UnOccupied
Well-known member
So, i was wondering what people with my condition, social anxiety, do to treat their condition.
Also, i would like to mention some things i have done in the past few years to battle this. It all started about 3 years ago when i was 17, and even though i have been batteling, it only seems to be getting worse. I think this is because i always try to get help from others, when really the answers lie inside myself(or at least i think they do). You see, i am kind of confused about what i actually have wrong with me, because i differ from some or many symptoms of SA, but i do have a lot of them. But, around people i feel completely comfortable with, they would never say i have SA, they just say im awkward, or dont even know what i am, because im so good at hiding it, and in reality, most people dont really care about others, they're so concerned about themselves.
Haha, i think its funny that i just rambled on for that paragraph, when my point was the steps i have taken to free myself from this personal HELL.
well, when it first started, i waited about a year before seeking help from mental health professionals, at my university. Did many AD's, and meds and stuff, which didnt work. All this just made me feel like there really was something really wrong with me, since these meds did nothing for me, but make me feel worse. Well, finally after 4 months of the meds ALONE, i decided i had to tell my parents. This took so long, and was so hard. Even though i should have, and probably knew it would be best to tell my parents how i was feeling, it took me basically 17 years of living to tell them a single negative feeling i was having. So, finally i told my mom my feelings(well, some of them), and she sent me to a psychologist, because she didn't want to accept/ didnt know what to do with me. Well, did that for a while, only to realize my doctor was a money hungry a hole who didnt help me at all.
Well, all that doesnt matter, because after two years of ignoring stuff, its finally gotten to the point where i decided: "Hey Tim! It's time to either give up on life, which would be so easy...i could easily just play video games, and look at dirty pictures on the internet all day, and never have to face the world again.......ORrrrr, i could face this, accept this, and try to fix my broken self." So, i chose plan B, but it took many months to act on it. So, recently(its summer in NY right now, in case your international reading this), since im on my summer vacation, i got a few self help books/books on tape, in an effort to open up to my mom about how i TRUELY feel. Because we've been getting into many fights lately, mainly because i have this tension built up, becuase i want to talk to her so bad, i just didnt know how, and it made sooooo much tension. Shes an easy person to talk to, i just think my fear of disappointing her made it so hard for me...oh yeah, and my SA, which the hardest thing about SA is talking to people one on one, and looking them in the eyes when i talk. So anyway, i was having a good day, and when standing in the kitchen with her, i just started blurting out how i feel, and mainly how i had been having suicidal thoughts for the past 3 years. She was SHOCKED. I was shocked too, it felt like someone put their hand down my throat, into my voice box, and pushed the button labeled "what i NEED to say." Lol, so anyway, i said that, and i didnt cry, or anything, but it was easy because the lights were off, and i didnt have to worry about her seeing my face, or seeing my eyes mainly(BIIIIG fear of mine).
SO, i just want to say...this book on tape i got was SOOOO motivating. I have read 10+ books for self help, but this one resonated the best with me. And i firmly believe it gave me the courage to talk to my Mom like that. BUT, now i am still not satisfied. I actually feel worse than i did prior to talking to my Mom. This is because, i have suppressed so much emotion over the past three years, in an effort to just ignore it i guess, and pretend everything with me is fine, which is what my family has programmed me to do. Well, this is why i didnt cry with my Mom. I seriously can't do it. You out there may not believe me, because it may be easy for you too cry. Well, just imagine wanting to cry, but not being able to, because you cannot feel that intense emotion of sadness. Well, it may sound like a good thing, but the detriment it has on one self far outweighs the feeling of being sad and crying it out(in my opinion of course as one who has trouble touching the realm of any emotion). So, now my next big step is telling my Dad how i truely feel, but I WILL DO THIS. I know i can, because talking to my Mom and telling her how i feel gave me the little bit of confidecne i need to do this. I dont know when i shall do it, but i know it will be soon. Thank you to the book, "Be yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken." I recommend it to everyone.
So, yeah those are my steps to wellness. I think if i can start experiencing emotion, and stop witholding things that arent meant to be kept inside, i will be on the road to wellness. Call me what you will, an optomist, or whatever, but at this point, it seems better to try than to do nothing. Hey, i mean if i fail, i can always go the video game route, lol.
Oh, and ALSO...i am happy to announce that i am going to church tomorrow morning. I think church can be my calling. Although i do feel guilty about going back to church solely to better myself, and not to get in touch with god...well i guess its a little bit of both, but i must say i feel selfish. Who the hell needs a psychologist to talk to when you can just talk to your priest. It seems like a good idea to me, who knows, i have no idea what im in for, but for some reason it just seems right. I have been trying to get myself to go to church for the past 8 months now, but was too scared at school, and at home, ive been making excuses to myself.
I should be sleeping right now, but i couldnt, probably because i was in the mood for iced coffee before at like 9 P.M. Eastern time, and drank a large, haha im so stupid sometimes. But, mass is in less then 5 hours, but i still shall go. I mean, it really doesnt matter how much sleep i get, im still constantly tired, with no energy or motivation to do anything, so i figure with only 4 hours sleep, it wont make a difference.
I must say, honestly...that was an awesome post i just had. I really got some good stuff out there, and i wasn't really thinking about anything while writing it, the stuff was just kind of free flowing subconsciously from my brain to the computer, without any self conscious thoughts blocking my thoughts. So, thats the REAL ME right there, hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading! ...if anyone actually did, haha thanks!
