To move out or not to move out?

[EscapeArtist]

Hhmmm..so, 1-2 weeks ago I had a week all by myself, the last week in my old house before my family moved, and that week I lived in the old house by myself. I saw immediate improvement in myself, I finally stuck to my raw diet, I was exposing myself to the outside world everyday, I even went downtown and asked people the time... I was very lonely, but I felt that the loneliness was motivating me, like it was a rock bottom to feel that lonely. The point is, I was improving, I was, despite my loneliness, beginning to wake up and smile at life, life was stable for that week. My sister came over sometimes and we would laugh and take life lightly like we never had before, free from the negative impaired presence that is my mother. Life was looking up like it never had before, in just a week. And most importantly, I felt more motivated than ever to trudge through the pain to rid my anxiety for good!

Then I joined the rest of the family at the new house. I realize my mom is a very stressful figure in my life... and that she makes me hate myself, she makes me believe that i'm pathetic and that i'm never going to change. I turn to trying to escape, desperately from her hard glances and unusually severe judgement. I started bingeing on bread items (which i'm allergic to) and gaining tons of weight within one week, started to smoke pot and drink alcohol and feel the old burning rage (which leads me to judging HER in return. not a god pattern. I contribute this to also not having SPWorld as a support system.. seeing I had no internet). I began having thoughts of suicide, I nearly lost hope. How the hell did I get that low after being so hopeful? I think I see why... My mom is one of those people who gives evil looks all day, i'm dependent on her but she makes me feel guilty for every little thing she does for me. She makes me feel like a loser, on days I feel a little more hopeful she'll tell me i'm going nowhere and somewhere deep down it makes me give up.

I would like to hear some similar stories, if anybody moved out after living with a stressful family and how they adjusted to it? Type away, I'd love to hear it all, because I'm not sure, as a social anxiety sufferer, that i'm ready for all of the responsibilities of living alone, but I see that it could be my way out, or it could break me. I would be moving out with an older sister, but she'd never be home, so technically alone.

 

[Lea]

I can relate, the parents are terrible pain in the ass. However I can't just move out so easily and if I do, I live either in another family which I work for which is not much help of course, or in some (dirty) hole sharing a house with other people and not seldom a bullying landlord which is crap as well. Best is if I travel, but then it's usually rough and you often can't afford very good rooms either, if I happen to get a good room with everything en suite, I enjoy it but it's just for a day or two...

If you are lucky financially to afford moving out and living on your own, I would recommend it of course.

 

[Feathers]

EscapeArtist, Oh how I understand you!!

I was thinking about posting a similar post these days, lol!!
I actually have both mom and dad who are occasionally great, and occasionally drive me crazy!! (Okay, both me and sis.)

Sis lost a ton of weight when travelling too (depends on where) and at home she just plays computer games and eats cookies. We both go online mostly because of the stress!
Dad is renovating and workaholic and driving us all crazy with it! They are both just so negative, very often.. They're both retired, it was easier when they were still working..

When I was living on my own, at the dorm (with mostly cool roommates) or at Granny's when her flat was empty I FELT SO MUCH BETTER!

So if you can make it happen, financially, GO FOR IT!

I wish I had moved out eons ago, when I actually had more money in savings, now I'm worried I'd only have enough for a few months and then what? I'd need to get a job or at least stable income in another way, and not sure how to go about that. Also, have some 'eco projects' sort of planned locally, have networked with some people, so not sure if going abroad or even very far would be good with this regard.

If you have no 'links' holding you back, do go for it!
Be careful with just raw food though, especially long-term. It can be great short-term, for long-term, do your reserach. (A friend had many health problems partly stemming from going half-frutarian and such.)

I heard of one HSP girl who moved out and had panic attacks and moved back, but she wasn't living with anyone. Then (a year or so later) she moved to another city to be with her male friend/boyfriend (she was still in a solo appartment, just in the same city as he) and this time it worked okay. So it depends where you move and with who too...

Make sure you like the place and it's not too loud or smelly or something.. (A loud fridge in the same room where you sleep is a total no no in my book too!!) If you get along well with sis, that can be a good thing. (If you don't it may actually be better to live with strangers.. or friends, depending on who you are and who they are..)

Wishing you good luck!!

 

[drumev]

I don't know exactly what your relations with your mother are like, but no mature, mentally healthy person would kick someone who is down, especially their own child! Whatever she is telling or doing to you, it's because of her own issues. That's why you have to understand her, feel sorry for her and don't let her contaminate you with negative energy. As always, easier said than done, but this can be achieved with practice. My family is kinda like that too. God, I hate em
A great way to start being self-relient and respectful toward yourself is living on your own. I'm going to college next month, so all of the sudden I have to rely only on myself for everything. This has to have a positive outcome. I feel very strong about it. So I would definitely say - Yes. Do move out.

 

[Inspiration]

I'm still living with my parent. We don't talk much. No stress at all. But, i do wish to move out from my comfort home and go outside. Since, all my other sibling have moved out a long time ago. Thinking of going to other place and rent a room or rent a house with some stranger. Problem is i don't trust anyone. Will they still my stuff when i'm out working? I'm kind of a paranoid. Also, there is the financial issue. Renting would take away most out of my wage. Barely enought to survive not to mention saving up. Wage in my country is really low. If your capable in term of financially... i suggest you to move out. Well, moving in with your sister is not a bad idea. Like you said... when you're alone... it makes you to go out more often and do socialize with people's. Move out.

 

[Feathers]

A friend of mine is looking for a roommate. It's quite high costs and the appartment is not big enough/made in a way so that I could write in peace. It's also not very quiet (by the road). Also, I have better experience living with roommates I didn't know before. (More politeness and better boundaries lol) And the landlords there want it VERY clean, so I'm not sure if I'm not too messy for that!

