Very scared of introducing boyfriend to family...

[sucettes]

Hello! I've had social anxiety since I was 13 years old, I'm (soon) 19 now. I don't really know how to write this and it might sound weird, I'm hoping that I'm not the only one who's feeling like this because I really need some good advice. I live with my mum, dad and brother, but the rest of my family lives in another country. We have always visited them regularly like in the Summer, Christmas, etc. But this time I'm bringing my boyfriend with me. It's the first time I'm bringing someone and it's the first serious relationship I've ever had. I'm terrified and I feel so nervous. My family has always been quite judgmental and I guess that I'm scared of what they will think of him. And I don't like that everyone will have their eyes on me and that I will have all the attention because I have my boyfriend with me. I hate being judged. My boyfriend speaks English and some in my family doesn't know the language too well (I'm from Scandinavia). I'm afraid it will be awkward and stand there like some stupid translator. I'm also very scared of blushing and I hate when people comment on it. I guess I'm scared if someone will say something negative about him to me, that there will be awkward moments where no one knows what to say or do and I'm terrified if I'm gonna blush. I'm not embarrassed of my boyfriend in any way, but I'm used to people judging me and I don't like being looked at. I hate to introduce him to people because I think it's awkward. I also feel kinda "trapped" in these situations, it feels like I'm the one who needs to let the conversation going because I'm the one who's introducing them (especially when he speaks English and the other person doesn't always understand). My biggest fear is that I will just randomly blush or have a panic attack and then people will ask if I'm okay or why I'm acting so weird. This is really bugging me. It probably sound weird, and I guess most people doesn't have this problem - maybe it's just me. I just want to hear about other people's experiences and if someone feels the same way as me.

I remember the first time I took my boyfriend home. When we sat at the dinner table eating, I was blushing like hell. My dad said "...What is it?! you're VERY red in your face!" I had no idea what to say to that and that made the situation even worse. I'm scared it will happen again, I don't want anyone to see me like that, not even my family, nor my boyfriend... So yes, I am even anxious when I'm with my family in some situations, how stupid is that... I hope all this made sense.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I can imagine what it's like to feel really worried about what your family is going to think about your boyfriend. I haven't ever had anything that serious but I have dated a couple guys and sometimes I think if I ever took him to meet my family that lives in another state, I would be afraid of how they would judge him and judge me.

Things hardly ever go as bad as we imagine them in our heads. You are an awesome person and you love your boyfriend. If you love your boyfriend then he must be a really awesome guy too. So you have nothing to worry about when it comes to introducing them to your family. Even if they do judge him remember that in the long run their opinion doesn't really matter. What's important is that you like him.

Also, I think it's really awesome that you know more than one language and you can be a translator. Don't be embarrassed about that. I know that's easier said than done though.

Maybe if you feel yourself getting a little bit overwhelmed you can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Go in there, splash some water on your face and take a few minutes to breathe and let yourself relax again.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

If you feel yourself getting nervous and blushing, try to make a joke about it. Cracking a joke about embarrassing situations always helps me.
Good luck

 

[sucettes]

I can imagine what it's like to feel really worried about what your family is going to think about your boyfriend. I haven't ever had anything that serious but I have dated a couple guys and sometimes I think if I ever took him to meet my family that lives in another state, I would be afraid of how they would judge him and judge me.

Things hardly ever go as bad as we imagine them in our heads. You are an awesome person and you love your boyfriend. If you love your boyfriend then he must be a really awesome guy too. So you have nothing to worry about when it comes to introducing them to your family. Even if they do judge him remember that in the long run their opinion doesn't really matter. What's important is that you like him.

Also, I think it's really awesome that you know more than one language and you can be a translator. Don't be embarrassed about that. I know that's easier said than done though.

Maybe if you feel yourself getting a little bit overwhelmed you can excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Go in there, splash some water on your face and take a few minutes to breathe and let yourself relax again.

Oh, thank you so much for the reply! I was starting to think that everyone here thought I was weird for feeling like this, lol. It's easier said than done, but I feel happy that I shared this because just to let it out might take the pressure off, at least a little bit. And the replies has a positive impact too. I like your idea about going to the bathroom. We'll see how it goes...

If you feel yourself getting nervous and blushing, try to make a joke about it. Cracking a joke about embarrassing situations always helps me.
Good luck

How could I make a joke about that?

I think that would be very hard for me, because blushing to me, is like the end of the world. I know that it sounds ridiculous but I hate it so much and it just make me feel awful. But I'm glad for any advice and thank you so much for the reply!

 

[maiato]

No it isn't at all! That kind of situation is kind of stressfull. Not just for you. But to your bf, to your parents to all. That's kind of normal. Imagine another person in your some seat. They always get anxious. Maybe cause ppl always need to feel approve fome others. So just leave that pression behind. Imagine the worst think that can happen? If it's blush, so be it! It will go away in a second. And no one will remember more. Dont try to think to much. Just act normally. I dont know if u already went on vacation. Hope is not to soon. If is just give us a feedback of it was. Good luck there!

 

[sucettes]

No it isn't at all! That kind of situation is kind of stressfull. Not just for you. But to your bf, to your parents to all. That's kind of normal. Imagine another person in your some seat. They always get anxious. Maybe cause ppl always need to feel approve fome others. So just leave that pression behind. Imagine the worst think that can happen? If it's blush, so be it! It will go away in a second. And no one will remember more. Dont try to think to much. Just act normally. I dont know if u already went on vacation. Hope is not to soon. If is just give us a feedback of it was. Good luck there!

Thank you for replying here

I have been on vacation now yes. It went better than I expected and I'm quite proud of myself. I did feel nervous at times but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be so that's good. I still haven't met them all though and I don't know when we will go on vacation next. Again, thanks everyone for support. You have no idea how worried I was about this. But it's better now, thanks!