victim of society

[fuzzylogic]

where i live sexual expression is condemned (I get laughed at and shunned by people at school, and parents think I'm sick and evil and tell me god will send me to hell). Yet at the same time if there is no sexual expression there is also condemnation (you get called fag and people laugh and treat you inferior and don't take a word you say seriously, they just laugh and mock). Yet I'm also being told by others that I'm a loser and a freak (because I'm quiet and shy) and ugly and dopey (I've got a rubbery face that distorts really easily into unco-looking) and they say no one likes me and they say that no girl will ever like me because I'm a stupid f'ing this and that and the same abuse occurs because I am not involved in any relationship. Yes, even girls at school who said I was "cute" and "hot" would suddenly turn on me for no apparent reason. I am frigging sick and tired of this crap. from people. Oh yes, these people will frigging pay.

I am backed up in a corner being rejected for wanting sexual expression but also rejected for not doing it. So here I am with nothing left to do except lash out. Yeah I am repressed I may as well be living in 19th century Vienna. Anyone know what to do and I don't know how much more rejection I can take.

 

[Anomaly]

That's the paradox of labels.

 

[Whychosis]

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[diesel]

what exactly are you wanting to express ?

 

[EasySkanking]

Yeah, how old are you mate? You say that you'e still in school. If you're in highschool, things change (from my experience) when you enter the adult world.

If it helps, I think you're 100% right

And - YOU have a more beautiful soul than any of those people that make fun of you could ever have - this is something rare and beautiful.... you should use that to make yourself feel better

 

[fuzzylogic]

I am in my mid twenties. I made a mistake and used the present tense. Sorry. I will try again.

Nothing has changed since I left school. People are still scum. They're like vultures, feeding on the humiliation and rejection of others.

I wanted sex in high school and when I was younger but everybody just laughed at me and said I was sick and a weirdo. And my friends loved to humiliate me for it by quickly revealing outloud to everyone about any girl I liked. They didn't care, they knew it would embarrass me so that's why they did it.

I had the bible jammed down my throat and all that was read were parts about sex and how EVIL it is. Just look at the Catholic church now. Full of dirty pedophiles.

Society portrayed sex as great and tempting but in reality they disapproved of me wanting what they tempted me with it. They were just teasing.

I was punished for looking at porn by my parents, but at other times my father would encourage it and wanted me to show him it.

So my current thinking is that everyone, or at least most others, are free to do sex, to talk about sex, to want sex - everyone except me. Because no one told them anything was bad. And how does that make me feel ? I am extremely bitter and jealous for this and burning up with hatred. How dare people mistreat me and then use the resulting behavioural outcome as an excuse for more mistreatment. How dare they withdraw their acceptance of my chosen behaviour and lifestyle. How dare they tempt me with sex but then attack me for wanting it.

I have turned my back relationships, socializing and sex all because of this. I really enjoy the look of "wtf" WHY ? when I explain I have no plans to lose my virginity and have never kissed anyone. Stuff people.

I was a total loser at school in the eyes of most people - even by those girls who wanted to go out with me. I know they felt ashamed to be attracted to me. I was called all sorts of things and even people in my own family tried to destroy all my self-esteem - and it worked very good. MY brother's favourate line was "what, HIM!" whenever my parents said something like "let your brother come along too", like I was just a worthless piece of crap. Congratufukinglations arseholes.

Now I am a complete outcast and it really shows in my withdrawn behaviour. All my hard work of trying to overcome social anxiety has been for nothing because at the end of the day people will choose to embarrass and isolate the person that doesn't have the same values, wants and aspirations as them. So nothing works except not caring about anyone.

Now I am being humiliated and embarrassed by people because of my neurotic repression and distaste for sex. People think I'm a fag, a weirdo, a psychopath, a hermit. You name it. Anything to make me feel like an outcast. I know their reason is to just humiliate me because they wouldn't do it to someone they genuinely liked - they would support them and say "don't worry". I've seen this happen. Once my parents get angry with me, they even use this against me. And what's their motivation ? To embarrass and humilate. To ruin my self-esteem - which is still dependent upon them.

 

[Anomaly]

So my current thinking is that everyone, or at least most others, are free to do sex, to talk about sex, to want sex - everyone except me. Because no one told them anything was bad. And how does that make me feel ? I am extremely bitter and jealous for this and burning up with hatred. How dare people mistreat me and then use the resulting behavioural outcome as an excuse for more mistreatment. How dare they withdraw their acceptance of my chosen behaviour and lifestyle. How dare they tempt me with sex but then attack me for wanting it.

This makes me chuckle, only because of how well it is described by conflict theory which I learned of when I took a sociology class. The class in power (your friends) tends to create labels as a means of control. By virtue of their power, your friends can easily deflect labels and apply labels to those who aren't in power (someone in your position).

I mentioned the label paradox in my earlier post -- I'll expand on that. The same exact action, idea, etc. is given a label whereby its perception is changed without the actual action, idea, etc. being changed. Thus, sex is still sex whether it's you or your friends doing the action but in the context of labels, the same exact action is made distinct. Sex cannot have the perceived property of being both moral and immoral at the same time, but with the help of labels, smoke, and mirrors, sex can be sex' and sex". While I'm aware that nuances can be brought up, for reasons of expediency I treat sex in instance 1 as exactly the same as in instance 2, etc.

 

[Dronee]

To ruin my self-esteem - which is still dependent upon them.

I think that's the real issue. Not sex or anything else. Some people, many people... they'll abuse you if you depend on them. If you base your self-esteem on what others say or think, some of them will turn it against you.

And many others will follow the group mentality and join in on the abuse. I'm sorry to hear you're being treated so badly... hope it gets better for you somehow.