the active lifestyle that I lack...

no1

Banned
It makes me sad, to see people on all these social networking sites, having pictures of them going to parties and clubs. Especially the young women my age or around my age. The majority have the same kind of pictures. Posing in some party scenery , and it's dark, with drinks in their hands, perhaps some neon colors. Fancy or showy clothing. Girls with their group of friends, girls taking pictures with random guys. Going to the beach,w ith their group. Going out at night somewhere, with their friends. Posing in some type of scenery, having fun, showing off their moments that they're having a very active, fun lifestyle that is mostly about.. well having fun at parties and gatherings I guess.

I look at this, and I start to feel desperate as if I'm missing out. A part of me, starts to think 'well these girls, are surely going to find a mate at least for the evening at the typesf places they go to. People go their to find mates, to have "fun", drink, dance (what is that some sort of silly jig people do with music?), at least for that night...People go out to "pick up" potential mates right? Is that their main motive for going out? Other than hanging out with friends, but why do they just "hang out". Do they really talk to each other that much, or do they just stand around, looking around, doing a jig once in a while. They go their to meet other people.

How in the hell does one do these types of things, and how do they go about, bringing this sort of scenery into their lives?

It makes me very sad. If these people asked me what I do, compared to them, I do NOTHING. I have no friends. But most of these people if not all, were introduced to these sort of situations through OTHERS. Getting together and going some place. A loner like me going out to these types of places is most likely going to end up being very bored unless he's very good at working up a crowd all by himself, and knows all their is to know about any kind of social interaction. Frankly, I'm not the best at that.

My life is kind of empty, which makes others I guess, put off by my emptiness. They don't look at me like they want to do stuff with me. If I do things by myself, I would just be like some sort of tourist, which is still not pleasing enough for them, nor is it for myself. Nothing gets done, I'm just sight seeing,I might as well become a traveler and tour the entire world by now, but where does that get me in terms of securing myself financially for the future?

people do these things naturally, they don't have to push themselves to be a tourist. people meet each other, they bond naturally, with ease, no effort done. they gather to places. No ****ing effort done. But I have to put a thousand times more effort, and get nowhere.

I don't know etiquette. I don't know how things are supposed to be done. I dont know how to be formal. I just am very socially immature, such that people are turned off and progress is virtually impossible without someone to accept me for who I am such that growth can actually be supported. Because I am behind. Nobody wants to stop in the middle of the race and give a hand to me, because then they might lose the race...

Im sorry. Please forgive me, for I may not know what I do.

And I smoke pot to make up for my loss. It makes me feel good but then I crash back into my sad little existence... i guesss. I hope not.

bah.
 

BlaiseBLATES

Well-known member
Eugh I know how you feel in a way. I used to have friends but now I have close to none because I don't go out with them. I look at their pictures on their websites and it's just like "How could I not be out there doing this?!" I used to go out an awful lot and try to be how they are now but no one wanted to stand in the middle of town and have a rave to every music possible, and now everyone is doing it and i'm being left out. They don't even come see me anymore like they used to. I'm missing out on a propper education too, and the year I'm in now is the most important for my GCSE's.
GOSHHHH life like this is rubbish...But moping about it isn't really gunna change it I guess, gotta turn it all into motivation and just do it :) Always used to be my motto, a little harder to live by it now but it's worth it. Just go for it darlin'
 

no1

Banned
Eugh I know how you feel in a way. I used to have friends but now I have close to none because I don't go out with them. I look at their pictures on their websites and it's just like "How could I not be out there doing this?!" I used to go out an awful lot and try to be how they are now but no one wanted to stand in the middle of town and have a rave to every music possible, and now everyone is doing it and i'm being left out. They don't even come see me anymore like they used to. I'm missing out on a propper education too, and the year I'm in now is the most important for my GCSE's.
GOSHHHH life like this is rubbish...But moping about it isn't really gunna change it I guess, gotta turn it all into motivation and just do it :) Always used to be my motto, a little harder to live by it now but it's worth it. Just go for it darlin'

go and do what, is my question.

Go and stand somewhere like an idiot and be laughed at, hoping that one out of a million will see me and feel sorry for me, and out of pity, want to be my friend?

Should I really put myself out there like that? What if I find nobody? What if I start crying like a little baby or throw a tantrum, and start throwing things around and picking fights with people I don't know? The obstacles I might hav to go through to get what I want might make me end up in a worse situation.

My mind state right now, is that by myself, with myself, I cannot even be with myself. I mess things up for myself. It only goes down hill. I need someone else's help, otherwise I'm ****ed. It seems I'm mentally dysfunctional, socially, spiritually, physiologically, dysfunctional.
 

BlaiseBLATES

Well-known member
go and do what, is my question.

Go and stand somewhere like an idiot and be laughed at, hoping that one out of a million will see me and feel sorry for me, and out of pity, want to be my friend?

Should I really put myself out there like that? What if I find nobody? What if I start crying like a little baby or throw a tantrum, and start throwing things around and picking fights with people I don't know? The obstacles I might hav to go through to get what I want might make me end up in a worse situation.

