Subtle bullying

[Skullomania]

I always feel like people hate me. Even when I try to do right, I do wrong. But people kind of indirectly tell me they can't stand me. But it's so obvious that their "hidden" message was about me. They try to make it indirect so that it doesn't seem that way. It makes me feel really bad. Sometimes I feel like it'd be better if they'd say it out in the open.

The weird thing is that these people make these grand announcements about how people are mean and jerks to one another, yet are the ones doing the subtle "I hate you for no reason" cold shouldering. They don't point fingers, but in a way they do. I feel like what they are doing is cowardly and hypocritical. They themselves are the self centered jerks they claim to hate and fight against so much. They say and do things just as bad as the people they talk against. It really bothers me. Every time I see the name or see them around, I get so nervous. As if the negative energy is focused particularly on me since day one. Does anyone know what I mean? I'd really appreciate the feedback.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

 

[Beatmetrics]

Hey... I hear you. Try not to think that what is being said or hinted about you. Maybe you could try redirecting it in someway. If a girl kinda looks your direction and you think she is giving you this terrible, quick expression. Think damn did someone just fart around her I know it wasn't me and be about your business. Or say someone is sitting down you have to walk in the pathway of their foot that they so courageously stuck its way out there. When you walk by jump up, turn their way and go "AAAH!" thank goodness I've cat like reflexes. Your inability to see me coming up could have caused a serious accident. Try and make it about something else because more than likely it just maybe. If not, my dear friend they end up looking like the passive aggressive ones so I wouldn't even bother. Those who can't show their feelings in front of you aren't the ones you want to be around anyways.

 

[Tripolar]

I know exactly what you mean. The worst for me is that I end up asking myself "Am I just being paranoid, Am I reading into this too much?" which is a valid question to ask myself seeing as how I read too much into everything. But then I think "what if I'm just being paranoid about being paranoid and they really are *******s" you see where I'm going with this. It's nowhere pretty.
At the end of my mental one man marthon I always decide to quit doubting myself and I tell them to sod off. Which is why I have no friends. After having been through this several times, as there is a high consentration of stupid in the area that I live in, I have decided that it is a waste of time to try and make a real friend. Which is in deed a sad and lonely way to live.

 

[goldatom]

We are sensitive to it. But everyone does it to one another, that's how people are. It's just that they have thicker skins.

 

[Thundercats]

I totally know what you mean. Even people who are viewed by everyone as nice people and who claim to hate bullying never fail to treat me in this way. I know everyone secretly hates me and avoids me and thinks to themselves "Let's avoid this shy kid". Christ, they're so obviously trying to exclude me from everything that it's laughable. It's ironic that the person who people try to avoid is doing their best to avoid people.

Ok, so I didn't used to say a word to anyone, so what? Does that give people the excuse to hate me? What's the matter with people that they judge people on how popular they are and not about how intelligent, funny, kind etc. they are. I'm trying to overcome my shyness but it's like no one cares, they just ignore me anyway.

 

[redmatter]

We are sensitive to it. But everyone does it to one another, that's how people are. It's just that they have thicker skins.

I disagree with this sentiment. More like thicker skulls.

I think this gives the majority of people out there a one-up when really they don't deserve it. I don't see others taking the abuse to the levels and depths that I do - or possibly that are being talked about here - I think they're pricks, and I think that they couldn't handle a quarter of the abuse had it been inflicted on them. In fact, I know it. We're dealing with very different things. People who mess with each other who have respect for one another, and people who mess with others who they have little or no respect for. I think it's a shame that some people are targets and others just slip on by into ignorance. I view their thick skin as simple-mindedness, and I view sensitivity (and I don't mean sensitivity in the way society views it) as intelligence, and as insight the others are too slow to pick up.

 

[redmatter]

Christ, they're so obviously trying to exclude me from everything that it's laughable. It's ironic that the person who people try to avoid is doing their best to avoid people.

I know what you mean. It's kind of insulting... the more you really understand them, the further away you move, but the more they think they've got you figured. I find myself not being able to stand people anymore, and strangely, thoroughly confident in my decision to judge them all bent.

 

[MagicPotion]

Hey Skullomania

I know what you mean - sorry you're getting that kind of treatment. I've been bullied out of jobs before - nothing overt enough for me to complain about it as harassment, just snide little comments. Just the usual peck peck peck from my boss, snarky comments from members of staff that are subtle enough to not be outright insulting. But so smart about it there's no real way I can retaliate.

I hate it when people snark at me but they're too cowardly to open admit they have a problem with me and bring it out in the open!

People who bring you down but aren't even brave enough to bring it out in the open, and tell you why they've got a problem - they're idiots. They're too snide and cowardly to force a confrontation so they just peck, peck, peck at you until you lose it.

I try to rise above it but it's really hard sometimes - at times I've just had enough and raged at them and then they win

 

[redmatter]

I try to rise above it but it's really hard sometimes - at times I've just had enough and raged at them and then they win

Only if you don't get anything out of it. See, they thought they won, but in reality, they didn't. I got what I needed out of them... in fact, letting it rip was the only option. Besides, there's no respect there anyway.

 

[Kiwong]

You know I think most people are too self involved to really hate anyone else. I think the trick is to learn the ropes of flying under the human interaction radar. Skills where you fit in to a certain extent, so you don't register on their I don't like you atennae.

In small-minded tidy towns, things like paying rent/rates/strata title fees on time, keeping your religious and political views to yourself, keeping your lawns mowed and gardens weeded. Smiling and nodding pleasantly to neighbours can help.

There are certain behind the scenes actions that can help you not be so noticed, so that people ignore you and go about their business.

 

[redmatter]

You know I think most people are too self involved to really hate anyone else. I think the trick is to learn the ropes of flying under the human interaction radar. Skills where you fit in to a certain extent, so you don't register on their I don't like you atennae.

They do a great job of hating in my neck of the woods, some people don't have the social gauge to play their games, but it's nice in theory. I'm glad for people who can get by without people spitting in their faces, honestly.

 

[Kiwong]

They do a great job of hating in my neck of the woods, some people don't have the social gauge to play their games, but it's nice in theory. I'm glad for people who can get by without people spitting in their faces, honestly.

Even those people are probably just looking for an easy target to criticise to stop them wallowing in their own low self-esteem for a little while.