Suicide

[Crayzorder]

I've been thinking about killing myself.
It's odd...when i think about killing myself or killing people i hate, i gain happiness. Which makes me want to do it more and more, to this point where i tried to kill myself and failed recently (Won't go into details).

I have reasons, meaning, i won't get out of depression, and the whole "Each day gets better" shit is fake, more soever "each day gets worse." Not too forget im seriously interested in religion, and i wanted to see what the truth is, instead of the stupid ideas that are on earth (Agnostic Atheist as of now). School, pointless. Everything they teach i know, i just go there to get messed with or be social (Which i hate.) So...again, no point. But if i fail out, than life would be x10 worse in the future. Oh, and of course because life sucks in general, but that's obvious, that's why most of us our on this forum!

Since these above terms make much sense, wouldn't the suicide solution be much better than continuing with this shit? I can always go for a second attempt.

 

[anxiousguy83]

You say you're interested in religion, but have you actually believed in it?

I never regret my experience with Christ . It was that who helped me out of my deep depression.

 

[1188198343]

Suicide is a "solution", but it wont make you feel better. You probably wont feel anything when your dead. As long as there is one reason for me not to die i dont want to.. dont think there would be a 2nd chance

 

[Crayzorder]

You say you're interested in religion, but have you actually believed in it?

I never regret my experience with Christ . It was that who helped me out of my deep depression.

Up till this last year. Becoming an Atheist actually helped me quite a bit. Christ only made things worse for me, im glad to be gone of him. But I won't debate you, that won't help either of us.

 

[Crayzorder]

Suicide is a "solution", but it wont make you feel better. You probably wont feel anything when your dead. As long as there is one reason for me not to die i dont want to.. dont think there would be a 2nd chance

I'd prefer the feeling of nothing over the feeling of extreme sorrow on a daily basis anytime.

 

[MotherWolff]

Is it better to go on living in sadness or to become nothingness(suicide)? That is the question. Sometimes I think that it would be better to just be dead, and being dead is like never being born(in my opinion). But if your dead you'll never know what "could" have happened if you remained alive. By "could", I mean something(s) very good (or bad) "could" have happened to you if you stayed alive. So living is like taking risks everyday, but suicide is like quitting right? I think about killing myself sometimes too but at least if I'm living I get second chances. I don't think the dead can get another chance. So is suicide really the answer here? :?

 

[carsickcars]

I think about killing myself everyday too. But honestly, I love life, I just hate the people who surround me. And I hate myself for hating them, if that makes any sense.

If you think your life is so hopeless that it's not worth living, then change it. Move to another city, get a new job, learn a new hobby, get a pet, whatever. You need to find a reason to keep living. There's so much beauty in this world. Life is worth living, even if you spend 90% percent of it completely miserable. The 10% that's enjoyable is enough reason to live on.

 

[getbornagain]

I think about icing myself all the time. For years I've pictured my funeral over and over with my favorite songs playing as everyone comes up to see my open casket hahahahah but I could never do it because I believe in God, Heaven and Hell and with suicide you wind up in hell.... I always said if I can't have salvation in this life I will in the next. Gonna have to grind it out.... but on bad days I always ask myself if hell could actually be worse than this place.

In the end I'm probably just too big a pussy to do it... that's our problem, we are fuckin pussies. LOL

 

[Alaina]

Life is worth living, even if you spend 90% percent of it completely miserable. The 10% that's enjoyable is enough reason to live on.

I agree with this!! Nicely put.

 

[NormanBates]

Better to be alive and complaining about it than dead and not dealing with it.

 

[marciaX3]

i admit that suicide is constantly on my mind. ever since my dad died when i was 9, i have wanted to die, and not a day goes by w/o me wishing i was dead. yeah, i had my attempts as well, obviously sucky ones. i've banished god from my life (no offense to anyone). i truly blame him for all the crap that has happened to me in my life. and no, these were not things i had control over or could've changed. these are things/people that happened *to* me. i even rated "very high" in "suicidality" when my therapist did my 3 month evaluation so it's always in the back of my mind to want to die.

so my point is, i have a decent idea of where you're coming from. i'd say the biggest reason i haven't died yet is b/c i need to live for my little brothers. in the event that my mom dies, i don't want them to go to anyone except me. no one else can take care of them. if it weren't for them, i would've jumped in front of the train or walked into incoming traffic long ago.

i can't say if we'd be "happier" if we were dead. i'm not sure if we definitely go to hell for killing ourselves or not since there's no way of knowing until you're going through it yourself. all i know is that i'm tired as hell of the life i've had to live and the way life has tormented me... anyhow, i hope that whatever you do, you find what you're searching for.

 

[Gone]

If you really hate reading long posts you can settle for the short version : I suck. Now for the full version.

