taking risks

[alex29]

im in a new place without any friends and ive been taking so many "risks"

what i mean by this is i try really, really hard to be social. ive been introducing myself to strangers, making small talk, telling people i had fun and we should hang out, and it just gets me no where.

sometimes these risks make me feel worse off. i introduced myself to someone the other day and i just got weird looks and i felt awful. i wont be doing that again.

i feel proud of myslef for trying so hard and taking these steps but they dont seem to be getting me anywhere. im losing hope, getting discouraged, and am ready to just give up and say fuck it all, and go back to being a hermit.

 

[sleepysparrow]

Good for you for trying, i've been told to take risks too, but the thing is I end up meeting the worst people - shallow people, superficial people, ignorant people, people who will laugh at me and talk behind my back. It always happens. I just have to live with the fact that i'm awkward and weird and different and not everyone is going to like me, so I don't want to risk it because i'm fed up with the whole system. Basically a risk is just a chance to end up meeting an asshole. At this point, I don't want to meet anyone because who can I trust? I've given up trying with people, I dislike most people, I just want to be happy to be myself. Sorry, ranting..

 

[playthepsychedelic]

It's great that you're taking risks. Don't be afraid to get laught at or maybe even ignored. As you said, be proud of yourself taking these risks.
Of course, don't overwhelm them. act natural, and try to be "passive" socializing ; when they ask you something respond friendly, use "body language", act relaxed , smile alot, look happy and confident. DON'T let them get you down. I have a great link for you that helped me alot and that really boosted my social life. I don't know whether you're a guy, but there are many more such helpguides for girls of for both guys and girls, just search on www.wikihow.com.
my "wonderlink" : http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Popular-Guy

http://www.wikihow.comSpecial:LSearch?fulltext=Search&search=popular
remember, you trying is the first step to inevitably lose your SA; keep on trying

 

[limetree]

Dude, that's heaps brave. I've never taken that kind of risk before so don't write it off as futile. From where I'm sitting every stepping stone is a significant achievement and the key to momentum. I am talking to someone on myspace whose attitude I really admire,

"i think i have a very small case of spocial phobia. i push myself, to be better in things i concider important, people are important to me, their lives, their happiness. so i push myself."

It's so easy to say "yeah I'm going to try it out tomorrow" now in my comfy solitude, but returning to a room full of people I did eventually put up the wall-e mute withdrawal defense. You got past that however!

The journey of success consists of disappointment and improvement. Imagine if you kept practising (besides the thought of how draining it would be!)...you're bound to find some people who are accepting and will give you a chance. These type of people will usually make you feel more comfortable, thus encourage your confidence.

 

[shyorca]

Good for you for stepping out and being brave. I, too, have moved to a new place recently. I made an effort to be the first to say "Hi" and introduce myself to my neighbor. I have never done that before. I usually wait until someone talks to me first. I guess it was the fear of rejection. I, too, said "screw it". I don't like not having many people to talk to. It gets very lonely. So, I'm glad that you're on the right path. It doesn't matter if people give you weird looks or anything negative. The point is that you are being brave and helping yourself! Good luck!

Found this article. Thought it was good & wanted to pass it along.

http://thesauteeroom.com/overcomeshyness.html

 

[JonnyD]

@alex

dont give up, i admire you so much, i just begin to search for help because you posted that you would try to find help, that really touched me...
i remember you said you where seeing a counselor maybe you should try talking to him/her...

for sure i know you're going somewhere, i mean you already know what you have, and now you're fighting it.
so you had a bad experience, when you learned to ride a bike do the scratches made you stop?
(not the better example, because i learned with 13 yo )

i think you're pushing yourself too much!

playthepsychedelic is right, you have already started to overcome your SA, you just need to be patient and let things come naturally, if you feel like talking to someone , just talk, don't let your invasive thoughts forbid you... you don't need to push yourself when you don't want to (i did it one and was terrible!), if someone ever rejects you it's their problem because they are losing the chance to know the great girl you are

@sleepysparrow i know how you feel, but today i felt the smallest person in the whole world just because i thought that a person was shallow without really knowing him.
I realised that i was just keeping him from becoming my really good friend because i thought he was superficial, today i saw him building up tears because of a friend , i felt terrible by judgin him....

I know theres shallow, mean and rude people out there, but maybe their the minority, maybe most people just hide their "true self" because of their problems, just like us .