Here are my worst secrets and most powerfull evidence proving that I am defective, unloveable, and worthless:
If anyone would like to share theirs, please do so. If anyone can help me debunk my list of shame, I would like that very much.
1. I have no friends. Nobody has really cared about me in 9 years, except for a few exceptions here and there, each shorter than a year. Few guys, if any, would want to be friends with me if they knew these defects. I have to pretend to be "normal" to make them at least talk to me, or hang out with me (rarely), so I must be worthless.
2. I have no girlfriend, I've had only four relationships, and none lasted longer than 5 weeks. Only two were even official. Girls won't stick around because they don't like me after the first or second date. NO GIRL WOULD WANT ME if she knew these defects. I have to pretend that I'm "normal" to get in their pants so I must be worthless.
3. I can't have sex with girls like a real man. Half the time I get soft.
4. I use porn for hours at a time when I get stressed: usually several times a week. Even on normal days I often spend 40+ minutes. When it was really bad (years ago) I once did it for 12 hours straight. Yes, I injured myself, I have ocd.
5. I have a really sick disgusting violent fetish that I can't tell ANY of you. No, it's not kiddies and it's not poo, and no, Im not going to hurt anyone in real life, but it's bad. I once wrote a story involving some girls I knew in middle school. I deleted it later. It was awful.
6. I can't fight so I am afraid of most other men. I can't stand up for myself or protect women.
7. Im out of shape. No I'm not fat, but I'm flabby in some places, and not strong and toned like other guys. Going to the gym is intimidating so I don't do it as much as I need to.
8. I live at home with my mother. Im 23. I never had my own place except for one summer. During college I lived in the dorms the ENTIRE time.
9. I often feel that White people shouldn't be friends with me or date me, because I am not pure. (no, im not saying what the other half is).
10. Ive done a lot of really weird things that made other people uncomfortable - like trying to adopt different personas (not anymore). Ive been dropped by several groups, a fraternity, and at least a dozen individuals.
11. I have SA, OCD, and GA. I know these don't really have to make a person defective, but I worry that they are part of my defectiveness.
12. I was ugly and couldn't dress in middle school, and I was a social outcast.
13. I got kicked out of a camp one time for being a terrible CIT. The kids loved me I guess but I still think it makes me defective for getting booted.
14. I didn't have sex of any kind until I was 18/19. Ive heard this isn't so bad, but I don't really believe them.
15. I didn't learn to drive 100% and get my license until I was 22.
16. I didn't get a job until I was in sophmore year at College.Ive never held down a job for more than three months until 2009.
17. I couldn't dance until I was in freshman year at College, and I never went to dances until then (except for 2 in 6th grade).
18. I didn't party for real until college.
19. I haven't had a normal life complete with the full range of normal experiences, for the last 12 years.
20. Im secretly afraid of women so I try to act like im confident, but really this caused me to do horrible things that hurt their feelings or creeped them out.
21. I have no life so I spend all day on the computer. Sometimes I do other things but I'm not out of the house for more than a few hours a day, usually.
22. I cant make myself go out to clubs every time that I want to, sometimes Im too nervous. Im thinking this isn't so bad now...maybe.
23. I have no real interests which I pursue ( sports, martial arts, singing, etc ), because Im scared of other people. Its like I have no personal life even.
24. I sometimes say things (especially in the past) which make other people dislike me. This has resulted in people thinking I was a loser or creepy, and in my getting banned or suspended from multiple websites, including this one. Even people on here have thought I was a creepy, weird, asshole.
25. I was too scared to try to learn how to skate again (first tried at age 6), until I was 22.
26. I often walk around wearing clothes I don't like anymore (not when I go out partying/clubbing), because I dont deserve to look nice. For the same reason I often don't keep my hair the way I like it (off), or shave up, or wear cologn. Knowing that Ive done this, proves that I am a freak.
27. Im really a complete retard, even worse than anyone can imagine. I sing the stupedist songs, nuzzle my cat obsessively, listen to the dumbest music, and walk around nakked all the time. I often don't take a shower or brush my teeth until the afternoon (and I get really sticky and smelly easily), and I spend the day obsessively researching nerdy topics like: biblical archaeology, psychology, feminism, and racial topics.
28. I am a know-it-all, especially on forums, and it causes people not to like me because I act like an asshole (apparently). This could be a minor defect, but I included it anyway.
