Treatment for bitterness?

[ShyChild]

I'm so tired of trying to fight this. It feels like there is just no way out & this is how it's always going to be. Since my early teens, I've done everything to get better- meds, therapy, rehab, yoga, you name it. Sometime I feel better & it seems like I'm progressing then BAM right back to where I started.

I still don't have any friends yet, but I'm much farther along than I used to be. Once upon a time I couldn't come out of the house, & I certainly wouldn't have bothered posting this. Having just started my first semester in grad school I know I've come a long way. I just feel myself withdrawing again & slipping back into old behaviors. One of my biggest issues is the bitterness & resentment I feel towards others.

Today I found out someone I used to go to school with (who is undergoing radiation for cancer) is getting married & all I felt about it was jealousy & later in the day anger about how I'm all alone. Anybody else struggle with these sorts of feelings? It really does worry me that I've become this antisocial. I want to feel better & to be a better person, but how?

 

[LonelyWonders]

I am the same way as you, or atleast very similar. Those thoughts are just second nature to me at this point. All my life i've tried to force them out of my head but my best solution was to think them, then let them go away. Don't show your thoughts in your expressions or speach, but just think them then ignore it. Tell yourself your thoughts aren't true and eventually they begin to dissipate. Atleast thats my experience. Goodluck

 

[ShyChild]

Thanks. I'm relieved that it's not just me. I go through this sort of cycle where I get angry/bitter & begin thinking these mean thoughts then I'll feel guilty for thinking that way & sad that this is how I am.

Really trying to figure out how to let those thoughts just go away, but I'm a bit OCD so around & around they go. It was just suggested I start writing things down as a way of letting it out. We'll see...

 

[krs2snow]

I think I know what u mean, too. I think its really important to look at ur accomplishments and how far u've come. Where u were vs. where u are now. U may not be totally happy w/where u are now but u're probably a lot happier than where u used to be! Look at what u've accomplished and take a minute to feel proud of urself. U've come a long ways from back then and u should try to celebrate what u have accomplished, no matter how small or silly it seems. It's an accomplishement. I think I know what Lonely Wonders is talking about, too. Thoughts are just that, thoughts. They're fleeting. They come and go. But letting them go can be difficult and not letting them define u can be even more difficult. I don't think u should ignore them, exactly (although I think I know what Lonely means by this- don't let ur thoughts control or define u) I think u should acknowledge them and just let them be what they are. Try to just sit with ur thoughts. Try not to judge. Urself or ur thoughts. Just let them be there and acknowledge them and feel the feelings they produce. What I've found is that when ur able to do this without judgment those thoughts will turn to whispers then to wind then to nothing. They will start to matter less to u. U will hear them but they will not define U. They are there for a reason. Acknowledge them, hear them and listen to what they are saying to u- without judgment. Then simply let them go. Thats how u grow.

P.S. The bitterness and resentment u feel towards others is a reflection of ur feelings towards urself. Ur resentment towards ur "seemingly" lack of progress. But, U have progressed! U said it urself! U're much further along than u used to be! U used to not want to come out of the house now ur in grad school, taking courses, learning and interacting w/pple. If u feel ur withdrawing into old habbits, thats a pretty good indicator that u should listen to what ur mind/body is trying to tell to u. Ur anxious. Why? Listen. Try what I posted above. Sit w/urself and ur thoughts and let ur thoughts just be. Don't pass judgment. Just breath... and let go.

 

[Broken_Memory]

Ah yes, bitterness.

I won't comment right now on treatment since I am probably in need of this sort of treatment myself (bitterness comes out at certain times, but mostly it festers deep inside of me).

For a comedic release for bitterness, watching Sweeney Todd is one of my favourite past times. There is a certain theme of bitterness of course in this story, and it makes me a sense of justice when he gets to killing them. I lose myself in the story. Hee hee :XD

 

[ShyChild]

Sweeney Todd, Love it!!!