CeeJay1981
Banned
This might sound like a huge burden but I am going to explain how it is actually the key to social success. By taking responsibility you are acknowledging that whatever happens is coming from within YOU. Now I'm not talking about what other people are doing or saying because you can NEVER have complete control over that. What I'm talking about are your REACTIONS to and ways of INTERPRETING what people do and say in any given situation. Or indeed how you react and interpret ANY situation in your life.
If someone critisizes you, for example, or puts you down in some way you could react by getting upset and spending the rest of the day going over what was said to you inside your head and potentially ruining the rest of your day. Or you could react by saying “OK, this person either has a problem with me for some reason or was bugged by something and decided to take it out on me. Either way, I choose to let it wash over me and to focus on minding my own business and creating outcomes that I want.” By doing this, you have taken responsibility for your reaction and put yourself in the position of power. You have placed yourself at the cause end of the cause and effect spectrum. By placing yourself at the effect end you are a victim in life and your emotional wellbeing is dependent on external circumstances.
So long as you are blaming outside events and other people for how you feel you will NEVER get to the place where you are in control of your experience of life and therefore be in a position to succeed socially or any other way. Everything that is currently happening in your life is a DIRECT RESULT of how you are currently thinking and acting. The problem is that it has all been going on automatically, outside of your awareness up to now. You are probably also unaware of alternative ways of thinking and acting.
Another common trap that some people fall into is thinking that there is some expert or guru out there that will change them. I want to assure you that the only person who can change you is YOU. Even if you are in therapy, ultimately it is you who needs to accept and integrate what you are being offered by the therapist.
People who thrive in social situations do all this naturally even though they don't realize exactly how they do it. For whatever reason, they were brought up in fairly happy, stable and nurturing environments and simply don't know any different in the same way that you are doing the things you are currently doing because you don't know any different.
Being a natural may seem like a good position to be in but it is much better to actually LEARN how the social game works and how to make it work for you than just let it happen by accident.
This principle of taking responsibility is deceptively simple but very difficult to actually put into practice. We have been brought up in a culture of blaming others and have a whole lifetime of practice at blaming things outside of us for the way we feel. Another thing I want to make clear at this point is that being responsible does mean you are to BLAME for what is happening in your life. Again, your current behavior is based on childhood programming that was created when you were to young to know any better and has being running along on autopilot for your entire life. The key is to become AWARE of how you are doing what you are doing and to learn alternative ways of doing things so that you can become flexible and have choice over how you think and act in any given situation.
Once you really get this principle on a deep level you will have incredible personal power both over your own mental and emotional state and any social circumstance you choose to place yourself. You can have that power if you are ready to take 100% responsibility for your results and experience of life. Are you prepared to start doing that?
If someone critisizes you, for example, or puts you down in some way you could react by getting upset and spending the rest of the day going over what was said to you inside your head and potentially ruining the rest of your day. Or you could react by saying “OK, this person either has a problem with me for some reason or was bugged by something and decided to take it out on me. Either way, I choose to let it wash over me and to focus on minding my own business and creating outcomes that I want.” By doing this, you have taken responsibility for your reaction and put yourself in the position of power. You have placed yourself at the cause end of the cause and effect spectrum. By placing yourself at the effect end you are a victim in life and your emotional wellbeing is dependent on external circumstances.
So long as you are blaming outside events and other people for how you feel you will NEVER get to the place where you are in control of your experience of life and therefore be in a position to succeed socially or any other way. Everything that is currently happening in your life is a DIRECT RESULT of how you are currently thinking and acting. The problem is that it has all been going on automatically, outside of your awareness up to now. You are probably also unaware of alternative ways of thinking and acting.
Another common trap that some people fall into is thinking that there is some expert or guru out there that will change them. I want to assure you that the only person who can change you is YOU. Even if you are in therapy, ultimately it is you who needs to accept and integrate what you are being offered by the therapist.
People who thrive in social situations do all this naturally even though they don't realize exactly how they do it. For whatever reason, they were brought up in fairly happy, stable and nurturing environments and simply don't know any different in the same way that you are doing the things you are currently doing because you don't know any different.
Being a natural may seem like a good position to be in but it is much better to actually LEARN how the social game works and how to make it work for you than just let it happen by accident.
This principle of taking responsibility is deceptively simple but very difficult to actually put into practice. We have been brought up in a culture of blaming others and have a whole lifetime of practice at blaming things outside of us for the way we feel. Another thing I want to make clear at this point is that being responsible does mean you are to BLAME for what is happening in your life. Again, your current behavior is based on childhood programming that was created when you were to young to know any better and has being running along on autopilot for your entire life. The key is to become AWARE of how you are doing what you are doing and to learn alternative ways of doing things so that you can become flexible and have choice over how you think and act in any given situation.
Once you really get this principle on a deep level you will have incredible personal power both over your own mental and emotional state and any social circumstance you choose to place yourself. You can have that power if you are ready to take 100% responsibility for your results and experience of life. Are you prepared to start doing that?