Also, i would like to mention some things i have done in the past few years to battle this. It all started about 3 years ago when i was 17, and even though i have been batteling, it only seems to be getting worse. I think this is because i always try to get help from others, when really the answers lie inside myself(or at least i think they do). You see, i am kind of confused about what i actually have wrong with me, because i differ from some or many symptoms of SA, but i do have a lot of them. But, around people i feel completely comfortable with, they would never say i have SA, they just say im awkward, or dont even know what i am, because im so good at hiding it, and in reality, most people dont really care about others, they're so concerned about themselves.
Haha, i think its funny that i just rambled on for that paragraph, when my point was the steps i have taken to free myself from this personal HELL.
well, when it first started, i waited about a year before seeking help from mental health professionals, at my university. Did many AD's, and meds and stuff, which didnt work. All this just made me feel like there really was something really wrong with me, since these meds did nothing for me, but make me feel worse. Well, finally after 4 months of the meds ALONE, i decided i had to tell my parents. This took so long, and was so hard. Even though i should have, and probably knew it would be best to tell my parents how i was feeling, it took me basically 17 years of living to tell them a single negative feeling i was having. So, finally i told my mom my feelings(well, some of them), and she sent me to a psychologist, because she didn't want to accept/ didnt know what to do with me. Well, did that for a while, only to realize my doctor was a money hungry a hole who didnt help me at all.
Well, all that doesnt matter, because after two years of ignoring stuff, its finally gotten to the point where i decided: "Hey Tim! It's time to either give up on life, which would be so easy...i could easily just play video games, and look at dirty pictures on the internet all day, and never have to face the world again.......ORrrrr, i could face this, accept this, and try to fix my broken self." So, i chose plan B, but it took many months to act on it. So, recently(its summer in NY right now, in case your international reading this), since im on my summer vacation, i got a few self help books/books on tape, in an effort to open up to my mom about how i TRUELY feel. Because we've been getting into many fights lately, mainly because i have this tension built up, becuase i want to talk to her so bad, i just didnt know how, and it made sooooo much tension. Shes an easy person to talk to, i just think my fear of disappointing her made it so hard for me...oh yeah, and my SA, which the hardest thing about SA is talking to people one on one, and looking them in the eyes when i talk. So anyway, i was having a good day, and when standing in the kitchen with her, i just started blurting out how i feel, and mainly how i had been having suicidal thoughts for the past 3 years. She was SHOCKED. I was shocked too, it felt like someone put their hand down my throat, into my voice box, and pushed the button labeled "what i NEED to say." Lol, so anyway, i said that, and i didnt cry, or anything, but it was easy because the lights were off, and i didnt have to worry about her seeing my face, or seeing my eyes mainly(BIIIIG fear of mine).
SO, i just want to say...this book on tape i got was SOOOO motivating. I have read 10+ books for self help, but this one resonated the best with me. And i firmly believe it gave me the courage to talk to my Mom like that. BUT, now i am still not satisfied. I actually feel worse than i did prior to talking to my Mom. This is because, i have suppressed so much emotion over the past three years, in an effort to just ignore it i guess, and pretend everything with me is fine, which is what my family has programmed me to do. Well, this is why i didnt cry with my Mom. I seriously can't do it. You out there may not believe me, because it may be easy for you too cry. Well, just imagine wanting to cry, but not being able to, because you cannot feel that intense emotion of sadness. Well, it may sound like a good thing, but the detriment it has on one self far outweighs the feeling of being sad and crying it out(in my opinion of course as one who has trouble touching the realm of any emotion). So, now my next big step is telling my Dad how i truely feel, but I WILL DO THIS. I know i can, because talking to my Mom and telling her how i feel gave me the little bit of confidecne i need to do this. I dont know when i shall do it, but i know it will be soon. Thank you to the book, "Be yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken." I recommend it to everyone.
So, yeah those are my steps to wellness. I think if i can start experiencing emotion, and stop witholding things that arent meant to be kept inside, i will be on the road to wellness. Call me what you will, an optomist, or whatever, but at this point, it seems better to try than to do nothing. Hey, i mean if i fail, i can always go the video game route, lol.
Oh, and ALSO...i am happy to announce that i am going to church tomorrow morning. I think church can be my calling. Although i do feel guilty about going back to church solely to better myself, and not to get in touch with god...well i guess its a little bit of both, but i must say i feel selfish. Who the hell needs a psychologist to talk to when you can just talk to your priest. It seems like a good idea to me, who knows, i have no idea what im in for, but for some reason it just seems right. I have been trying to get myself to go to church for the past 8 months now, but was too scared at school, and at home, ive been making excuses to myself.
I should be sleeping right now, but i couldnt, probably because i was in the mood for iced coffee before at like 9 P.M. Eastern time, and drank a large, haha im so stupid sometimes. But, mass is in less then 5 hours, but i still shall go. I mean, it really doesnt matter how much sleep i get, im still constantly tired, with no energy or motivation to do anything, so i figure with only 4 hours sleep, it wont make a difference.
I must say, honestly...that was an awesome post i just had. I really got some good stuff out there, and i wasn't really thinking about anything while writing it, the stuff was just kind of free flowing subconsciously from my brain to the computer, without any self conscious thoughts blocking my thoughts. So, thats the REAL ME right there, hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading! ...if anyone actually did, haha thanks!
Dads are a toughy, but you can do it! All that's important is your the fact that you did it, not what they say. I personally can't imagine ever opening up to my dad about this kind of stuff.