Might look for other rooms/flats.. Just the looking gives me some anxiety though lol. I did manage to call a few contacts last week, the prices were a bit too high for me or the landlady didn't know what to charge and just said 'the same as everything else' huh.. So, how to find the really cheaper ones, lol?

EA, does your sis already have a flat to move to or would you find it together?

 

[Koumori]

I can really relate to this. I moved out last year at sixteen, because I had to for the sake of my mental health. It wasn't planned, I ended up walking out after an arguement - really out of character, I usually kept quiet and in my room and just got on with it.

As soon as I left, my depression has improved dramatically and although other obstacles have come up along the way, I've handled them better than I would of at home and I'm alot happier. My relationship with my family is still strained at best even over a year later, but...I try my best, but they just don't seem happy with who I am.

I've come to accept that and make my own life, but for everyone it's different. That's just my story and I hope it helps even a little Good luck~!

 

[Feathers]

Okay, I checked some more offers - living in a shared room or just one room in a shared flat seems most affordable.. I could get a room (or half) in London for the price of some options in our capitol, so hmm?

Again, cannot decide what to do. The prices are better now than in one month or so (they were probably even better in June), what with the students starting Uni in October.. So, what to do? hmm..

There will be (loud) renovations going on at home this week, yikes! Would love to get away..
I feel a bit shell-shocked from it all though..

Koumori, thanks for sharing your story!

 

[EscapeArtist]

Feathers: thanks for sharing so much =]
the job thing is the most stressful part of moving out for me.. i've never had a job, I don't exactly trust myself with anything.
Hhmm frutitarian I agree is dangerous x_x the two are quite different actually, so many health problems erupt if you don't eat mostly leafy greens, I will be careful though
Sadly the offer to move out with my sister is gone =[!!! She is sick of waiting for me to decide and her friend agreed to move in with her instead.... So now the choice is getting a job and moving out alone, or staying.... also my mom is a little bit of a hoarder. It's a harsh environment, I mean I know that I do want to move out, I know that i'd be so much better off alone but I'm soo afraid of getting a friggin' job, of all things! =/
Sharing a flat sounds like a great idea to me. You'd be sharing it with a stranger? I think that's the kind of thing I'd like to look for also. It'd be way out of my comfort zone, but in a good way. As you said, strangers are more polite, more boundaries...etc. Noise is a huge factor for me too so as long as it's quiet

Koumori, your story is really motivating. I'm glad you shared it and that you are feeling better than your worst. I feel that is how my family would respond...

 

[Richey]

i don't know its a baby boomer/gen x problem where parents just don't have great people skills or whether its just not great luck or that the marriage is this tiresome experience based on the parents looking successful but never enjoying themselves. my folks seem to not have much of a sense of humour and its always a stress-fest with them. i'm at home and as well as work being stressful i've been making myself ill ...but if i'm living on my own i'm a different person. more motivated, independent, relaxed ..

so this must be a common problem. i think if you can move out then go for it. take th risk.

 

[Feathers]

EscapeArtist, I'm very happy you posted this thread and elsewhere too!! You are very young, that would be my only consideration in your case. Are you going to college or might go next year? Then you might legitimately and more easily 'go away from home' in a more natural manner next year.. I was living mostly with my grandma throughout high school though, only home on weekends or in spring/summer.
I went to live at the dorm when I was about 18.. And it was great mostly - at least much better than before!

Sorry to hear about the idea of moving in with your sister, maybe there could still be an opening in that flat later? Can you get a green/eco job, maybe something with awareness-raising or such? The eco/green movement is very strong in Canada, it's only getting birth here really (very scattered)

I'm a bit unsure about the whole privacy thing though, if I continue to do eco projects.. I'd have to figure out some good ways to maintain privacy etc. (Or move in with eco people? But how/where to find them? Such that need roommates/flatmates?) The best one can get at online ads is 'non-smoker a must'. (?) (Though I got along well with a smoker roommate too, as long as she smoked outside of room, I had peace in the morning when she was with her ciggy and coffee..)

Some flats I saw seemed really small/crowded, so that'd be a no-no too.. And yeah about the noise.. Some recommend seeing the flat or at least its surroundings several times a day to see how it's like in morning/day/evening.. (?) Not sure how doable that is if I don't live there in that city.. maybe just getting something temporary first and then researching from that 'base' would be easiest?

 

[Feathers]

Interesting and great comment about baby boomer/gen x problems!

I was told by the parish cook that even 'their(=my parents') generation may be spoilt' - I was amazed, and then saw it was true!! They had great jobs that lasted a lifetime, great loans that became almost nonexistent due to inflation at a point so everyone could build a house, at least here..
They didn't think about eco things because they didn't have to, their lifestyle was 'convenience' and they got suckered big time into the 'supermarket fantasy life' at least here!!

My parents do have a sense of humor, but it's still very stressful sometimes. Yup, I totally agree I was happier and more independent when living on my own too.. And I even got better jobs and could do them better!!

So that makes me wonder, to move out first and then try to get a job/work/career, cause I might get something better? (On the other hand, don't have so many savings, so hmm?)

i don't know its a baby boomer/gen x problem where parents just don't have great people skills or whether its just not great luck or that the marriage is this tiresome experience based on the parents looking successful but never enjoying themselves. my folks seem to not have much of a sense of humour and its always a stress-fest with them. i'm at home and as well as work being stressful i've been making myself ill ...but if i'm living on my own i'm a different person. more motivated, independent, relaxed ..

so this must be a common problem. i think if you can move out then go for it. take th risk.