Wasting my life?

[da_illest101]

I started getting back on track 23, now i'm 25. I keep thinking that i'm pathetic, I have been in college since i'm 19 and hopefully I'll finish next year. Most people in my class are way younger than me, There is one girl that is 24, but she already finished university, she just come back for more

 

[O'Killian]

Eh, it might not look like much, but every little bit counts. Incremental changes are easier than jumping in all at once, so I think you've got the right idea, Valhalla.

 

[Valhalla]

I guess so. And if you got no money, no real social life, living in a small town etc. there isn't that much you can do. Right now I'm more or less waiting for autumn when there's actually going to happen something bigger.

 

[Valhalla]

That's harsh. College/university is already on the schedule. It's not necessarily my "occupation" I've been feeling worried about (Although it's in there), but rather things in larger perspectives. Thanks for opening up though, I wont fall in the same trap.

 

[O'Killian]

Someone upthread mentioned we're all still young, which is a phrase I see thrown around that's always irritated me. It's been a long time since I've felt like other folks my age, and in some ways, I'm not sure I ever want to.

That said, the sentiment behind the phrase is absolutely right, but I think it would be better stated as you still have time. And that's all any of us have regardless of how far in the past our birthday is. I bring this up because what Troubled said struck a chord - our timelines aren't dissimilar, I graduated high school ninth in my class, and I've done precious little in the past four years.

I doubt the similarities extend far beyond that, but I really feel I should tell you to take your own advice. I don't mean to be cruel and I don't know your situation, but like I said, all we have is time. It can be hard to overcome the inertia of our lives, but if you don't start somewhere nothing's going to change.

 

[SilentBird]

If it said or that I think I am wasting my life, that is a judgment. I'm doing the best that I can.

 

[Valhalla]

O'Killian

Sorry if I'm bumping this thread too much.

Yes, agreed, there's still plenty of time. The purpose of this thread was more of a ventilation of my thoughts and see if there were others like me out there, rather then asking for any ABC-kind of advice.

There's lot of things I can do for myself, but as I have experienced and know the very moment I'm writing this; there are limits. When I'm jumping onboard the education train, then there's something going on. I'm focusing much on the present, and the past. How I've been spending time, and how lonely I feel.

As I'm closing up on a special age, I realize that I'm leaving something behind me that was supposed to be more rich of memories, or better spent. It's like I've been sick from loneliness for a long time, sometimes worse - sometimes better, but not until know do I realize what the "sickness" has cost me, and how sick I really am. I hope I'm not offending anyone witht that example, I just want to make my point clear.

Within a few months, I may very well have new friends. Or at least other things to be concerned about. But I don't know that yet. Right now I can only stand by the sideline and see how everything is happening without me.

Maybe others here read my one "wasted" year, and think I'm the living-at-home-slob-who-doesn't-do-anything-useful and want me to skip down to the unemployment office or jump back in the school bench.

Sure, I guess I fit in in some aspects of that slob description, but It's not really about that. I'm concerned about aging, and that I'm leaving behind so many things undone. Not living my current age to it's full extent before duties starts to adjust my life, because this is supposed to be that age when you're care-free and having "fun". I wont have anything real to look back on when I'm much older then my current age. No story to share.

I don't know if I'm making myself clear. I'm feeling very frustrated and hopeless.

 

[tombstoneswildflowers]

Wow, I'm surprised to find someone else who is in almost exactly the same boat as me. I graduated a year ago, am turning 20 in four months, live at home, and I'm not doing anything substantial with my life.
I started college last fall semester without any ambition or direction whatsoever--I only went in the first place because I was expected to--and dropped out after that first semester, telling my parents I'd get a job instead. A few months went by, and the day I finally got a job offer from one of the few places I applied to (which I found amazing, given my horrible, nervous, shaky job interview), I was asked to move out of the house I was living in with a few friends. So, having nowhere else to go, I had to move back in with my parents, and because of crippling anxiety over starting anything new or meeting new people, haven't applied for a job, or anything, in the last three months I've lived here again. Instead I've been smoking (not cigarettes.. don't judge : at night and trying to make art that I could possibly sell online for money, and trying to better myself physically, but my parents are unwilling to understand or put up with my **** and just want me to DO something. I feel useless, hopeless, and every other bad adjective...

Today I drove by my old high school and saw the rows of folding chairs set up for this year's graduation on the football field... and god did I feel like ****.

Anyway, I hope you feel better in knowing there are others who feel just as stuck. :/

 

[O'Killian]

Sorry if I'm bumping this thread too much.

Your thread, your rules I'd say.

That said I'm not sure if I made it completely clear I was addressing the user Troubled with that post. You've made it abundantly clear that you know there's time and such. I'm not trying to be too preachy about it if it came off that way.

