Its really hard to stay kind to ourselves. I was just thinking would I treat anyone else as badly as I treat myself? Never. Id never put others down the way I do myself.
I experience the exact opposite in that, if I’m not careful, I’m WAY too easy on myself, which probably has a lot to do with my overdeveloped capacity to rationalize my past/present/future actions. As a budding adolescent, I never noticed it, which resulted in me BSing everybody [including myself] about EVERYTHING. However, I’m NOW a lot more self-aware, which allows me to stop bullsh!tting myself [and others] at least SOME of the time. It still happens, though, just not nearly as much. In another life, I probably would’ve been an excellent defense attorney… Yep.
Its a constant mental battle with SA and depression.
I can barely tolerate going anywhere with people. Just the POSSIBILITY of others judging any aspect of me is extremely irritating . . . which makes social interaction [despite having above average social skills], a tortuous affair. This is because I know constant evaluation
IS occurring. It’s what humans do. It’s intrinsic to our being. Hell, it’s a basic survival strategy. However, none of this knowledge makes social interaction any easier for me, which is incredibly frustrating…
Concerning depression, the fluoxetine reduces the intensity/specificity of my suicidal ideation. However, the “emptiness” and consequent lack of motivation are not at all addressed, which further results in almost constant torment.
