"I was completely normal (i.e. extroverted, happy, gregarious, well-liked) up until the time I started getting bullied and ostracized in the third grade. Then I became a social outcast for the rest of my school years and that had a profound impact on the way I turned out. Two of my siblings were treated the same way I was, and they became miserable, lonely introverts. There were other "geeks" I went to school with who were socially excluded, and now these guys are all life-long incels with low-paying jobs and few friends."
No, no no. You read me all wrong. None of this is your fault, please understand this wasn't what I was getting at.
Look. Maybe it's just perspective and outlook, but I see it this way - Life has plenty of obstacles. Why? I don't know. All I know is that I've seen people who were bullied a bunch, or mistreated as children grow up, forget the past and move on with their life. And I sincerely congratulate them, because it's not an easy thing to do. But again, it's not your fault. I've been picked on in the past (not real badly, but i've been shoved and punched and whatnot), but I'm not going to blame a bully for the way I feel about myself. That's all I'm trying to say here.
"Thank you so much for making your "blame the victim" blanket statement for those of us who had to put up with "bullies, abusive parents and dicks for siblings." I don't know how people who say things like: "I feel others and life in general have all been really good to me" can even go on to develop this condition. You didn't have to put up with the social exclusion and relentless bullying shit, but you're qualified to tell me that none of that stuff had anything to do with my self-esteem being completely destroyed. You're basically saying that I started to hate myself for no reason - these negative thoughts just popped into my head one day. Yeah, right.
So, the socially anxious losers who fall behind and never catch up just have poor character. That's good to know."
You're seeing this entirely different than I had written it out. It's not about blaming those victimized, it's about accepting the responsibility of improving your life. Let's be realistic here. Weather it's your fault or somebody else's for the way you turned out, you're on your own from this point on. So why go off and blame everybody else? Chances are, you had insecurities all along. The bully, or that abusive parent was just the catalyst that brought out the demons in you.
Also, my life's not perfect. Nobody has a perfect life. I've been heckled by people (I guess you could consider it bullying), told to shut up every day of my life as a child by my parents (though we get along fine now), and even got into it with my siblings. And often got the impression they really never liked me. So considering all that, I could say "Boo hoo, they made me insecure" but this is not the case. Maybe I was too young to know what insecurity was then, but I don't care. I know what it is now and I'm determined that you, I, and everybody here can reverse the damage done. But if you don't want to, that's fine too. Whatever makes you happy, right?
All in all, no, it's not your fault. It's not my fault. However, it's my responsibility to just accept the past, forgive whoever it was that crushed my self worth and wrap my arms around that very person. Want to know why? Because that form of insecurity, and ability to hurt me personally, needs more love and more compassion than even I do. You cannot outlive your shyness with a heart full of animosity. I promise you that.
