Hottie
Well-known member
Last week i have realised i am in the late stages of alcoholism. Me? How? Well, my love for partying is out the window now. The one thing i love to do and be without SA, is party. If i have to give up drinking, thats it, my life is officially over.
Went to Amsterdam the weekend just gone for my birthday and the first night there i had a blackout and the event i had waited for for months to attend, the start i cant even remember. I can only begin to remember from being pinned down to a chair because of my aggression. I had to escape from the paramedics room to get back into the event. I twisted both my ancles...need i say no more, only that my behaviour was awful and i am ashamed of the angry person i turn into when i blackout.
Had a brillant time away (exculding anxiety and the blackout) and want to go back right now. But im back to reality and have to deal with getting off drugs all over again and now i have to seriously consider giving up drinking for a period of time, or forever, as alcoholism is progressive.
Its the one thing that i enjoy doing and now it has come to a stage where i have to give up. I know that drinking and drugging only add to the anxiety, but if stopping wont get rid of it im starting to feel like whats even the point.
I know that blacking out and turning into a very violent person should be enough to make me want to stop but when i think of weekends with anxiety, when i can be without it make me think...why bother? My life will only get smaller and smaller and then i may just disappear. I dunno, it scares me to think of a life without drink, escecially when where im from, the Irish culture is to go out and get drunk to have 'good time'. Who is even going want to do something with somebody whos not drinking on the weekends (where i live)?
Went to Amsterdam the weekend just gone for my birthday and the first night there i had a blackout and the event i had waited for for months to attend, the start i cant even remember. I can only begin to remember from being pinned down to a chair because of my aggression. I had to escape from the paramedics room to get back into the event. I twisted both my ancles...need i say no more, only that my behaviour was awful and i am ashamed of the angry person i turn into when i blackout.
Had a brillant time away (exculding anxiety and the blackout) and want to go back right now. But im back to reality and have to deal with getting off drugs all over again and now i have to seriously consider giving up drinking for a period of time, or forever, as alcoholism is progressive.
Its the one thing that i enjoy doing and now it has come to a stage where i have to give up. I know that drinking and drugging only add to the anxiety, but if stopping wont get rid of it im starting to feel like whats even the point.
I know that blacking out and turning into a very violent person should be enough to make me want to stop but when i think of weekends with anxiety, when i can be without it make me think...why bother? My life will only get smaller and smaller and then i may just disappear. I dunno, it scares me to think of a life without drink, escecially when where im from, the Irish culture is to go out and get drunk to have 'good time'. Who is even going want to do something with somebody whos not drinking on the weekends (where i live)?
This on top off everything doesnt help. But if i get rid of my addictions hopefully i will feel better, but the negative voice inside me says "i will never feel better".