Well, I tried to go to a rave...ALONE

[hybridmoments6]

After debating for a long time, I decided to go to a rave tonight...ALONE!! The idea terrified me but I also had alot of anxiety about being home alone since my boyfriend is out of town and I love electronica music so I thought I would try to work up the courage to go. So i tried to get my brother and another friend to go with me to this club but neither of them could or they didnt want to. I did know one guy there but only saw him once or twice to try and get ecstasy from him (I know, drugs are bad and I am honestly afriad of taking them but the last couple times I did it it really did make me so much less anxious around people) Anyway, so I show up to this warehouse like club not really knowing what to expect..I was wearing a dress you might wear to another type of club but not a rave :/ so I feel like I looked really weird compared to all these kids in glow bracelets and fluffy boots. I just stood around feeling really awkward, trying not to get in the way of people dancing. I felt like my heart was going to explode and my stomach started hurting really bad just thinking "what am i doing here? I dont fit in at all, im not dancing or feeling free, im not even on drugs, AHhh" I managed to talk to two complete strangers. One who approached me, asked me my name, if i was looking for drugs and then asked me "why i was dressed so nice". I didn't know what to say to that :/ The other meager social interaction that got me down was when i was standing near these really hyped up kids who were dancing and looked like they were on some intense drugs, they came up to me and started dancing like they were expecting me to join in with them and I just stood there until one guy looked at me with his huge pupils and said "Why are you dancing so awkwardly, get in here and dance!!" and I just shrugged and probably blushed. I'm not sure what i did exactly...I'm not much for dancing in public especially when im alone in a group of strangers Sigh. I'm sure he was just trying to be encouraging but it made my heart drop. I must have looked so stupid and awkward. So I ended up buying some drugs and leaving really early....The end. I just felt like ranting.

 

[fitftw]

funny, any kind of illegal substance makes it nearly impossible for me to function around other human beings without freaking out.

I don't think the Texas rave scene knows what it's doing, but the NYC scene has its stuff together. I've gone to many raves by myself. I don't do drugs anymore, but I only did them at a rave once or twice. I prefer dancing and feeling the music while I'm sober.

Sucks you didn't enjoy yourself. Raves aren't for everybody.

 

[hybridmoments6]

That's interesting. Most drugs make it hard to me to function too, but x has been the one drug that lessened anxiety for me. I've been to a few other raves that I did enjoy because i actually knew people there and went with someone...don't think I'll ever go alone again, that's my biggest problem :x Oh, and New york raves must be pretty sweet wouldn't doubt that they're better than in Tx.