oddOne
Active member
I agree with alot of the responses on here mentioning self-esteem and the "support" network.
Miss Meek's post is exactly true... no one else cares about us, we are not special. Social anxiety I feel is a battle of staying balanced amongst the facts and the fear.
I had better self-esteem last year when I finally made a heap of friends/acquantances and felt at ease with myself. Then certain events unfolded and bit by bit they dropped off and left me with perhaps 2 friends I see on the odd occasion and a rather :/ home life.
Depression is back, yay, has been for 12 months or so. This is when my social anxiety thrives. Before, I truly believed it was gone forever. Because I was happy I guess. I had this support network and I had myself, supporting me, the most important thing.
Hypersensitivity to others is another fantastic benefit of anxiety, especially the social variety. I enter this zone of paranoia when I go out often, I get that psyched the World seems like a dangerous and surreal place... doing anything to avoid eye-contact, thinking EVERYONE notices your unease and complete fear.
Mind you, last night I had a great time shopping with my sister... because I was happy and having fun and there was no room for fear. It's a ****ing rollercoaster. It really does come back to yourself and your own happiness level/sense of esteem.
Your experience is eerily similar to what I deal with daily . . . that rollercoaster of soul-crushing [general] anxiety along with maddening depression . . . that periodically gives way to moments of "normality" (being able to function) . . . but almost never is there joy.
Feeling . . . something . . . besides the aforementioned . . . when it happens, I'm almost always shocked; that can't be good...