Wanting to be super-faithful...and fearing contamination

[Thankyer]

Warning...this topic mentions things of a sexual nature (but I won't go into too much detail).

I'm very much in love with a wonderful man and wanting to be as faithful to him as anyone could possibly be.

I'm afraid of men on the street or on the bus touching me even accidentally, so I avoid them.

Before I met the man of my dreams, I had had a fling with a sleazy guy who took advantage of me.

Today, I found the phone that I used back in those days. I just wanted to have a look at the mp3 files on it. I remembered that the jerk's number might still be on there, but I was planning on deleting it if I saw it.

But after I touched it, I became really anxious because I remembered something....

It was well over a year ago (maybe two years...I can't remember), but on the day that I did sexual things with that guy, I used my phone afterward to call a friend. I touched the phone after I'd touched his...you know. I know it was a long time ago...and if there was any trace of anything from him, it probably would have been rubbed off with my hands in the times that I used the phone since then. I'm not even sure I used the same hand to use the phone...but I might have.

I ask myself "Why didn't you think of that before you touched it?" But I had anxious thoughts along the lines of, "maybe the thought had occurred to you, but you dismissed it because you didn't think it would matter."

I don't think I really thought of that before...I think I was more concerned about the fact that his phone number was on there.

Anyway, I was worried about whether it was unfaithful to touch that phone when it might have traces of his DNA or something.

I know the guy didn't come in my hand on that first day and i don't think he did the other time, either...so MAYBE the most it might be is just sweat from that area...but I'm not sure I remember all the details.

I think I might have even cleaned the phone since then, but I might not have.

I feel stupid for not thinking of this stuff before I picked the phone up.

How can I get over this?

I know I used the phone since that time, so my hand probably would have wiped the traces of, if there were any. Not to mention, the purse that I was using at the time...which I don't even use anymore and might have even thrown out.

But I don't know for sure.

I told my boyfriend and he doesn't see it as unfaithful and he is very understanding. I just want to make sure I'm treating him right and being a good girlfriend.


I'm sorry if some of the stuff in this post seems like TMI.

 

[we_r_eternal]

reading this post i honestly thought it was a joke... im still not sure.. but if you are indeed serious, your worrying way too much about nothing.. id guess your really, really, young by the tone of the writing...

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

First off, welcome to the forum!


The first thing I thought of when I read your thread was:
I don't think you have to worry about wanting to be 'super faithful' because really... there is only faithful and not faithful.
Being faithful to your partner is mainly about communication with them - and being able to restrain yourself from doing anything that may be 'unfaithful'.

People consider different things to be crossing the line into unfaithful.
Some people pay consider kissing a member of the opposite sex on the cheek as cheating - whereas other people may think that is perfectly acceptable.
The boundary exists based on the confidence level of the relationship.
Are you confident in your relationship?
Confident in your boyfriend?
Confident in yourself?
Touching a phone that might possibly have some fragment of him on it and worrying that it meant you were cheating is kind of silly...
First of all-- it was 1-2 years ago.
And secondly, a phone is not a person. Touching your phone - your property; does not equal touching some guy's private parts.

I can absolutely assure you that touching a phone that once had a guy's phone number in it IS NOT being unfaithful.
Any guy who would say it is- is controlling and probably extremely jealous and toxic. (do not get into a relationship with that type of man)
Your boyfriend didn't mind, right?
But you were worried about it and told him straight away?
I think you may want to seek out some counseling over your last relationship if it still bothers you... otherwise, sooner or later it will affect your current relationship in the worst ways.

 

[kilojoule]

oh bless you, you poor thing, you've been obsessing over this. We all obsess over silly things sometimes and to us they're not silly. I'm sensing you felt pretty violated by this guy. I think sometimes talking can help and time makes things a lot clearer and easier to manage as we distance ourselves. A lot of people who've had bad experiences feel guilt and blame themselves and this can come out in strange ways. Not all these situations are black and white and sometimes ppl can be pressured into things they dont really want and then feel guilt.It sounds like your guilt is looking for an outlet. So you feel guilty that you may have been unfaithful. You haven't been unfaithful and that guilt you feel needs to be addressed, it sounds to me that it's not guilt about that-it sounds like maybe you're mind is trying to rationalise why you feel guilty. I think maybe some counselling would be a good idea, that and a bit of time.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Hi, It sounds like you might have OCD maybe... and some PTSD.
I really hope you talk to someone about these intense feelings. take care now.

 

[da_illest101]

reading this post i honestly thought it was a joke... im still not sure.. but if you are indeed serious, your worrying way too much about nothing.. id guess your really, really, young by the tone of the writing...

I actually thought the same thing

on topic, it's not unfaithful, not even close, it's like me saying i'm going to my room but only look at a picture of my room on my computer.

 

[Thankyer]

Thank you for your responses. I definitely have OCD...I've been diagnosed, and I have all sorts of symptoms.