omnighost, i feel you. i've tried so many things. i am at a point where i embrace my social ineptitude. eff killing myself trying to change myself just so other people will accept me. i think it is ok to surrender and stop fighting it.
people come in all different shapes and sizes with all different capabilities- this includes mentally and socially. people need to be more tolerant of our kind. it is THEY who have the problem. we are normal human beings naturally dealing with psychological reactions to our extreme unnatural surroundings and extreme unnatural social expectations. being expected to sit down, shut up, and not make a peep inside a cage every day from 8-5 is not natural. you are caged in so many ways, not just physically. you are caged by the fact you can't leave your position, you are caged in what you are allowed to wear, what you say, how you say it, how you must sit, how you relieve yourself, where you can put your things, what you can touch, everything. if you need a break you can't take one because they own you. they will tell you when you are allowed to take a break. if you do get a break it is not a real break. you are allowed to visit the bathroom for two minutes and then return to your position. the environment is not natural. electronics everywhere, bad florescent lighting, electromagnetic fields, all of this has an effect on the human body. the human body was not designed/adapted for this lifestyle and that is why it causes so much anxiety.
you are perfectly normal. it is this modern lifestyle with ridiculous expectations that is not normal. i say stop trying to fix what is not broken.