They say to put yourself out there but I still failed

[Weakminded]

About three weeks ago my friend wanted me to go to a party and I was nervous and didn't want to go but decided ok I'll make myself go because I heard to get over social anxiety you have to put yourself in these situations. I end up going and at one point my friend walks past me and says your kookin it and that pissed me off because I knew I was gonna end up being awkward. I was just standing next to random people not talking and probally looking very weird. I remember at one point I looked around while everyone was talking and I was just there. Im glad there was beer to get me drunk and calm my nerves because otherwise I would have been freaking out and look terrified. One girl asked me if I was ok because she said I looked zoned out and all I could think was that I looked like I didn't know what to do. *I just don't know how to talk to people. I'm 23 I'm not a bad looking guy I deserve more out of life then to always be At home week after week away from the world. It just pisses me off that I put myself out in a social situation and ended up looking like a jack ass. *I got a couple of CDs on self confidence and how to be assertive it says after thirty days it should help. How do you make it at a party or In social situations? What do you do so you don't come off as awkward?

 

[EasySkanking]

You become "strong minded" .

"Overcoming" social phobia is a lot like body building / strength training, in that it takes time to get to your goal. You will not instantly become Arnold Schwarznegger (holy cow had to google spelling) when you work out once or be able to bench 300 pounds when you first start to bench-press.

Become aware of what social anxiety is and what possible treatments there are for "overcoming" it. First, train yourself to become more "strong minded" (pardon for using your nickname in such a way but it fits well ), once you are "strong minded" enough to handle certain situations (such as parties), you'll be able to not "come off as awkward" .

It's worth it, life's beautiful and everyone's enjoying it. We're depriving ourself of a great thing here - and this should be motivation enough for us to be determined to "get there".

Good luck mate!

 

[coyote]

About three weeks ago my friend wanted me to go to a party and I was nervous and didn't want to go but decided ok I'll make myself go because I heard to get over social anxiety you have to put yourself in these situations. I end up going and at one point my friend walks past me and says your kookin it and that pissed me off because I knew I was gonna end up being awkward. I was just standing next to random people not talking and probally looking very weird. I remember at one point I looked around while everyone was talking and I was just there. Im glad there was beer to get me drunk and calm my nerves because otherwise I would have been freaking out and look terrified. One girl asked me if I was ok because she said I looked zoned out and all I could think was that I looked like I didn't know what to do. *I just don't know how to talk to people. I'm 23 I'm not a bad looking guy I deserve more out of life then to always be At home week after week away from the world. It just pisses me off that I put myself out in a social situation and ended up looking like a jack ass. *I got a couple of CDs on self confidence and how to be assertive it says after thirty days it should help. How do you make it at a party or In social situations? What do you do so you don't come off as awkward?

as i read this i'm struck by just how self-aware you were

you seem to know exactly what you were thinking and feeling the whole time

i think this is where we make our biggest mistake

try doing just the opposite

forget about yourself

focus on the moment, focus on what's going on around you

and forget YOU are there

because once you leave yourself and your thoughts

you also leave your fears - because that's where they reside

 

[userremoved]

I agree with the last two posters. Putting yourself out there is only part of overcoming social anxiety. The battle starts however in the mind. If you dont change the way you perceive yourself and other people around you, it wont really matter if you go out there because you'll just act the same every time. Thats mostly what CBT is about from my knowledge.

 

[ChrystaR]

Well, doing all of the above is certainly easier said than done.

Really trying to not think of what you are currently doing or how people perceive it does help, but it's not easy.

I had a very similar experience to you. My friend (no longer) said she was going to a Halloween party and asked if I wanted to go. I had asked her to invite me to something like this to try and help me branch out. So, I didn't have a costume and put on something I thought would look good. My sister's friend said (you will definitely get hit on in that). Well, I didn't. Sometimes, when I go places with my dad, he will tell me that guys are looking at me, but I never notice because I ususally keep my eyes to myself. But, this party wasn't like that. People hardly looked at me, and NO ONE said a thing to me. I felt so stupid, and I regret going even three years later.

A year or so later, I went to a graduation party and I did a lot better. But, still no one talked to me. I actually went over and talked to a guy I went to elementary school with, but didn't get much out of him. But, I know I spent a lot less time worrying about what I looked like or what I was doing, at this party than I did the other one.

Despite what SA does to us and makes us think, people really aren't thinking about us or staring at us as much as we think. Keep that in mind when you are in social situations. I know you said that one girl asked if you were ok, so it meant someone was watching what you were doing, but I don't think you would come off so akward to other people if you weren't worrying so much about how you came off.

I know it's hard, it takes practice to not sit there and worry about everything you say or do. But it does help to make things easier and more enjoyable.