nope1
Well-known member
Well, I didn't consult this site since may I think because I wanted to focus on getting better rather than just talking about negative thoughts.
So these couple of months, I've been to the University's library, almost everyday, to study for work on my courses from Adult High school in order to enter university (I already have my diploma, it's just I need the credit to enter Uni)
The thing is, My mother and sister went on a vacation to visit their family. At first, it was weird being alone (my father works until the night), I had to cook for myself... clean up the house...
But the more I did it, the more I liked it! I liked being independent.
But it was hard days but it's like I was finally pushing myself to come out from my shell and just be in the world. The friends I visited told me I seemed more happy.
But then... my mother and sister returned. I was happy that they came but... it's just that I've been trying to get better and my sister just takes a lot of space. She's TOTALLY the opposite from myself. She talks to anybody, isn't afraid to speak her mind... She's EXTREMELY outgoing. During the first weeks... I tried to just be myself... the way I handled myself before vacation. But the more the time passed, the more I couldn't support my sister. It's like I'm jealous or something.
I don't want her to meet my friends because it's like I'm not strong enough to compete with her.
It's like since she came, It's a competition for me. I haven't been relaxed a single day at home. It's a freaken competition. And these days, I just feel exhausted.
And I couldn't concentrate on my courses as well as I wanted. And now, my sister will probably go to university at the same time as me and I don't want that.
I know these thoughts appear babish... but that's how I feel. It's like all the effort I made to get better are gone down the toilet!
It's like Social Phobia lets you always in toes during social situations... not able to just relax and enjoy the moment...
Anybody have an advice on how I can "fix" this jealousy with my sister?
Thanks to anyone who read my whole post!
it's just... I wanted to let this out from my chest.
So these couple of months, I've been to the University's library, almost everyday, to study for work on my courses from Adult High school in order to enter university (I already have my diploma, it's just I need the credit to enter Uni)
The thing is, My mother and sister went on a vacation to visit their family. At first, it was weird being alone (my father works until the night), I had to cook for myself... clean up the house...
But the more I did it, the more I liked it! I liked being independent.
But it was hard days but it's like I was finally pushing myself to come out from my shell and just be in the world. The friends I visited told me I seemed more happy.
But then... my mother and sister returned. I was happy that they came but... it's just that I've been trying to get better and my sister just takes a lot of space. She's TOTALLY the opposite from myself. She talks to anybody, isn't afraid to speak her mind... She's EXTREMELY outgoing. During the first weeks... I tried to just be myself... the way I handled myself before vacation. But the more the time passed, the more I couldn't support my sister. It's like I'm jealous or something.
I don't want her to meet my friends because it's like I'm not strong enough to compete with her.
It's like since she came, It's a competition for me. I haven't been relaxed a single day at home. It's a freaken competition. And these days, I just feel exhausted.
And I couldn't concentrate on my courses as well as I wanted. And now, my sister will probably go to university at the same time as me and I don't want that.
I know these thoughts appear babish... but that's how I feel. It's like all the effort I made to get better are gone down the toilet!
It's like Social Phobia lets you always in toes during social situations... not able to just relax and enjoy the moment...
Anybody have an advice on how I can "fix" this jealousy with my sister?
Thanks to anyone who read my whole post!
it's just... I wanted to let this out from my chest.