206Raider
Well-known member
Stuck in the past.... I think I damn near fell in love with a girl when I was on here frequently and I loved this place but now all I have is painful memories of what could have been if I had said the things I needed to say and not left. Basically I drove to the fork in the road and went straight, and I'm lost. Alone and I don't like it, but I have a hard enough time trusting somebody so I stay alone. I had a million friends awhile ago but becuase of panic attacks and ocd I have gradually lost them all and I'm only 22 and have been socially anxious since I was 8. The panic attacks went away for a couple years but recently came back and I finally went on anti-depressents becuase the obsessions and stuff were horrible and I wanted to die becuase I thought it was gone. I've been chronically depressed my whole life too while only having brief bouts of happiness.
Basically I want to live my life but I feel broken, I'm my own worst enemy and this was the place I went to to find solitude becuase I love helping ya'll and ya'll help me but now the memories of her come back here when I visit and I almost break down everytime. I don't know what to do I'm increasing becoming avoidant of everything up til I get to the point where I'm gonna be overly anxious to take the trash out. I know I probably sound crazy saying all this stuff but I just hold a lot of it in and everyone acts like I'm fine becuase I fake my happiness good, I figure nobody wants to hear my woe is me bullshyt cause I'm at war with myself. Basically I just want a someone to talk to again, tired of being by myself and I don't only talk about a bunch of my problems and stuff lol, I'm just dying of boredom so anybody can hit me up :
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Basically I want to live my life but I feel broken, I'm my own worst enemy and this was the place I went to to find solitude becuase I love helping ya'll and ya'll help me but now the memories of her come back here when I visit and I almost break down everytime. I don't know what to do I'm increasing becoming avoidant of everything up til I get to the point where I'm gonna be overly anxious to take the trash out. I know I probably sound crazy saying all this stuff but I just hold a lot of it in and everyone acts like I'm fine becuase I fake my happiness good, I figure nobody wants to hear my woe is me bullshyt cause I'm at war with myself. Basically I just want a someone to talk to again, tired of being by myself and I don't only talk about a bunch of my problems and stuff lol, I'm just dying of boredom so anybody can hit me up :
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