
5. Remember you have nothing to lose, you are a real nice person.