urgent: questions about dating..

[lurknomore]

If you become friends it might be more awkward for the both of you if she says no, or if things don't work out, but then it would also be easier for her to get to know you and vice versa so the first date would be less intense. But I think that you have to get to know her a little bit before you ask her out. I know I get a bit weirded out when men I don't know start hitting on me. Well, that's my humble opinion. Don't take it too seriously, this is coming from someone who's never been on a date in her life

I haven't had much experience being "asked out" either, but I would say at least get to know the girl casually before trying to get her one on one. Some people have mentioned the "friend zone"- and it may not be easy to tell when the right time is, but I would ask her out before you get to the point of being "best friends"- because a girl would find it hard to think romantically after this point (like dating your brother lol) and then if you did get things to a romantic point and it didn't work out, it would be hard to go back to the friend stage.

 

[Argamemnon]

I haven't had much experience being "asked out" either, but I would say at least get to know the girl casually before trying to get her one on one. Some people have mentioned the "friend zone"- and it may not be easy to tell when the right time is, but I would ask her out before you get to the point of being "best friends"- because a girl would find it hard to think romantically after this point (like dating your brother lol) and then if you did get things to a romantic point and it didn't work out, it would be hard to go back to the friend stage.

Oh no! So the friend zone theory is true after all?

 

[j_brown2]

whatever.

girls can judge me though just because I am inexperienced.

ROFL you crack me up man, if a girl judges me to be inexperienced, well it's not possible, I do everything so convincing that a girl will never say something like this, if she would I would start laughing hard and keep playing with her

You need to relax look at the bright side of life,

 

[no1]

Oh no! So the friend zone theory is true after all?

it does make sense that if a romantic relationship doesn't work out then being friends might be hard to come back to.

Honestly though I think relationships with friends is just done out of fear, whether or not it could actually work out.

 

[lurknomore]

Oh no! So the friend zone theory is true after all?

Actually, I'm not sure. I think maybe some guys end up in a "friend zone" with certain girls because maybe the girl thinks he's not what she's looking for in a romantic partner, but likes him as a friend, so she doesn't pursue the guy- i.e. flirting, dropping hints, trying to get the guy alone, etc.

 

[j_brown2]

The biggest and only mistake you can do is show fear or be acting inexperienced... never let yourself be affected by anything a girls says to you and your good, think about it a girl just told you your so inexperienced ugh and you started panicking and blushing or whatever girl will be so turned off, if you keep playing cool and start laughing like she just said the funniest thing it's gonna be so different, the girl is gonna think she just said something weird and think your some type of mysterious confident guy or whatever

What are you afraid of happening? A girl can't do shit to you if you don't let her,
Or you think other people around you are not self conscious or doubt themselves, if you gonna laugh the girl will get self conscious you will see, other people are not some super genious people who know everything about you

Confidence is important, but it's so easy to fake confidence, just be convincing about everything you do, noone can do shit to you, for every situation there is a way to be confident... even if a girl just told you your inexperienced... it's really simple

Never let yourself be affected by what other people say, the thing with this is people dislike
People who are unsure of themselves and like people who do their own thing no matter what other people think of it. Master that which is pretty simple and your good, stop doubting yourself for no ****ing reason

 

[j_brown2]

ROFL to this thread.... I think Iam free of social phobia, reading no1 post just cracks me up.... "Should I date her before I get to know her or after made my day" lol.... To tell you the truth I never had a gf before haha, just baby stuff like holding hands and kissing

**** it Iam out

 

[Argamemnon]

The biggest and only mistake you can do is show fear or be acting inexperienced... never let yourself be affected by anything a girls says to you and your good, think about it a girl just told you your so inexperienced ugh and you started panicking and blushing or whatever girl will be so turned off, if you keep playing cool and start laughing like she just said the funniest thing it's gonna be so different, the girl is gonna think she just said something weird and think your some type of mysterious confident guy or whatever

What are you afraid of happening? A girl can't do shit to you if you don't let her,
Or you think other people around you are not self conscious or doubt themselves, if you gonna laugh the girl will get self conscious you will see, other people are not some super genious people who know everything about you

Confidence is important, but it's so easy to fake confidence, just be convincing about everything you do, noone can do shit to you, for every situation there is a way to be confident... even if a girl just told you your inexperienced... it's really simple

Never let yourself be affected by what other people say, the thing with this is people dislike
People who are unsure of themselves and like people who do their own thing no matter what other people think of it. Master that which is pretty simple and your good, stop doubting yourself for no ****ing reason

I'm sorry, but I really don't believe that confidence can be faked, temporarily maybe. On days I feel like sh*t (most days ), I can't fake confidence no matter how hard I try. Today, I was at a temp agency and the girl there said that I was nervous and talked too fast. I noticed too, but just could not stop my anxiety, and I couldn't slow down my speech. Imagine me asking a girl out when talking like that I seriously come across as mentally retarded sometimes, I'm positive...

 

[j_brown2]

Practice it doesnt happen over night, start small...

 

[j_brown2]

I'm sorry, but I really don't believe that confidence can be faked, temporarily maybe. On days I feel like sh*t (most days ), I can't fake confidence no matter how hard I try. Today, I was at a temp agency and the girl there said that I was nervous and talked too fast. I noticed too, but just could not stop my anxiety, and I couldn't slow down my speech. Imagine me asking a girl out when talking like that I seriously come across as mentally retarded sometimes, I'm positive...

To be honest I guess Iam a gifted actor lol. Iam not going over to a girl and think shit I need to be confident now and try to act NO. Completely different I put on a character/identity before I live the house and Iam locked into this character all the time...it's all automatic,my usual thoughts are out of the way and I just think and feel like the character Iam playing. Really good stuff when I go out to the beach or wherever I usually act like a psycho, take leaves from trees and smell them in front of people... it makes me loose any inhibition in a moment or breath deeply around people lol it all starts to become fun then

 

[dpr]

I would rather not say the word "date" and just say "We should hang out sometime." It's less formal, and it's not so all-or-nothing. It's not like you just dropped a big question on her and are now waiting for her to answer. It's more of a statement. And she can agree or disagree. And hopefully she'll agree!

If you are interested in her and you have conversations, you could just say it right after she says something, or after you two share a laugh, or before you're about to leave. Like, "Well I gotta go, I'm late for <whatever>..." and then (as if the thought just popped into your head)... "We should hang out sometime." Then if she says yes, just be like "What's your number?"

I don't like "formal dates," like the old "dinner and a movie." That seems weird to me, though I know a lot of people are probably into that.

And no, I have never (nor would I ever) go up to a stranger and ask the person out on a date. That would be weird to me also.

Don't worry about some guy snatching her up. Just make yourself not worry. I know it's easier said than done, but you don't want to be all clingy and scare her off. Just tell yourself there are plenty of girls, and if she lets some other guy snatch her up then she wasn't right for you anyway. Sounds cliche, but I really believe that.

 

[dpr]

I've done the hanging out thing. Ppl tell me though that if you just hung out, and not make it apparent that it's a "date" kind of thing, or if you fall in the "friend zone" you are screwed. Because girls don't usually want to do anything with friends.

Yeah but all girls are different. Some are on constant "boyfriend patrol" and whenever they are single they want a guy STAT.

But others (and I personally think most girls) want to get to know a guy (i.e. hang out, go for coffee, chill at home) before being taken out to dinner and a movie or a club or something.

And that friend zone thing makes no sense. It's some weird myth or something. If a girl is attracted to you and enjoys your company, she is not going to decide against being boyfriend & girlfriend because you "hang out too much." And if she is like that, that's pretty psycho IMO.