that feeling of regret

[burner21]

how do you all deal with regret? It's something that i want to avoid and it doesn't happen too much with me, but when it happens, it's one of the worst things in the world.

I also can't help but feel that regret comes from the fact that I have social anxiety. which makes it worse because i'll always tell myself: "if i wasn't so nervous and scared..." Its been happening more recently and it just eats me up inside. I know that the feeling lessens after some time has passed, but the big ones never really go away completely and the initial feelings are pretty bad.

So if any of you have advice or suggestions, that would be very appreciated.

 

[sketchy24]

I know what you exactly what you mean. But I really don't have a problem with regret so much anymore though. Sure something can happen and I may be really depressed and all these past thoughts and regrets come flooding back but... to be honest I just don't think about it. Its pointless to think about lost hours of the past. Look to the future and what you can do to change that. Sure thats not easy either but there is at least hope there.

There are a lot of things I regret growing up. But I don't dwell on it and my mind is to busy trying to focus on the present to shape the future to even bother worrying about the past. Basically, I don't wanna be full of regrets in 35 years or whatever knowing if I had worked to change then (now) I may have had a more fuller life.

If you keep your eye on a goal and keep hoping and working at a better tomorrow no matter how sucky today was, you'll be to busy to worry about the past. And if it starts to come up, think of something else. Sometimes I'll be at work (its really boring job but good pay) and my mind will wander and I'll jsut start getting more and more depressed as the night goes on thinking about past regrets and stuff. I just stop, take a breather, and focus on small things I can do to try to change. Learn from the past, look at what you can do to try to change that, don't expect immediate change and eventually, you may be surprised with how far you've come.

And if you wanna bring up your mood a little, turning on Celine Dions "A New Day" helps me out a little =P Don't really like her stuff that much (I prefer power metal and such) but I do love that song ^_^ Makes me feel good.

Anyway thats how I deal with it anyway. Probably not much help but anyway.

 

[Stressball]

I totally know how you feel. My highschool years were basically a waste because I was struggling to just get through each day with depression and a growing social anxiety problem and body image issues. I kept telling myself, what if I didn't become so fat and ugly? I probably wouldn't have struggled to socialise, had way more confidence, more friends and be further in life with the things I wanted to do.

But I can't change that. I am learning more to just live in the moment, took me something like 2 years to get over the anger and regret I felt over highschool and how I felt it was a total waste of my time and having no good memories of it, and all the anger I have over my parents as well and the voilence I had to witness on a weekly basis. I als had so much regret about overeating and getting fat it consumed me for a long time.

Seeing a psychologist and taking anti-depressants have helped heaps with my problems. I was so anxious the first day seeing her I was shaking, but gradually the anxiety lessened. I feel the only way to get over SA..is to keep putting yourself into those uncomfortable social situations no matter how much you hate it. I still hate it right now, but I have to get used to it. I just remind myself not to be so hard on myself if the people I talk to don't seem interested in me and I don't start a winning conversation.

My suggestion, is it just focus on the now and try to stop dwelling on the past and the "what ifs" because all it does it makes you feel worse, its not
productive and you can't change it. Took me so long to get over all the regret..just don't be hard on yourself OK. Focus on the things that you love and don't ponder the future to much either. I know its not easy, but just remember to pat yourself on the back for little changes you make in your life. Before opening up about my SA, depression and other problems and seeking help, it was almost impossible for me to get out of the house, let alone get up in the morning half the time. I spent 10-13 hours a day playing computer games to escape from everthing around me. I couldn't concerntrate anymore, couldn't remember anything, I even forgot the names of some people I knew for a long time! It was just crazy. I would always worry about any social situations I would have to face and have so much dread. I hated life so much. I was feeling suicidal and knew I wouldn't last long.

Today I'm working now, socialising a little more and trying to get back to school. I still feel hopeless and depressed, but I know I've come a long way. I can't look people in the eye properly let and find it so difficult to hold a decent conversation, but I try to work through it.

Anyway I really hope that helps.

 

[burner21]

thanks for the replies. you guys made great suggestions. this might sound corny, but it helps a lot just to have some positive feedback from you guys and knowing that people go through this and go on, or make a real effort to go on, with their lives.