Joolin
Well-known member
First off, I think it is a good indicator of why I'm here that this is the third time I've rewritten this introduction post. It is that same obsessive self-criticism that keeps me from doing just about anything. I want to call a friend but before I can I immediately think of every reason possible why I shouldn't. I want to apply for a job, but somehow all I can think of is every way I will be humiliated if I do. Everything ultimately ties back to how I'm going to end up making an ass of myself no matter what I do. The thing is, it's not entirely irrational either. I have years and years worth of memories of making an ass of myself to help justify my fears. Everytime I decide not to do something, I just default back to my computer to sit and wait for nothing in particular - to find something entertaining to distract my mind from attacking itself, to slowly dumb myself down into apathy.
Second off, my name isn't Joolin, it's Patrick. Joolin is just one of those crazy things I come up with when I'm stoned. Of course I regret using that name on this site, and I'd probably change it everytime I logged on if the site would let me. I guess it's better that I can't, as freedom can be a prison for the chronically indecisive.
Third off, if you have read this far, you are an amazing person and you have the patience of a monk. Having patience is the only way I can imagine getting out of a hole like this. We are all blind to the light at the end of the tunnel but we have to keep walking and hold on to that scrap of optimism - that there is a light - to make it through to the end.
Second off, my name isn't Joolin, it's Patrick. Joolin is just one of those crazy things I come up with when I'm stoned. Of course I regret using that name on this site, and I'd probably change it everytime I logged on if the site would let me. I guess it's better that I can't, as freedom can be a prison for the chronically indecisive.
Third off, if you have read this far, you are an amazing person and you have the patience of a monk. Having patience is the only way I can imagine getting out of a hole like this. We are all blind to the light at the end of the tunnel but we have to keep walking and hold on to that scrap of optimism - that there is a light - to make it through to the end.
Can deffo relate,hope you keep posting.
