Today, I'm sad and that makes me sad

cowboyup

Well-known member
#1
I woke up feeling this way. I think I know contributing factors but not a real, solid one, if that makes sense.

I've been off the anti-depressant for quite some time now. Every now and again I get that 'electrical zap' feeling in my brain, dizzy, lightheaded and irritated. I thought by taking supplements (whether placebo or not, IDK) may help but I don't know. When will this stop? I barely get 3-4 hours of sleep a night as well.... I digress...

Some contributing factors to my ramped up anxiety/sadness at moment are:

my nephew is going to a different school - just started today, his parents transferred him to a different school almost 3 weeks into school year. Until the bus transportation is situated, I am the one to take him to school and pick him up. That sounds like a tiny thing but terrifies me...with all the what if's. See, when I was in school my parents always picked me up but it was anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours after school got out and I'd just be sitting outside the school waiting for them. Sometimes even the custodians, teachers, principal were all gone before they'd get me. I never want my nephew to wait for me...so I get there WAY early, but it reassures me I can find a parking place, etc.

I've been struggling with college. At the moment, I've been lying to everyone telling them I am in school, but I am not. I am at a standstill as to what to take to complete my AA degree...but even after that, I'd qualify for a secretary position. I've talked with my SIL and if I get a job right now, she said basically I'd just be working to pay for childcare for my niece (I watch her during the day). I started my application to the university, got my official transcripts for them and now I have to come up with the application fee. My SIL wants to go back to school to get her teaching degree but said she will do that when I am out of school and have a job. I am terrified as to how long that will take (me getting out of school and job, I mean).

Then there's the fact that I went to get my driver license renewed and it seems I missed an insurance payment in 2014 so now I owe the DMV $250.00 plus 35.00 to reinstate my license. I am ashamed to tell anyone. Yes, it was my fault and I need to deal with it. But seeing that my 'take home pay' is 200.00 a month, and I have a few expenses to keep up monthly, it's going to take a while to resolve the DMV issue. So now I am constantly looking over my shoulder when I drive....yeah, I know, dumb. My fault, too bad, so sad.

Let's see, what else...oh, yeah, I feel like I am just going thru a mid life crisis along with being early post menopausal (sorry if TMI) .... sigh..I just don't know what to do or which way to go next.

I can't think, concentrate, sleep, I've gained weight even though I watch what I eat (limit coffee, no soda, eat well, walk for exercise)

Well, that's about it for now. Thanks for letting me vent.
 
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