I'm too anxious to talk around even friends that I've known all my life. When a couple of my friends and I are hanging out and watching anime, during moments where we start getting into conversation, I find that I am always mentally blank and too anxious or fearful to speak. It's like when I go to talk my voice comes out really monotone, anxious, and shaky. I think, they must think something is wrong with me. Also I am very conscious of reactions. When I say something, like at random I'll just throw something out there that I feel has humor to it goes hand and hand with what the anime is about or something and I will literally get nothing but silence in return. No one will take the effort to say something like, "Good point." or whatever. It's like what I say is worthless, and i almost feel like I am unauthorized to speak because of it. What really annoys me is that no one looks my way when everyones talking, like there's something visible wrong with me. Everyone will turn to one another and spark up conversations with each other that will literally be ungoing throughout the night and I will be the only one left with no one to talk to or relate with. I realize that I am super boring in social situations because my true self never comes out around people, so it could be that no one feels like talking to me because my face might look disengaged or something? Anyway, it really bothers me to be left out and unable to jump in and join in on the conversations. Or at least be able to hold my own side of a conversation well enough so that people actually take interest in me. Sometimes I wonder if this is a curse to torment me.