Opaline
1
When there are triggers for my anxiety present, I find it very difficult to talk to people at all. They are very specific triggers, if they aren't present I can be fine.
When people respond negatively to my anxiety then I have to fight a fear to avoid those places and people. I avoid shops, service stations, chemists were I am known. I fight harder not to avoid the social situations involved with activities that I have a passion for. However, when people notice my anxiety and become, angry and annoyed by it, then my enjoyment is destroyed, and I look for excuses not to return.
I watch people react to my anxiety like a detach observer. You've noticed my anxiety, I will think, there is a change in their behaviour towards me. You've been talking about me haven't you. The thing I dislike about my anxiety is I am very intelligent, and it detracts from that. Sometimes people talk about me like I am not present, and have no intelligence whatsoever. I lose respect for the people who react to my anxiety like that.
And even though I told everyone about my anxiety, and explained what it is, many seem to see it as something worse, and that really hurt and damages me.
I'm sorry.
I know what you mean about being intelligent but people viewing you as unintelligent because of this disorder. It happens to me too sometimes, and my mother gets it all the time.