Falkor
1
Hello there,
So my ex-therapist told me, that she thought I am perceived as ''the patient.''
I have always been painfully shy in the past, I was an extreme outsider as a kid, I couldn't go to school because I was too terrified of letting mummy leave without me, I was too afraid of the teachers when they screamed, I was afraid of eating their food so I took my own, I was afraid of playing in the playgarden so stood alone, cuz I was afraid of the kids..
Umm, so what I'm trying to say is, my mom and dad took me to a clinic and they diagnosed autism.. I have been raised up with a LOT of understandment, don't get me wrong please... Though I think they have always treated me too ''Careful'' , they just let me stay at home, when I needed it.. I always was screaming in the car when my mom brought me to birthday parties when I was little, and I said I couldn't get out of the car, and she got extremely pissed at me and yelled at me and then she brought me home.
I really wonder if I used to have Social Anxiety my whole life ??
I DON'T think this is autism... At all.
I wonder why I got diagnosed with it.
So, what I'm tryin to say, is, my parents always perceived me as a patient, a rare seldom kid with a lot of fears, ppl have a lot of respect for me, my teachers from the past still send me messages now and then, that they are so proud that the ''little crying kid in the corner laying on the ground (literally)'' is now a big girl, they can't understand that i can sing now and perform, they can't understand that I travel by train, by bus, because I would literally tell them I'd die in the past and still 2 years ago, I would cry when I would had to visit a store to buy milk, a therapist once dragged me to it, and I cried my heart out.
Though now I'm soooo much going forward. I'm at school again, I CAN go shopping without problems, I travel like I said, though I've been like this girl for a loooong long time. So, how can I just proof my parents and everyone that i'm not that patient anymore?
I still am upset now and then and then they remind me of the person who i was, the victim on the road, i get very mad when they remind me, because i want to look forward.... (!)
Though SA is still a big monstrious trigger in my life.. that doesn't make the school path easy.. and the things around it.. but I know I can improve. I literally have proven myself and others because I was dealing with Streetfear... Didn't get out of the house and now I'm even travelling for 5 hours a weekend... I don't care! Wanna see the world!
So, yeah, why do people still perceive me like that? I know, I still have mood swings, that I am crying my heart out, for that i'm in my twenties and mist so much things in life... and lost so much contacts (friends) and am still so anxious around ppl (yup still am.. not cured or something still dealing with SA like so much >_<) so yeah, what should I do??
So my ex-therapist told me, that she thought I am perceived as ''the patient.''
I have always been painfully shy in the past, I was an extreme outsider as a kid, I couldn't go to school because I was too terrified of letting mummy leave without me, I was too afraid of the teachers when they screamed, I was afraid of eating their food so I took my own, I was afraid of playing in the playgarden so stood alone, cuz I was afraid of the kids..
Umm, so what I'm trying to say is, my mom and dad took me to a clinic and they diagnosed autism.. I have been raised up with a LOT of understandment, don't get me wrong please... Though I think they have always treated me too ''Careful'' , they just let me stay at home, when I needed it.. I always was screaming in the car when my mom brought me to birthday parties when I was little, and I said I couldn't get out of the car, and she got extremely pissed at me and yelled at me and then she brought me home.
I really wonder if I used to have Social Anxiety my whole life ??
I DON'T think this is autism... At all.
I wonder why I got diagnosed with it.
So, what I'm tryin to say, is, my parents always perceived me as a patient, a rare seldom kid with a lot of fears, ppl have a lot of respect for me, my teachers from the past still send me messages now and then, that they are so proud that the ''little crying kid in the corner laying on the ground (literally)'' is now a big girl, they can't understand that i can sing now and perform, they can't understand that I travel by train, by bus, because I would literally tell them I'd die in the past and still 2 years ago, I would cry when I would had to visit a store to buy milk, a therapist once dragged me to it, and I cried my heart out.
Though now I'm soooo much going forward. I'm at school again, I CAN go shopping without problems, I travel like I said, though I've been like this girl for a loooong long time. So, how can I just proof my parents and everyone that i'm not that patient anymore?
I still am upset now and then and then they remind me of the person who i was, the victim on the road, i get very mad when they remind me, because i want to look forward.... (!)
Though SA is still a big monstrious trigger in my life.. that doesn't make the school path easy.. and the things around it.. but I know I can improve. I literally have proven myself and others because I was dealing with Streetfear... Didn't get out of the house and now I'm even travelling for 5 hours a weekend... I don't care! Wanna see the world!
So, yeah, why do people still perceive me like that? I know, I still have mood swings, that I am crying my heart out, for that i'm in my twenties and mist so much things in life... and lost so much contacts (friends) and am still so anxious around ppl (yup still am.. not cured or something still dealing with SA like so much >_<) so yeah, what should I do??
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