Cold_Outside
Member
DOn't be racist, BeloveDaunt. I am racial and it's hurting my feelings.
Urgent help needed!
- Thread starter BelovedAunt
- Start date
Helyna
Well-known member
"racial"? What???Cold_Outside said:
I think BelovedAunt has made it clear that SHE IS NOT RACIST. I also thought she sounded bigoted when she said that, but I didn't comment because I knew what the real problem was. Don't foreign accents make us all more nervous? It just didn't come out right.
I know how you feel, BelovedAunt. I have also written a few things on the internet that got me into trouble, and it made me feel sick to my stomach.
Cold_Outside
Member
Are you laughing at my race?
Dave_McFadden
Well-known member
BelovedAunt said:
Don't worry about accusations, just post your letter here anyway. I suspect that your being uncomfortable on the phone with this or that type of person is more a symptom than a cause.
Satine
Well-known member
Olive branch
BA, I think you need to go back and re-read some of the replies here. I criticized your actions, not your identity. I certainly haven't called you racist. What I said was that your statement that it's a bad idea to answer the phone in case it's one of those foreign types sounds racist. Sounds racist, BA. Doesn't mean you are. It just means that something you're saying comes across that way. It might well be that you're not racist, but there's a difference between what one person says and what another person hears. And if others are hearing a particular remark from you then it doesn't matter one jot whether you intended to be racist or not - that's what others interpreted and that's what they'll judge you on. I'm afraid it's the same for all of us - it's not some focussed attack against you.
If you worded your original post that way by accident then fair enough - just say so and that'll be that. I've worded things badly before msyelf - we all do it. And as you've just discovered, it's not intentional. I didn't intend to insult you by saying your post came across as racist any more than you intended to insult me by saying that you don't like phone calls from foreigners. Neither of us intended to offend the other.
I don't think that pointing this out requires an apology - I made an observation and it was intended to be helpful, not hurtful. I have suffered with social anxiety myself in the past and know how it feels, so I wouldn't say anything here I didn't feel was helpful. But if you're going to start being all hurt because somebody points out that you're not entirely absolved of responsibility in this situation, I do think you need to get a stronger grip of yourself - I and others here have only said what we genuinely feel to be true.
Did you get to the part afterwards where I agreed with you that speaking to somebody with broken English can be tricky? Again, I'm offering support here, not trying to upset you. But I'm not going to sugar-coat everything I say. That would mean the message wouldn't get through. Believe me, I've done that before.
I'll say at this point that this place is for helping people and I, and several others here, have done so to the best of their ability. But to say that you're scarred because a few people have dared to suggest that you're not just 'poor little blameless BelovedAunt' is a touch over the top - what harm can we do here? Speaking only for myself, I have been honest with you and nothing more.
On that note I will say that I've lately found a few posters on here to be rather insensitive, and have looked for a moderator on here to speak to about it. I've found it impossible to get in contact with any mod or admin at all; I think that a more visible heirarchy structure would work well on this forum. Anyway, back to the matter at hand...
I will repeat that I don't feel my remarks need an apology. Your statement to your young, impressionable niece that you won't answer the phone in case a foreigner is on the other end comes across as (although may not be) racist, and has the potential to be misunderstood by said niece as being a warning that foreigners are inherently dangerous. That is what I came to say originally and I stand by it.
To round off this post I'll say that I look forward to reading the letter you said you wanted to post and I sincerely hope that the aforementioned letter will be the key to getting back in contact with your niece.
BelovedAunt said:
BA, I think you need to go back and re-read some of the replies here. I criticized your actions, not your identity. I certainly haven't called you racist. What I said was that your statement that it's a bad idea to answer the phone in case it's one of those foreign types sounds racist. Sounds racist, BA. Doesn't mean you are. It just means that something you're saying comes across that way. It might well be that you're not racist, but there's a difference between what one person says and what another person hears. And if others are hearing a particular remark from you then it doesn't matter one jot whether you intended to be racist or not - that's what others interpreted and that's what they'll judge you on. I'm afraid it's the same for all of us - it's not some focussed attack against you.
If you worded your original post that way by accident then fair enough - just say so and that'll be that. I've worded things badly before msyelf - we all do it. And as you've just discovered, it's not intentional. I didn't intend to insult you by saying your post came across as racist any more than you intended to insult me by saying that you don't like phone calls from foreigners. Neither of us intended to offend the other.
I don't think that pointing this out requires an apology - I made an observation and it was intended to be helpful, not hurtful. I have suffered with social anxiety myself in the past and know how it feels, so I wouldn't say anything here I didn't feel was helpful. But if you're going to start being all hurt because somebody points out that you're not entirely absolved of responsibility in this situation, I do think you need to get a stronger grip of yourself - I and others here have only said what we genuinely feel to be true.
Did you get to the part afterwards where I agreed with you that speaking to somebody with broken English can be tricky? Again, I'm offering support here, not trying to upset you. But I'm not going to sugar-coat everything I say. That would mean the message wouldn't get through. Believe me, I've done that before.
I'll say at this point that this place is for helping people and I, and several others here, have done so to the best of their ability. But to say that you're scarred because a few people have dared to suggest that you're not just 'poor little blameless BelovedAunt' is a touch over the top - what harm can we do here? Speaking only for myself, I have been honest with you and nothing more.
On that note I will say that I've lately found a few posters on here to be rather insensitive, and have looked for a moderator on here to speak to about it. I've found it impossible to get in contact with any mod or admin at all; I think that a more visible heirarchy structure would work well on this forum. Anyway, back to the matter at hand...
I will repeat that I don't feel my remarks need an apology. Your statement to your young, impressionable niece that you won't answer the phone in case a foreigner is on the other end comes across as (although may not be) racist, and has the potential to be misunderstood by said niece as being a warning that foreigners are inherently dangerous. That is what I came to say originally and I stand by it.
To round off this post I'll say that I look forward to reading the letter you said you wanted to post and I sincerely hope that the aforementioned letter will be the key to getting back in contact with your niece.