First off, I haven't vented to anyone in a really long time so first and foremost this is what this is, me venting. I apologize if some of my thoughts aren't very cohesive and don't make much sense at times.
A little background...I've come back to this website after a long absence. Originally, I left because I felt like coming here was detrimental to my happiness. All I read were stories of loneliness and isolation. So I figured I'd be a happier person by avoiding this website. However, having no one to vent to, I've had no choice but to return here. Unfortunately for me, internet advice seems to do nothing.
Any who, I'm a college sophomore and things aren't going so well. Not to say there are many things going on with my life because there aren't. I'm really losing interest in college, I've never really known what I've wanted to to do with my life. That compounded with the emotional hardship of not being able to get close to people has really been hurting my motivation. I just can't find any purpose behind anything I do in school. I have no idea what kind of career I'd want, I know I don't want to do the corporate grind and I don't want to be a lawyer, doctor, teacher, engineer or computer scientist. Case and point, I have no idea what I want to do. But that's off-topic anyways.
In high school I was alone cause I was stupid. Now I've been in college for more than a year and have found that I have not been able to break the cycle. It probably has to do with the fact that I have trouble relating to a lot of people because they have experienced many things that I have not thanks to my living under a rock.
Also, people here in the city where I live are superficial jerks and if you don't believe me you can google about this for yourself to and you will realize that many people in the city I live in have the same feelings about it. It's hard to meet genuine people here.
It's not so much social anxiety any more, although it's still there, but I just have trouble talking to people unless I can instantly "click" with them. Which honest to god, happens rarely that I "click" with people. If I can't connect well with a person I can't talk to them much at all. It just ends up being a mere basic friendly relationship. Meaning, no going out together or talking outside of school.
The kind of person that I can connect with comes by rarely, if ever. Although when they do come along I can find myself talking quite at ease with them. Even though, the relationship with the person does seem to stagnate, just like with other people. I think I just contradicted myself.
Anyways, I'm just frustrated as ever, not motivated with school at all, alone most of the time and just sick to my stomach of my situation. I just see no way out of it.
And fizz out...yeah, I've lost interest in writing any more.
And yeah, I just realized tomorrow is Friday, awesome, another week over and another lonely weekend where I get I get torn apart emotionally.
Oh and how pathetic I am, I am 19, I've never had a GF and I've never even kissed a girl.
I need a hug and I haven't gotten a hug in ages.
A little background...I've come back to this website after a long absence. Originally, I left because I felt like coming here was detrimental to my happiness. All I read were stories of loneliness and isolation. So I figured I'd be a happier person by avoiding this website. However, having no one to vent to, I've had no choice but to return here. Unfortunately for me, internet advice seems to do nothing.
Any who, I'm a college sophomore and things aren't going so well. Not to say there are many things going on with my life because there aren't. I'm really losing interest in college, I've never really known what I've wanted to to do with my life. That compounded with the emotional hardship of not being able to get close to people has really been hurting my motivation. I just can't find any purpose behind anything I do in school. I have no idea what kind of career I'd want, I know I don't want to do the corporate grind and I don't want to be a lawyer, doctor, teacher, engineer or computer scientist. Case and point, I have no idea what I want to do. But that's off-topic anyways.
In high school I was alone cause I was stupid. Now I've been in college for more than a year and have found that I have not been able to break the cycle. It probably has to do with the fact that I have trouble relating to a lot of people because they have experienced many things that I have not thanks to my living under a rock.
Also, people here in the city where I live are superficial jerks and if you don't believe me you can google about this for yourself to and you will realize that many people in the city I live in have the same feelings about it. It's hard to meet genuine people here.
It's not so much social anxiety any more, although it's still there, but I just have trouble talking to people unless I can instantly "click" with them. Which honest to god, happens rarely that I "click" with people. If I can't connect well with a person I can't talk to them much at all. It just ends up being a mere basic friendly relationship. Meaning, no going out together or talking outside of school.
The kind of person that I can connect with comes by rarely, if ever. Although when they do come along I can find myself talking quite at ease with them. Even though, the relationship with the person does seem to stagnate, just like with other people. I think I just contradicted myself.
Anyways, I'm just frustrated as ever, not motivated with school at all, alone most of the time and just sick to my stomach of my situation. I just see no way out of it.
And fizz out...yeah, I've lost interest in writing any more.
And yeah, I just realized tomorrow is Friday, awesome, another week over and another lonely weekend where I get I get torn apart emotionally.
Oh and how pathetic I am, I am 19, I've never had a GF and I've never even kissed a girl.
I need a hug and I haven't gotten a hug in ages.
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