My mind state right now, is that by myself, with myself, I cannot even be with myself. I mess things up for myself. It only goes down hill. I need someone else's help, otherwise I'm ****ed. It seems I'm mentally dysfunctional, socially, spiritually, physiologically, dysfunctional.


Should you really care what others think of you? Why don't you make the first move? I know like if they just ignore you then yeah thats a little bit hard hitting but you can meet some really really nice people out there. Just go out and buy something and talk to the people behind the counters? Or say hi to people on the street who seem to be down, A smile is contagious and just by taking notice in someone you can make their day! I think it'd be worth a try for you. If everyone in the world was shy and didn't have the courage to give a small wave then no body would have friends :) You can go out and change it all..
Me I can't leave my house cause I have panic attacks when I do, so if i were you i'd get making some friends whilst you can cause you're lucky you can do so. You seem nice, you'll have no problems!
 

no1

Banned
Should you really care what others think of you? Why don't you make the first move? I know like if they just ignore you then yeah thats a little bit hard hitting but you can meet some really really nice people out there. Just go out and buy something and talk to the people behind the counters? Or say hi to people on the street who seem to be down, A smile is contagious and just by taking notice in someone you can make their day! I think it'd be worth a try for you. If everyone in the world was shy and didn't have the courage to give a small wave then no body would have friends :) You can go out and change it all..
Me I can't leave my house cause I have panic attacks when I do, so if i were you i'd get making some friends whilst you can cause you're lucky you can do so. You seem nice, you'll have no problems!

The probelm also is that I seem a bit selective when I go out there. WhenI go out there, I dont want to be talking with just anyone. I have a goal in mind and a sort of feeling of necessity to talk to people my age,and people who generally make me feel positive. Not... should I say, old folks. Or bums, or people who generally (and the majority are) to me appear to be negative because they are all into vices and stuff that I'm not even interested in. I'm into I guess, deeper thought. Finding a crowd of people who have the same interest is very hard to find. Though I know I may need to start blending in though, I know I will only blend in to 'fit in' and I dont want to just do it to fit in.
 

BlaiseBLATES

Well-known member
The probelm also is that I seem a bit selective when I go out there. WhenI go out there, I dont want to be talking with just anyone. I have a goal in mind and a sort of feeling of necessity to talk to people my age,and people who generally make me feel positive. Not... should I say, old folks. Or bums, or people who generally (and the majority are) to me appear to be negative because they are all into vices and stuff that I'm not even interested in. I'm into I guess, deeper thought. Finding a crowd of people who have the same interest is very hard to find. Though I know I may need to start blending in though, I know I will only blend in to 'fit in' and I dont want to just do it to fit in.

Well have you got any interests such as reading or sports? If you do it may be good for you to do something like a book club or playing for a team? I have a friend who has a saying (which does really directly relate to love but can relate to this too) and the saying is; you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a price, but in the end you'll be thanking kermit which basically means that you may meet people that you find 'bums' or complete idiots...but at the end of the day you're speaking to someone and once you find the one who you get on well with all the bums and idiots will have been the ones who got you there :).
 

no1

Banned
I also need to keep myself busier. If I'm not "partying", whatever that is. I am lacking in the motivational and emotional side. I also have been feeling extra lazy due to tiredness, and pains due to not resting well enough. That all is not just "in my head" stuff although my head could very well benefit my being in this situation, and perhaps higher knowledge, kind of like revolutionary, for my being, that it just makes me feel focused on the sights of the future, or "now" as they call it, or just plain truth..

I definitely need a job.. if I'm not going to be doing anything "productive".. if that makes sense to you, maybe even voluntary.
 
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BlaiseBLATES

Well-known member
voluntary work is good, i used to do some.
i met some cool people there and it didnt matter all that much if i missed one but i never really wanted too miss it. Shame i cant go anymore really, and they've stopped it cause some stupid yobs kept coming and messing up the work we'd all done....meh.
 

AdamWest

Member
Have you tried okcupid, POF, etc? You can write exactly what you want, and that's what people are there for, get to know some people, ask how there weekends were, eventually people will ask if you want to go to the party friday night, or the bar saturday etc.

But... even though you may want these things, or think you do, I'd take a good hard look inside, maybe you do, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I thought I always wanted that, I didn't do anything with anyone all through high school, not even a movie, not really even in college. I thought I wanted that social circle of happy friends who all took crazy pictures together.

Maybe I've just been alone too long to connect with anyone emotionally, these days I know various groups of people that go to bars and party, but what I thought I always wanted, I now have very little desire to do. I still have SA, but I also realize that being that social person is just not me, it's still lonely in it's own way, but at least I don't beat myself up over it anymore, if that's a good thing or bad I don't know.
 

DoodlebugSA

Member
I agree that you should try and join some club or volunteer or something. I joined a running club which is cool becoz at first you don't really have to speak to anyone (just give your name) and run. After a while I was more used to the people and they started conversations. It was not easy but it was okay - I run most Wednesdays and Saturdays with the club and go to races. Running is awesome becoz if you really don't feel up to speaking to anyone you can put your MP3 player on and do your own thing and it serves to ease the loneliness becoz you are still part of a group.
 
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