way of thinking? social situations..

[Anonymous]

Hey guys. This is a problem that has been plaguing me for quite some time. I have SA really badly and when I am in a social situation which is rarely, I shut down, and when I am talking to the person I will just say the first thing that comes to mind. Is this normal, or in the back of my mind should I be playing out the situation and deciding what to say next, like it's all pre-arranged??

I am in college and have roomates.. I notice they talk really fast and I feel like I talk slow and stupidly compared to them. Do they just say the first thing that pops into their mind, and if they don't, how the heck can they think so fast as to say the right thing all the time? As you can see, I'm plagued by this....

I just wish I could know what everyone else was thinking so I would know that I'm not so different... I'm so nervous, I have a class tomorrow where we have to do teamwork.. I'll try not to shutdown but I am so worried about being rejected.

 

[yoyodood]

I find its not a good idea to plan what you want to say before you say it. You might end up spending too much time thinking of what to say, and then when you say it, and you dont get the appreciative results from other people that you were expecting, well that just might throw you back further.

I understand what your saying about your roomates talking so fast. Would you agree that they all flow together pretty well socially? I have the same issue, where people tend to just say so many things, and they arent wrong, they are just socializing perfectly, and it makes me incredibly jealous, but all i do is say a few dumb things or nothing at all.

 

[Anonymous]

how the heck can they think so fast as to say the right thing all the time? As you can see, I'm plagued by this....

same problem here - i think their minds are focused on the conversation whereas your mind is focused on your anxiety and whether or not your fitting it and acting normal

i have found that around a select few people with whom i feel comfortable, the conversatons flow pretty well because my mind is not constantly worrying about how i'm performing or if the person i'm talking to thinks i'm a asshole, but instead is wrapped up in the topics of conversation - in these situations i probably do blurt out a hefty pile of crap but i don't care because i'm with my friend and they don't reject me for it - they blurt out just as much crap

don't know what the solution is though because i'm just like you around everyone else

 

[Anonymous]

yeah that is the problem. I focus so much on whether i'm fitting in or not that I dont fit in, lol.

 

[Anonymous]

I know exactly what you mean when you said you just "shut down" and thinking, "Am I saying the right thing", when talking to someone. Been there (well actually I'm still there).

I agree w/ the 'Guest' Guest. Try not to worry about how you're coming across but rather try to focus on the situation at hand. If you're talking to someone about homework or a class, concentrate on that, or if you just met someone concentrate on getting to know them and them getting to know you better. It's easier said than done but it just takes practice.

Really focus your attention on whatever it is you're doing whether it be homework, reading, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, exercising, listeing to music, everything. Just concentarte on what you're doing and try to enjoy it no matter how menial it may seem.

When you focus on the task at hand you won't worry so much about doing or saying the 'right' thing.

I hope this helps. Lots of luck to you!

 

[Crimefish]

My shrink told me to count my breathing when I'm in any situation that causes anxiety. Breathe in for 7 and out for 11. This calms you down and stops you thinking too much. Simple but effective.