You've made yourself very clear, or at the very least I can understand how you feel. I suppose I'm on the other side of that age gap - if I hadn't screwed everything up, I'd either be in graduate school or trying to convince an employer I've got a degree that means something. As it stands I am (hopefully) going back to my sophomore year of college.

I can say I regret that a lot of my four years was wasted, but I don't think I'll really miss being 'young'. I'm not sure that's exactly what you were getting at, but I don't think that being young is nearly as special as it's made out to be. It's just that most folks had important experiences then and can see it through a rosy filter of nostalgia.

Call it late-blooming or whatever, but I think there's something to be said for moving forward with a better idea of who one is and with a slightly older/more mature head on one's shoulders.

I know it's a lot easier for me to say than for you to feel it, but it is what it is. All you can do now is make up for lost time, which you seem to be at least attempting to do. Getting too morose about a past you can't change is only going to hinder that.

Hope my rambling helps or at least doesn't hurt, heh.

 

[Valhalla]

Don't stop your ramblings O'Killian, there can never be lesser wisdom.

Well, the thing is you grew up every year during childhood wishing you were older, so you could become more independent and start choosing your own things. You did your school years because you had too. And the free time was usually spent resting up for the next day of everything all over again.

My regrets are stretching over both personal decisions, as well as economical and social ones. The economical outcome is something you have no control over, so I'm just shrugging over that. The social outcome however is a little more in your grasp. You can't make friends and connections out of nothing, and it's not like you're choosing to be frozen out of such gatherings.

So then we have the smaller, personal decisions. Like the lack of professions. Why didn't I try to draw more? Learn an instrument, even just a half-baked knowledge? Why didn't I learn more things to do at the computer? What the hell did I do really?

My problem is the lack to have nostalgia, I have some things, I can admit that. But it's missing pieces overall. And I'm thinking how much foundation you really built for the new life you're about to step into? Can a big, untalented bore find other's (that) like him, or will every new social contact end with they slowly backing off from this timewaster and giggle frantically as he pulls back to his two room lair and bury his head in artifical worlds? Well, even if I do enjoy being alone, I would much like to have an option, I've already stated that but want to make it clear I'm not dropping dead just because someone isn't near me.

I've even been so bad at spending time I never really got into music (Of course I was listening to it, but need I face some artist or band everyone knows I might very well just look like a minor nuclear accident occured in my brain).

The skelenton's struggling to jump out of this itchy and lazy body to experience new things, but worried about what the limitations are that the body might or might not have set up. It's the 20-year old-something you hear about in 80's Rock songs, we might not all be stars some day, but can't I at least have someone be impressed by something I do? Is doodling on a paper and slapping it to the wall too much to ask? The rantings goes on and on!

And a thanks to tombstoneswildflowers for sharing your story with us. I guess I'm not the only one bumping into old my High School during walks.

 

[MrSunday]

Hi,

It depends on how you view your life. What does it mean to have a wasteful life? There is no standard as to how to spend your life in a productive manner. Whatever you achieve in this world will not last forever. When you die, you will leave all this behind. I try to convince myself that as long as I eat and sleep, I have a life.

 

[stardog]

Similar boat here except I'm 24, I want to start living a bit more but it's hard to accept where my life is right now. It's like there's a 16 year old in me wondering what happened for the last 8 years :: largely wasted (though not all of it) through depression/anxiety, avoiding stuff and copious internet usage.

I look at other people socializing and feel I have nothing whatsoever in common with them, at the same tie though I do want to have a social life while I'm still kind of young, date and all that stuff. But I'm so far behind :/

 

[MrSunday]

I look at other people socializing and feel I have nothing whatsoever in common with them, at the same tie though I do want to have a social life while I'm still kind of young, date and all that stuff. But I'm so far behind :/

Hi,

Who cares about what other people are doing. Be proud your different. I hate social events. >_> I prefer my own company.

 

[O'Killian]

Well, I'm glad somebody gets something out of what I post, heh. All I've really got to say this time, though, is that if you're worried for the future, well, in my experience it's never nearly so bad as I worry it'll be. And with regards to finding other folks who'll like you, well, I think people will surprise you, if you try.

Hi,

It depends on how you view your life. What does it mean to have a wasteful life? There is no standard as to how to spend your life in a productive manner. Whatever you achieve in this world will not last forever. When you die, you will leave all this behind. I try to convince myself that as long as I eat and sleep, I have a life.

I'm pretty sure if you can look back and say you wasted your life, that's the only standard that matters. Living how you want to live is a fine sentiment, but eating, sleeping, and little else isn't much of a life at all (and I can tell you that because that's about what the past several years have been for me). You may feel this way now, but check back in four years. From experience, I can say you may want to slap yourself.

And insofar as things not lasting forever and leaving it all behind when you die - that's the whole point. My lifestyle sure as hell isn't sustainable, and I'd like to make however much time I've got left before I die doesn't suck quite as much as the time that came before.