Terrified of success?

[pavnaxtion]

I think my life never changes and I never have people in my life who actually like me. Anyone who likes me and wants to be a big part of my life or otherwise puts me on high, I hurt. I punish. I push away. Is this really just insecurity? Do I really just not feel like i'm not worth it. 'cuz if so then I feel like I wouldn't bitch and wonder why no one likes me I would be content. I feel like its a fear of expectations. Its a fear of people actually liking me cuz what would that mean? People saying hi to me all over. People inviting me to parties? People expecting hey that kid is fun to hangout with? Visualizing people looking at me with smiling, approving faces cause me anxiety and fear. Do any of you feel the same/have any better theories as to why this is?

 

[nodejesque]

I can absolutely relate.... when I make friends, I push them away. It is a form of self sabotage, I believe. I can only speak for myself when I say, that in my case... I feel like ultimately its better for those I care about... friends and family, if I just fade slowly out. It wont be so hard when I disappoint or when im just not there anymore.

In regards to success at work and at school.... failure wasn't an option for me. My family depends on me.

It is a struggle, but hopefully you see the value in yourself and embrace all the beauty and potential that exists in you.

 

[Amitush123]

I cringe at the thought of people depending on me, expecting me to become a regular part of my life..it seems so stressful

 

[mikebird]

I feel shameful that I pester people a bit too much

Making contact with previous friends.

BUT I hate it when recruiters do that to me so much by mail or phone, wondering if they want me or them to gain. I feel mocked and played-with see what happens - if I ignore or respond, to go on their record. I mostly get nothing when I do the rounds of doorbells, if everyone's asleep around midday.
I have things to offer. Something to do / share

 

[laure15]

I know people from online who seem to like me. I've spoken with some over the phone, but we never actually met in person. I am hesitant to continue the relationship or take it to the next level because of the risk of failure and disappointment. Once they find out who I truly am and realize I'm not as talkative or extroverted, they will lose interest in me. Plus, I have an online persona and an offline one; both are different in various ways. People that I meet online like my online persona and not necessarily the offline one. Experience tells me I have more success online than offline.

 

[UnderTheBoughs]

I think I have this issue, or something like it at least. I'd give almost anything to be confident and free of social anxiety, but when I think about what it might be like to live "normally", it just scares me. Just thinking about having a significant other scares me.

And currently I often feel like I tend to push people away, unintentionally, and of course one lack's the ability to do anything about it.

 

[vj288]

I don't think it's the success of it that scares me but maybe what the success would lead to. I don't talk to people, really ever. Obviously in doing that, it makes it difficult for anyone to like or dislike me, since I give them nothing to work with. Now imagine I did put myself out there a little, then some people may like me and other may not. Anyone not liking me is fairly terrifying, which is a pretty strong driving force in the fear but let's ignore that for a second and focus in one person. Let's say the one person liked me and wanted to hang out, or something like that. Then that would put me into a new social situation, where I have another opportunity to fail and be rejected, except bigger than before, more to lose. If that went ok, then I would just keep having strings of what feels like very high pressure,high stress situations. And the level of effort on my part would just be astronomical, any social situations,especially new ones, are so very hard for me that even trying a little feels like so much to me. *wonders if that made sense and was on topic*