I just love these suicide posts, i always end up reading them and none of the anti-suicide viewpoints seems to bite on me, just makes things worse. Like the 10% theory.
"Life is worth living, even if you spend 90% percent of it completely miserable. The 10% that's enjoyable is enough reason to live on."
I think im done with my 10% and only have the miserable part left to look forward to. When i was 0-10 years old, i was happy and unknowing of how much life sucks.

In a way im better of now then i was in my teens, i have all the things i wanted, im done with school, managed to get away from my family that i hate, i live on my own, have enough money to buy whatever i need. But its just not enough, im tired of being alone, i hate waking up alone, living my day alone, and going to bed alone. From the moment i wake up i know its going to be yet another day of the same thing, nothing. I spend weeks at a time without seeing another human being, playing games and watching videos on my computer doesn't entertain me anymore, and i have noone to talk to. Sometimes i feel guilty about these feelings since alot of people around here seem to have it worse then me and for a longer time as well.

No offence to the few people ive talked to online, i love them but its just not a substitute for the real thing, and theres a limit to how much i can spew out my emotions to someone i haven't even met before it gets to uncomfortable.

I don't know what il do, i don't have the strength to do something about it, nor do i know how i would change if i could. Everytime i have tried something in the past ive failed and it only brings me down even more, this is as good as it will ever get, but its not enough to keep me going forever.

I have this therapist i see every 2-3 weeks (thats the one time i leave the house and go buy food as well). but talking to her doesn't help much. Last time i saw her, she started talking about suicide, it was really uncomfortable and we just sat in silence for minutes at a time, obviously she has to be as pro-life as possible, its her job, and it kinda ruins it becouse just like these posts i hear no valid points to the things she say.
'Think about your friends, think about your family, your future, your options'. Who? What options?
If she at some point thinks im going to do something like commit suicide, she would undouptly have me commited and that puts a big dampener on the conversation as well.

Would be intresting if there was some sort of neutral therapist out there, someone that could get to know my situation and actuely say 'Yes it sounds like your screwed, go home, take this pill and don't call me in the morning'. That would be great. Unrealistic but great

Just to make it clear, no, i don't have any plans of suicide anytime soon, and im going to try out taking anti-depressents, the one thing ive avoided trying so far. I wanna live atleast i while longer. Im pretty sure that one day its going to end in suicide. I find it comforting knowing that theres a way out of this. One of the few reasons i actuely wanna live is that i don't want anyone to feel sad about it, or feel guilty, when i die id like people to be happy for me and think 'Good for him, now he's finaly at peace', but thats not going to happen of course. Another thing that keeps me going i guess, is the lame hope that if i can just live on long enough, some magical solution is going to appear out of nowhere and make everything right, i dread the day i realise thats not going to happen.

Holy crap that was a long and pointless post, but it was nice putting my thoughts down in text. Thanks for reading, and you can be sure il delete this post at some point when im feeling better or more paranoid.

 

[Gone]

That's the bother of it ^

When you just need someone to talk to, to explore the option of suicide a little, and all they do is try to persuade you not to. I don't really blame them either, however it really leaves me no one to talk to when these thoughts rise up. I'm not seeing a therapist now, but I really doubt that I would discuss it with them either for fear of being committed. The last thing I want in that head space is someone's useless optimism about why I should live.

Yeah when you talk to someone about it, you kinda place a responsibility on them to try and talk you out of it, rendering the conversation pointless. I didn't want to talk to the therapist about it in the first place, she could smell it on me or something.

 

[Naniwazu]

No, suicide is never the right option...life is too precious to throw away

and rules say:

3. The following posts may be edited, removed, moved or split, at the discretion of the moderators:
- offensive
- repeated
- purposefully disruptive
- cross postings
- obscene
- spam
- posts referring to illegal drugs or suicide

(My italics)

If the moderators aren't going to moderate, then I'll do it...I advise you to see a psychologist, ecspecially since you have actually tried to commit suicide in the past. Suicide is selfish and egoistic...you have an obligation not only to your family and society, but to yourself not to do it (you have a responsability to take care of your life and not squander it away).

There are people in this world who are far worse of than you (in Gaza, for example), who wouldn't even think of commiting suicide even though their situation seems utterly hopeless. That takes courage: to go through each day, knowing any minute you could be blown up by a bomb..as in Iraq or people starving in Africa or even homeless people on the street. If they can find the will to live on a daily basis, why not you?

 

[Naniwazu]

The last thing I want in that head space is someone's useless optimism about why I should live.

If the moderators aren't going to moderate, then I'll do it...I advise you to see a psychologist, ecspecially since you have actually tried to commit suicide in the past. Suicide is selfish and egoistic...you have an obligation not only to your family and society, but to yourself to not do it (you have a responsability to take care of your life and not squander it away).

ahem

Are you denying what I'm saying is true? I mean, for all I care people can do what they wish, it's not my life...I'm just amazed that you don't see how precious life is...anyway, we all think about suicide once in a while, just don't go through with it.

