urgent: questions about dating..

[no1]

here's the thing that gets me confused. I thought the point of dating is, to show her that you are interested in her. ie you take her out on a date because you are interested in her. Do you ask her "hey can I take you out on a date?" or do you just say "can I take you out?" Would there be a difference in how she interprets us going out... ie she could just think of us as being friends going out and staying that way, or what?

My other question is When do you ask her out on a date? Just before you can become friends, or after you have already become somewhat close and become friends? or do you ask her right away at first glance (because you like the way she appears ie physical and non physical appearances and would like to get to know her)?

also I may feel as if I want to rush into things because of my lack of inexperience, as well as for the fact that I don't want to take too long because she can be taken by another guy right under my nose. How do I get past this without seeming like I want to rush things?

 

[SalemEdgerton1]

The two times I've asked a girl out I've just said something like, "Would you like to have dinner/lunch sometime?" You don't really even have to specifically say can I take you out. I think that'll become somewhat implied as you guys spend more and more time together...at least that's how I figure.

Both times I've asked her out after I'd gotten to know her (one of them I'd known for years). I think you better your chances if you already know some about the girl. Makes it easier to know if she'll say yes or not.

I'm guilty of rushing things too. Think that was partially to blame for why neither worked out, along with the shyness shpiel. You just have to tell yourself to slow down and trust in your attractiveness. She wouldn't bother dating you if she really wasn't interested. I think if you slowly take time to really get to know her, things will start clicking and will work. Some girls might be turned off by the inexperience, but if you show a willingness to learn and get better at it, I think girls really find that attractive. Best of luck with it man!

 

[no1]

I have also the concern that maybe if I wait too long she would think I am uninterested. But really I just dont want to complicate things, or scare her or whatever.

 

[j_brown2]

Omg you are really insecure about everything... Do it all just the way you like, the way it seems right to you bro, I know this seem like complete shit advice, but what you are stressing about is really no big deal

 

[no1]

Do you get to know her while you guys are dating? or before you guys start dating?

Like whats the point of dating in the first place if you 2 already know enough about each other.. isn't the point of dating to get to know each other?

 

[TheNewZero]

Good questions. Unfortunately I have no idea. I think that by asking her to do anything with you one on one it's going to be implied that it's a 'date'. At least that's what happens on TV lol. I don't really think it matters when you ask her out, it just depends on what you're most comfortable with. If you become friends it might be more awkward for the both of you if she says no, or if things don't work out, but then it would also be easier for her to get to know you and vice versa so the first date would be less intense. But I think that you have to get to know her a little bit before you ask her out. I know I get a bit weirded out when men I don't know start hitting on me. Well, that's my humble opinion. Don't take it too seriously, this is coming from someone who's never been on a date in her life

 

[j_brown2]

Do you get to know her while you guys are dating? or before you guys start dating?

Like whats the point of dating in the first place if you 2 already know enough about each other.. isn't the point of dating to get to know each other?

ROFL, you crack me up... total insecurity, it doesn't really matter if you know her or not, you still go on a date and try to get closer

 

[no1]

are you kidding me? I'm tired of having the girl always being taken under my nose. I'm asking for feedback. There's nothing wrong with that. "oh I have insecurity" that's why I'm f*ckin asking before I f*ck things up.

 

[SickJoke]

Do you get to know her while you guys are dating? or before you guys start dating?

Like whats the point of dating in the first place if you 2 already know enough about each other.. isn't the point of dating to get to know each other?

I wouldn't even mention dating. Just ask her to hang out. Better yet, have plans to do something interesting by yourself, and ask if she wants to come along.

So you might say something like this, "I'm going to do X, you should come along it'll be fun "

edit: I didn't mean X as in ecstasy I meant X as in, anything you would normally do (go shopping, to a museum, to a park, or whatever)

 

[no1]

I'm asking because the times I've tried to take things further I was either always too late or too early, or neither, just wasn't interested.

 

[no1]

I wouldn't even mention dating. Just ask her to hang out. Better yet, have plans to do something interesting by yourself, and ask if she wants to come along.

So you might say something like this, "I'm going to do X, you should come along it'll be fun "

edit: I didn't mean X as in ecstasy I meant X as in, anything you would normally do (go shopping, to a museum, to a park, or whatever)

yea great way to make it seem non serious.. as if that is always needed. it could also fall under deception.

I'm the type of person that I don't like to do much by myself.

Shopping? wtf why would I have to ask a girl to go shopping with me? That's like.. wow... she'd also have to have quite a lot of free time to do shopping with me. WHy bring her along that's my sh*t? I thought only girls ask each other out to do shopping.

 

[j_brown2]

are you kidding me? I'm tired of having the girl always being taken under my nose. I'm asking for feedback. There's nothing wrong with that. "oh I have insecurity" that's why I'm f*ckin asking before I f*ck things up.

there's nothing wrong right, but your problem is the insecurity, with questions like this in here I can see why girls are taken away under your nose lol... You have to stop doubting yourself so much and just do what you feel is right, to all the questions you asked in here either way would be the right way to do it

 

[SickJoke]

yea great way to make it seem non serious.. as if that is always needed. it could also fall under deception.

Man, oh man, why must everything be deception and manipulation with you? This way, you're spending time together, getting to know each other, without the awkwardness of a first date.

Shopping? wtf why would I have to ask a girl to go shopping with me? That's like.. wow... she'd also have to have quite a lot of free time to do shopping with me. WHy bring her along that's my sh*t?

It could be anything. As long as you're spending time together.

 

[no1]

sickjoke you're telling me honesty never works.

Honesty is different from negativity I hope you know. you can just not say anything about the negativity in your life but be honest about positive things.

 

[SickJoke]

sickjoke you're telling me honesty never works.

Uhh, where did I say that? WTF

 

[no1]

I've done the hanging out thing. Ppl tell me though that if you just hung out, and not make it apparent that it's a "date" kind of thing, or if you fall in the "friend zone" you are screwed. Because girls don't usually want to do anything with friends.

 

[j_brown2]

Oh I see the problem you don't trust yourself so your asking guys on here what to do, guys who have been there and done that, so you can feel confident about yourself if you do the same thing as them... that's just wrong on so many levels, you got to do what you want, what you think is right, not what a guy did with another girl, you will never be happy like that

 

[no1]

whatever.

girls can judge me though just because I am inexperienced.

 

[SickJoke]

I've done the hanging out thing. Ppl tell me though that if you just hung out, and not make it apparent that it's a "date" kind of thing, or if you fall in the "friend zone" you are screwed. Because girls don't usually want to do anything with friends.

So you make it fun, joke around, tease and flirt, and she'll either be attracted to you or she won't. Saying "This is a date" won't make her any more attracted to her than otherwise.

 

[j_brown2]

Man I think you need to go on a date with a girl you don't care about much and just let yourself be, do whatever you please, do everything you thought is wrong to be doinv while dating, if you feel like it's the right time to make out, make out... just do what you like, there is no doing WRONG, that does not exist, if she likes it good, if not who cares you had your fun anyway, life is good man