****** I can't think of anymore right now, but I will add to this list as I do. **********
If anyone would like to share theirs, please do so. If anyone can help me debunk my list of shame, I would like that very much.
1. I have no friends. Nobody has really cared about me in 9 years, except for a few exceptions here and there, each shorter than a year. Few guys, if any, would want to be friends with me if they knew these defects. I have to pretend to be "normal" to make them at least talk to me, or hang out with me (rarely), so I must be worthless.
2. I have no girlfriend, I've had only four relationships, and none lasted longer than 5 weeks. Only two were even official. Girls won't stick around because they don't like me after the first or second date. NO GIRL WOULD WANT ME if she knew these defects. I have to pretend that I'm "normal" to get in their pants so I must be worthless.
3. I can't have sex with girls like a real man. Half the time I get soft.
4. I use porn for hours at a time when I get stressed: usually several times a week. Even on normal days I often spend 40+ minutes. When it was really bad (years ago) I once did it for 12 hours straight. Yes, I injured myself, I have ocd.
5. I have a really sick disgusting violent fetish that I can't tell ANY of you. No, it's not kiddies and it's not poo, and no, Im not going to hurt anyone in real life, but it's bad. I once wrote a story involving some girls I knew in middle school. I deleted it later. It was awful.
6. I can't fight so I am afraid of most other men. I can't stand up for myself or protect women.
7. Im out of shape. No I'm not fat, but I'm flabby in some places, and not strong and toned like other guys. Going to the gym is intimidating so I don't do it as much as I need to.
8. I live at home with my mother. Im 23. I never had my own place except for one summer. During college I lived in the dorms the ENTIRE time.
9. I often feel that White people shouldn't be friends with me or date me, because I am not pure. (no, im not saying what the other half is).
10. Ive done a lot of really weird things that made other people uncomfortable - like trying to adopt different personas (not anymore). Ive been dropped by several groups, a fraternity, and at least a dozen individuals.
11. I have SA, OCD, and GA. I know these don't really have to make a person defective, but I worry that they are part of my defectiveness.
12. I was ugly and couldn't dress in middle school, and I was a social outcast.
13. I got kicked out of a camp one time for being a terrible CIT. The kids loved me I guess but I still think it makes me defective for getting booted.
14. I didn't have sex of any kind until I was 18/19. Ive heard this isn't so bad, but I don't really believe them.
15. I didn't learn to drive 100% and get my license until I was 22.
16. I didn't get a job until I was in sophmore year at College.Ive never held down a job for more than three months until 2009.
17. I couldn't dance until I was in freshman year at College, and I never went to dances until then (except for 2 in 6th grade).
18. I didn't party for real until college.
19. I haven't had a normal life complete with the full range of normal experiences, for the last 12 years.
20. Im secretly afraid of women so I try to act like im confident, but really this caused me to do horrible things that hurt their feelings or creeped them out.
21. I have no life so I spend all day on the computer. Sometimes I do other things but I'm not out of the house for more than a few hours a day, usually.
22. I cant make myself go out to clubs every time that I want to, sometimes Im too nervous. Im thinking this isn't so bad now...maybe.
23. I have no real interests which I pursue ( sports, martial arts, singing, etc ), because Im scared of other people. Its like I have no personal life even.
24. I sometimes say things (especially in the past) which make other people dislike me. This has resulted in people thinking I was a loser or creepy, and in my getting banned or suspended from multiple websites, including this one. Even people on here have thought I was a creepy, weird, asshole.
25. I was too scared to try to learn how to skate again (first tried at age 6), until I was 22.
26. I often walk around wearing clothes I don't like anymore (not when I go out partying/clubbing), because I dont deserve to look nice. For the same reason I often don't keep my hair the way I like it (off), or shave up, or wear cologn. Knowing that Ive done this, proves that I am a freak.
27. Im really a complete retard, even worse than anyone can imagine. I sing the stupedist songs, nuzzle my cat obsessively, listen to the dumbest music, and walk around nakked all the time. I often don't take a shower or brush my teeth until the afternoon (and I get really sticky and smelly easily), and I spend the day obsessively researching nerdy topics like: biblical archaeology, psychology, feminism, and racial topics.
28. I am a know-it-all, especially on forums, and it causes people not to like me because I act like an asshole (apparently). This could be a minor defect, but I included it anyway.
****** I can't think of anymore right now, but I will add to this list as I do.
**********
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