 

[Naniwazu]

i admit that suicide is constantly on my mind. ever since my dad died when i was 9, i have wanted to die, and not a day goes by w/o me wishing i was dead. yeah, i had my attempts as well, obviously sucky ones. i've banished god from my life (no offense to anyone). i truly blame him for all the crap that has happened to me in my life. and no, these were not things i had control over or could've changed. these are things/people that happened *to* me. i even rated "very high" in "suicidality" when my therapist did my 3 month evaluation so it's always in the back of my mind to want to die.

so my point is, i have a decent idea of where you're coming from. i'd say the biggest reason i haven't died yet is b/c i need to live for my little brothers. in the event that my mom dies, i don't want them to go to anyone except me. no one else can take care of them. if it weren't for them, i would've jumped in front of the train or walked into incoming traffic long ago.

i can't say if we'd be "happier" if we were dead. i'm not sure if we definitely go to hell for killing ourselves or not since there's no way of knowing until you're going through it yourself. all i know is that i'm tired as hell of the life i've had to live and the way life has tormented me... anyhow, i hope that whatever you do, you find what you're searching for.

First, my condolences for the loss of your father, which has obviously affected you deeply.

It's true, as you mention, that one does not have control over external events in one's life that can cause suicidal feelings etc. However, it's important to realize that it's not the events in themselves that cause these feelings and emotions, it's the way you perceive the events...if I am being bullied, I could say that its the bullying that is causing my depression...but actually it's my negative thoughts associated with the bullying that's making me sad, not the actually bullying in itself...in other words, in order for the cause (the bullying) to have an effect (i.e. depression) on me, I first need to perceive the cause as being negative...it's the way you interpret external events that create the feelings, not the actual events in themselves...to keep to the example, if you analyze the bullying and come to the conclusion that what they are saying is untrue, then it has no negative effect on you...so, whatever is creating suicidal feelings in you, you need to change the way you interpret these causes (whether it be the death of your father or whatever it may be). Understand that his time had come, do not take responsability for his death...if that's what you are doing. I hope at least some of this makes sense! But you have a great reason to live: your younger brothers...as you say: you could not commit suicide because you have a responsability to be there for them, should it be nessesary. Kudos for that.. OMG..sorry for the long, long post...

 

[Naniwazu]

Are you denying what I'm saying is true? I mean, for all I care people can do what they wish, it's not my life...I'm just amazed that you don't see how precious life is...anyway we all think about suicide once in a while, just don't go through with it is my opinion.

No, i just think that no one else has the say as to what is right for you. Sometimes suicide is the best option. Who are you to say otherwise. You don't live in their head.

This discussion could go on and on...give me ONE good example of when suicide is 'the best option' (not counting euthenasia)

 

[Gone]

I've been thinking about killing myself.
It's odd...when i think about killing myself or killing people i hate, i gain happiness. Which makes me want to do it more and more, to this point where i tried to ***** and failed recently (Won't go into details).

I have reasons, meaning, i won't get out of depression, and the whole "Each day gets better" shit is fake, more soever "each day gets worse." Not too forget im seriously interested in religion, and i wanted to see what the truth is, instead of the stupid ideas that are on earth (Agnostic Atheist as of now). School, pointless. Everything they teach i know, i just go there to get messed with or be social (Which i hate.) So...again, no point. But if i fail out, than life would be x10 worse in the future. Oh, and of course because life sucks in general, but that's obvious, that's why most of us our on this forum!

Since these above terms make much sense, wouldn't the suicide solution be much better than continuing with this shit? I can always go for a second attempt.

Your still in school? Man its too soon to throw in the tovel yet, you should atleast try to finish school then give it another few years and see how things turn out? You mention that you allready know the stuff they try to teach you at school, that makes it sound like your a smart guy, sounds promising to me.

This discussion can go on and on...give me ONE good example of when suicide is 'the best option' (not counting euthenasia)

Nani...you really wanna challenge us to come up with some suicide scenarios? Becouse i don't have to think far to for that to happen.

 

[Naniwazu]

This discussion can go on and on...give me ONE good example of when suicide is 'the best option' (not counting euthenasia)

That's not the point. I don't need to justify why. The point is its not up to you or anyone else to decide what is right for my life. The end.

True, but what I'm saying is that suicide is an irresponsible and silly thing to do when there aren't any good reasons to do so. If there was a good reason, maybe I would change my mind. Anyway, we could argue forever about this, there's no point really...

 

[StonedBob]

Hi, because i'm new, I don't know you very well, so I cannot judge you (and that's not my goal). But what I can tell is that I was feeling exactly the same just one month ago. I decided to see a psychiatrist and I've begin a treatment (of citalopram). Today, i feel much better, more optimistic about my life. Things are not perfect, I still feel bad sometimes but there's a big difference with what I felt just one month ago.
So why don't you try to see a psychiatrist (Crayzorder and flakeybarrk), it may be helpful. If you already tried, well sorry, i've no more advice .
I'm sorry if I appeared to be offensive or rude, that was not my intention at all.